Sliding back into depression over this...

I have terrible communication problems with my mother so will be of no help on that regard as she is a bit like your mother ( deny the fact that I have been sexually abused in my childhood and act as if it's just a ''white lie'' to get attention. Drives me insane and basically deny every problem that's between us, so yay !)

But I believe that support groups can be a great option and tool during your journey and something you should look deeper into. Try and ignore your mother (as much as it hurts and isn't easy) and go on with your life and plans. Eventually she'll come to term with the fact that ' you weren't just going through a phase' and she'll warm up to you. Though it may well never happen which is why you really have to have a support group around you as the next couples years probably won't be easy for you especially if you already suffer from depression.

Best of luck and feel free to talk to me if need to.

 

I totally feel you here. My mom and I just had a similar lecture that made me feel absolutely horrible. She kept saying "I want you to be yourself", and "I want you to be comfortable with your body and everything", which sounds positive, but the she would say stuff like "just be happy with who you are right now. Just be happy with your body right now and accept yourself." Yeah the argument was, she wouldn't let me get a binder. She also really doesn't like my labeling myself, or wearing boys clothes sometimes, because she thinks that physical appearance doesn't matter. Not only that, but she is constantly questioning my gender fluidity, with "what does it feel like, being a boy vs being a girl?" Or, "how do you know that you are genderfluid?" Or the guilt factor, "The whole family is getting stressed about calling you the right things! You can't expect us to change!" Etc. maybe your family is something like that. Many are. Skeptical. They'll seem fine, until you push a point that sets them off. I'm sorry.

I know that I will probably visit my therapist about this. I advise you do the same.

 

Hi I would like to offer my insight and advice on this. Stop, breath, collect yourself. Now let us address the gaping issue here which is what your mother had said. And that is transgender is a fad and that her friend’s son had tried to become transgender only for things to turn out worse for him. Obviously the first statement comes from place of ignorance. And the second statement serves to reaffirm this. However let us not be quick to condemn your mother. No one chooses to be LGBT just as much as no one chooses to be straight. You can simply tell your mom that there is no point of comparison because you are not her friend’s son. You are your own person. And the fact of the matter is that you and your mom do not know the whole deal with what was up with her friend’s son. Maybe his coming out as transgender did bear negative consequences. But emphasize to your mom that you are your own unique person and that just because being transgender didn’t turn out good for him, doesn’t mean being transgender will turn out bad for you too. Each person is unique as we all go through different experiences.

As for the behavior of your mother I take the impression that comes from a good place although she could have verbalized it in a more pleasant manner. First of all you said it yourself, you had been making progress but then you find yourself in this situation. Let us understand and accept that our parents grew up in a different time and place in history, different from our own. They grew up with social norms that condemned homosexuality and its associated lifestyle further fueled by the AIDS Epidemic of the 1980’s. They grew up with homosexuality being viewed as a sin and as a choice. One moment of having some loved one Come Out won’t change the decades’ long mantra, beliefs and stereotypes in a split second. The important things is as you said THEY ARE TRYING. A moment’s lapse in judgement must not erase the progress they have made. If anything you must further the fuel the desire within you to help them progress further such as the time where all their prejudices and misbeliefs on LGBT are met with our truth. The fact that your mother had talked to her friend about having a Transgender child is a sign that she accepts you otherwise she would have kept you as a skeleton in her closet. It shows that she tried to find support from a parent who could relate to her situation. It’s just unfortunate that the one she had confided in had a not so good experience with her child coming out as Transgender. Perhaps your mother was just concerned for your wellbeing after all no parent wants their child to go through hardships or difficulties.

We all have our own communication styles and preferences. Some prefer verbal, some written while some prefer a mixture of both. It may just be the case that your mother is more skilled at verbal communication. It may help to meet halfway, make an agreement that when she talks your response would be given after hand through a letter and vice versa. And a support group sounds like a good idea.

Do not lose heart for in time it will bear fruit. Just give it time, hopefully this temporary setback is just a bump towards full acceptance and understanding.

As for your Depression. Are you still under undergoing therapy or treatment? If yes you can address this issue to your Psychiatric Healthcare Provider. If not it may be best to address to your parents that you may need therapy or treatment once again, before it gets worse.