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A normal phase?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by starbucksshoote, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. starbucksshoote

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    I haven't been on this site for a while - but have always appreciated it as a resource for support and advice.

    I "came out" back in 2009, and told most of my friends. I then moved to a new city and started a new job which put me back in the closet. At the beginning of this year, I had a major health issue (now fully and wonderfully resolved) which changed my outlook onife a bit. Coupled with that, I lost a substantial amount of weight (still stocky, but feeling much better about myself and more confident).

    Over the past three or so months, I've found myself hooking up with a fair number of partners - always safely, but I would venture probably about 20 or so - and wondered if this is a normal experience or phase that people go through when they finally come to terms with being gay and have enough confidence to actually have sex.

    I think that most people maybe would go through this sort of thing at a younger age - during college or whatever. Perhaps this is just me justifying it, but I sort of feel like I'm making up for lost time. Or, this could be in no way normal, and I'm just a slut (pardon the language).

    Anyways, would appreciate to know what other people have experienced during their post-coming out/acceptance phase.
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Been there, done that. I do believe it is a phase and one which many people go through. Some see it as a phase, for me it lasted about a year or so; others just simply continue, and some do not experience anything like it.

    Given I have an inherently high sex drive to begin with, I went through a period of very high sexual activity with a multitude of partners (always safe as you stated as well) when I had low self esteem and needed the validation from others. This did not "cure" me of my low self esteem, it simply acted as a temporary and immediate fix. As I became more confidant with myself as a gay man, the need dissipated.

    I look back at the period actually quite fondly; as an important part of my personal development.
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    Some people come out and look for one person with whom they can have a steady, monogamous relationship, while others prefer to keep things more casual (at least to begin with) and will hook up with people and move on. It's a personal decision. It's very easy to hook up with people now and lots of people do it for a while.

    The bigger question is, are you happy with hook ups right now? If you are, I wouldn't sweat about it. Just be safe and be kind to the people you go with. It's really only a problem if you are unhappy about it.
     
  4. jasonpaul

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    Totally normal. I don't think that this an an experience limited to gay people either. I definitely went through something similar, but it was with women (I'm bisexual, but i've only ever been with one dude). Nothing to be ashamed of... just be careful!