I don't know what to do. My dad told my grandparents that I'm trans a month or two ago and, until Friday, I hadn't seen them since Christmas. My dad told me that they (Especially my grandma) were a bit taken aback, which I guess I was expecting, but also terrified of; they do have a history of being homophobic and transphobic. I was scared of what they would say and that they may disown me or something. Needless to say, it didn't go as badly as I had expected. It was my birthday 2 weeks ago and my card had no name on the envelope or in the card, but I was happy to have received a card. I was alright with this and it calmed me down for seeing them later. Fast forward to this Friday: they arrive at the house and it turns out they've been completely ignoring it. They called me she and daughter and it made me so upset and uncomfortable. It obviously made everyone else horrendously (visibly) uncomfortable, but no one wanted to say anything, so it was just really awkward. I didn't want to confront them because it made me really anxious, so I just avoided them for the rest of the visit. The thing is: I obviously can't avoid them forever, but I don't think I can confront them and I know that my dad would never stand up to them because they raised him with their beliefs. He's come a really long way, but my grandparents won't do that if no one makes them try. I didn't mean for this to be as long as it is, but I'm just really upset about it and I don't know what to do.
Not that I want to come across as assuming they're out of touch and uninformed, but how much do your grandparents know about trans issues? Is it possible that they simply need to have this explained to them? Or, to take it a step further, do they simply not realize how important it actually is to acknowledge pronouns, etc.? If they already know the situation, it may be worth trying to talk to them yourself, hard though it may be. Can you describe why you feel like you can't talk with them about this? Even if it doesn't get the results you want, being proactive may help you feel better on its own. And if worst comes to worst, you have your parents being pretty understanding, which hopefully is worth something.
