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Mom is fantasizing..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Gamer4now, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. Gamer4now

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    Ok that title may have come out weird.. What I meant was is my mom is stuck on me growing up and having a wife. I know it's fine for parents to have these thoughts but it gets on my nerves. I don't have any intention on telling anyone for a while and I'm scared. I don't know what to do I don't want her to be disappointed.

    I almost came out today and I wish I did but I didn't have the guts. What happened was we were talking about my religion or the topic of religion and how I don't understand church or there is no proof other than the bible and I have no faith. I felt like she totally ignored it and said "well I have enough faith for the both of us" I about had it when I started to talk but the words caught in my throat when I realized what I was about to say. I'm super confused and I need a friend. I feel maybe the only way to do this is if I were to come out and maybe she'do take me to lgbt events. I feel if that happened all my problems would disappear id have friends and people who relate to me, but I can't get over my fear and it scares me I don't ever talk to anyone and I just want to crawl up into a ball and disappear.
     
  2. HeartAmelia

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    Hi Gamer4now,
    Coming out can be really hard sometimes. I'm not out at all, so I can't give you advice looking back on my life, but I can try to help you just the same.
    It takes a lot of courage to come out to anyone, and sometimes that can be terrifying. However, the longer you hide the harder it'll be when you finally do tell her. My resolve whenever I have to do something is to just stand up and say it, no matter how nerve wracking it may be. Sometimes you have to be direct.
    I know a lot of people say practice makes perfect and that you should rehearse a bunch before you say something, but in my opinion that just makes it worse. The more you think about it, the more you change your script until you've got ten paragraphs of fluff that's barely understandable. Plus, the longer you wait the more time your brain has to make you nervous. What if one day you were at dinner and then all of a sudden you just said it?
    This method has always worked for me, but sometimes it fails others. I find that being direct helps a lot, but if your style is more over-obsess that blunt, do it your way. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.
    Hope I helped a bit xx
     
  3. Gamer4now

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    the thing is nothing makes me fell comfortable, im a nervous wreck. And i probably wont rehearse it i mean that's a little extreme for me at least. I wouldn't write a letter either and i don't know what to do i want to tell so i can go to lgbt places and meet people but i dont want to come out and have them not take me seriously or what if the respond negatively?
     
  4. 3n

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    Dude, trust me, i know how you feel. I am also pretty much an anxiety attack waiting to happen. Just calm down, take your time, and come out whenever. It took me months (literally) to come out, and i understand the huge urge of wanting to come out, but don't rush it :slight_smile:
     
  5. Gamer4now

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    I don't want to rush it but you know the feeling where if you put it off and never do it? Like procrastinating, I don't want to have it build up I just want to go to those events and meet people like me but my schedule is booked between school homework and soccer, I just don't know what to do. I feel if I said it everything would be better but still the nerves. I'm not one to get nervous like right now I'm not nervous but when I think about "wow right now they just set me up perfectly" I still don't get nervous. I know it has to do with my brain I constantly contemplate myself everywhere I go. What my brain is saying is "pffft your not going to" and then I end up not doing it.
    I know I sound a little crazy but that's how it is.
     
  6. cibi

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    Think about the negative possibilities that can occur after coming out.if there arent sny then you have nothing to worry about.
     
  7. Willa

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    When I came out to my family, the reaction was basically "We're not going to say anything about this, and we're just going to go on like we always have and pretend it didn't happen." They stopped asking me about boys though, and they stopped talking about their political opinions on gay marriage and other queer issues in front of me. It's like they were okay with being courteous, but they just didn't want to talk about it.

    I'm pretty much okay with it. It's not like I really talked to my family about my romantic life a lot anyway. It's not common for me to walk up to my grandfather and say "I saw the hottest chick yesterday..." My family supports me when I need something, even if they are a little awkward, and we carry on as we always have, loving each other, laughing a lot, eating good food, and sometimes agreeing to disagree.

    From what I can tell, this is a very common experience. Lots of people come out to their families and experience little or no actual reaction (I'm pretty much convinced that my Gran has made herself forget that I'm queer). Yes, there is a possibility that your mother will not understand, will say something cruel, will try to "save" you. There is always that possibility in conservative religious families. But there is also the possibility that there will be a period of awkward conversation-avoiding after you come out, followed by your mother tentatively trying to figure out how to support you. Most parents' reactions go something like this:

    "I don't get it, and I don't really like it, but you're my kid and I love you, so I'll try to be supportive."

    Sometimes there is yelling first, but most families do get to this point eventually. Some parents even have a huge moral turn-around after their kids come out. They become social liberals overnight and start championing the rights of at-risk queer kids.

    The point that I'm trying to make is that coming out is always scary, but it doesn't have to be a horrible experience. Uncomfortable, yes, but not horrible, and always worth it. Being out means that you get to be who you are and live authentically, which is the best feeling in the world. You just breathe easier when you're out.

    But there is no rule as to when you have to come out. It's okay to be in the closet, because the closet is safe. That's what it's there for. If you're not ready, that's perfectly fine. Take your time and choose the moment that feels right to you. There is no rush, and no one can tell you how or when to make that kind of big life decision.

    Just remember that even though the two of you are very different, your mom loves you with all her heart, and she always will. She has probably been telling you that for years.