Hi guys Anyone got any advice? So, as the title implies, I am a lesbian - yes, I am DEFINITELY a lesbian, no doubt there, hehe - but as of now I am developing some feelings towards a male friend who also happens to be my roommate. It makes for an rapidly-progressing and intimate friendship as we see each other all. the. time.! He's an all round nice guy, we have a similar sense of humour, and many shared interests. He's a bit older than me - 10 years - but I'm willing to accept that. I'm quite mature for my age, anyway. Age is just a number, really. I much appreciate him as a cool human being and as a platonic friend, but we have started to flirt, and we make plans together on the weekends and such. Also, yesterday he paid for my coffee and today he gave me a pair of jeans. Generous guy that I enjoy spending time with. I don't know whether to break it off or let it progress. ??? I would probably go along and see what happens if my past mistakes had not taught me a well-earned lesson. Last year, before I even acknowledged my lesbianism, I met a great guy who truly intrigued me, but I had such complicated feelings towards him/men that I broke it off, and quite rudely at that. We had decided to meet up at a certain time but I never showed up and then I just stopped returning his calls. That sort of behaviour is extremely unlike me, but the anxiety that accompanied the realisation of my sexuality made me act like a complete moron. Needless to say, I never heard from the poor thing again. Although I have resolved the question of my sexuality - I am 120% gay - I now fear that I may be leading this new guy on. But I am interested in him, I am very lonely and feel a strong desire to feel loved... I don't know what to do. Yet the problem is, that I only feel aroused by women. Lesbian sex is my thing lol. I most likely will not be able to appreciate and satisfy this guy sexually, as I do emotionally and intellectually. And that worries me, because every guy in love wants sex. Right? Or is there a way around this? Advice? Break it off or continue? Am I leading him on or am I being decent? Should I come out to him? So am I a biromantic lesbian? How do you guys deal with that? Thank you thank you
Sexuality is a spectrum. It is also fluid and is able to change at any time. I (And this is just my opinion) don't believe that any person is 100% Homosexual or Heterosexual in the psychological/emotional sense. I believe that the right person is able to change your stance on who/what you are mentally attracted to and in your case I think this has probably happened. But don't worry! Yes this sounds like you're a biromantic lesbian but labels should only be used if you're comfortable using them. As for the sex thing... that's a tricky one. Sex isn't the only way to consummate your love together but is a pretty big factor in terms of emotional connection. At the end of the day we're all human and we all (though this may not apply to some) would want sex with our partners. It's primal instinct to have sex. Just go with it for now. See if your feelings for him grow or dwindle. You'll know if you want to pursue a relationship with him P.S. You said, and I quote "I am very lonely and feel a strong desire to feel loved..." which is a cause for concern. Loneliness can cause us to do erratic things in order to feel love so just be careful. Try to forget your loneliness for one second and think with a clear mind "Am I actually falling for this guy?" Meditation is also a great way to clear your head Hope this helped
Dr.Rorschach (I like your username btw), thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts! I will definitely try to follow your advice, and just go with it for now. And you are absolutely correct: loneliness can be a very dangerous condition, as it can lead to despair and erratic things, as you said. I'll try to think clearer. This forum is such a great place. All the best
Ok I get the fluidity thing but I disagree with the good doctor as to the "go with it". You're gay. He's straight. Just be friends or take a complete step back and get to know yourself better. But I wouldn't use him to gain that self-knowledge and set both of yourselves up for eventual heartache or more. FWIW.
