So I finally broke up with my (now ex) boyfriend (my first ever one) and I'm both releived to get it all over with but heartbroken at the same time. I still do have strong feelings for him and I don't know how to get over it! We were like best friends and he'd sit with us every lunchtime but he pretty much avoided me today, I know he's upset but I think it's for the best but I still want to be friends with him but I'm afraid that he might not want to stay friends? In a way, I'm glad he's staying away for now because it makes getting over him a lot easier. I hate feeling like this. For now, I'm just focusing on girls or just staying single, I'm not very good at commitment and having someone 'rely' on me and do these 'duties' that I have being a girlfriend. I feel so down... I don't know how to get over him?
Hi grungeteen, Getting over someone can be really hard. Sometimes you need to distract yourself and not think about it. Other times you really need to let it out. Crying and sharing feelings might help you feel better. My other suggestion would be to put yourself out there. You don't need to commit to one person. Sometimes relationships can be lighthearted and fun instead of serious. A few dates won't kill you and you don't even need to start a relationship. As for staying friends with your boyfriend, I think you're right to give it a little time. I'm sure someday you'll be as close as you were before. That's been my experience with two or three boys. Just give it time. Hope I helped xx
It seems to me that you are still arrested in the initial grieving phase of a breakup, a person who experiences a breakup will go through the behavior of reminiscing about the former beloved, recalling details of the relationship, things such as the qualities you loved about him, your dates, all the nice things he did for you, how he made you feel loved, how he provided you comfort, etc. Even to the extent of recalling details of his face. Normally succeeding that phase is sadness. Mourning the relationship lost, what could have been. A feeling of sadness on how much you miss him. Sadness over how he and you could have been perfect together. You'll agonize over every detail of the relationship. Questioning every action you made or didn't make. Questioning whether you could have done more. Anger, the stage which succeeds this lends a person to behave with resentment, regret. You'll be angry about how he makes you sad. Angry at how he led you on and wasted your time. Angry for allowing yourself to fall in the first place. Angry at how everything seems to remind you of him. Eventually when all the emotional turmoil has subsided. You are now left with a vulnerable heart, hence you feel guarded. You question your own judgments and the judgments and intentions of people around you... Now step back and reevaluate. Have you really gotten over the relationship? Have you allowed yourself to experience all the emotions? The purpose for all of these is for self-understanding and to see where you stand. Only then will you finally have ACCEPTANCE and CLOSURE... Acceptance of the truth that you both need space. It's truly noble that you have tried to remain as friends. However in reality it is better said than done. Sure the breakup may had been coming but it doesn't mean that things really weren't all that bad, or that one or the other didn't hurt. One or the other may keep pushing, wanting to talk, wanting to be friends but it serves to complicate things when one hasn't really moved on. You have to come to terms about the breakup and where you stand, on your own and so does your ex. Giving yourself time allows you to get the closure you need. Time and a large doze of self perspective will allow you to realize that your Ex wasn't Mr. Right, life has a plan for you and that it doesn't include him. Accept that you weren't meant to be together. If you choose to deny and distance from your emotions, such as engaging in a rebound relationship. It served to cover-up the emotional and mental crisis inside of you. It will arrest your natural progression through the grieving process. Distanced from your feelings, your feelings will continue to subconsciously emanate. Perpetuating the hurt, pain and/or in your case longing. Unless you allow yourself to feel these emotions, you end up subconsciously internalizing them until it ends up manifesting itself by tainting any potential for contentment, joy, happiness and love with a future partner. Now that you have lost a Support System. Maybe it is time to rekindle and strengthen, invest more in your relationships with your friends and family. I think they will serve best to remind you that there is more to life than having your (ex) partner.
This is excellent advice. I Pam personally going through this at the moment and this really helps. We were together for 2 years and we had just moved in together. We had to break up because he cheated on me with multiple guys. I know this isn't my post, but the advice helped me too.
