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Do I just have to stay in the closet forever?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kiychii, Sep 7, 2015.

  1. Kiychii

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    somewhere unhappy
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Okay, so I'm kind of emotional right now and I don't know, about to just cry while typing this so this might come off as a rant? I dunno. I don't even know what I hope to get out of this, but, y'know - I'm kinda doing this spur of the moment, and I don't have anyone I can really talk to about this, so, I guess I'm here.

    Basically, today was a distaster. All days, I guess. You see, my brothers are both very very, so completely homophobic that it's just torture to be anywhere near them. Their words weren't directed at me because they don't know I'm gay, but god-, the the complete hatred and laughing that was happening... Holy. God. I'm crying oh gosh.

    And my mom. She claims that she has no side on gay marriage/etc, but I won't ever forget the way that she reacted when my cousin actually came out as gay. It was all, "No wonder, coming from a messed up family like that," and "He actually had a good future in front of him. Shame." -And just, small comments along those lines. Like, oh dear god.
    And! In the future, I really hope to get married to a girl, I want that so much- but holy god.

    I'm supposed to be my mother's "perfect child", and she has such these high hopes for me and "oh, how I can't wait for the day when I help you with your husband and children, hahaha!" Like, she has this entire dream future that's planned out. This doean't sound so bad, but like- when I made subtle hints of wanting something else that wasn't part of her "cookie cutter dream future", she was... scary.

    Basically, I'm just scared. Of my mother, and my brothers. And just... God. There we go. But why can't I be with a girl now? Why is this such a bad thing? I want to go on cute little walks and have fun dating a girl. Why- god. I'm acting like a child, but it's so unfair I'm shaking.

    Just, wow. God.
     
  2. TempUsername3

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    That sounds absolutely terrible. I know how you feel being that I grew up in a hostile environment.

    I think over time they will open up to things, you're still young and as you get older your parents will start to take you more seriously. As for your brothers, they just might not know. Growing up, all three of my brothers were super homophobic and they would always say if one of them were gay, the other two would have to murder him. When I came out to 2 of my brothers. They both accepted me without a question other than "How long have you known?" and one even made the comment "We have that in common, we both like vagina." your brothers might not be like mine but over time, they will change.

    Your family will open up over time for you. You just need to wait for the right time to tell them and then give them time to adjust to the revelation. They might get angry for a while but I think they just might adjust to this whole thing.

    I'm always here if you need to talk, I've been through the whole thing with my family before. It really does get better.
     
  3. jasonpaul

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I agree with the above post. I felt the same as you for a very long time. But as I get older, I've noticed that my parents (and siblings/other family members) have gradually relinquished the desire to control my behavior. The older you get, the more they (usually) are just happy that you're still a part of their lives. And I'm not just talking about LGBT stuff, I'm talking about life choices in general. As my siblings have gotten older, my parents have become way more lax about a lot of things that would have horrified them when we were younger. It's hard for parents to let go of that control, but in the end, they will if it means keeping you around.

    This might sound messed up, and I'm sure that a lot of people on here would disagree, but in my opinion most of the time when families resist someone coming out as LGBT its from a twisted, misguided position of love/caring. Their ignorance makes them think that you are making a huge, irreconcilable mistake and they want to "protect" you (no matter how backward that logic actually is). But, when you're older, they are more willing for you to make your own mistakes, and when they see how much happier you are, they will learn to accept the parts of you that they do not understand.

    I'm still not out to my family, but I can already tell that it will be much easier when I come out to them than I thought it was going to be when I was a little younger. Sometimes it takes time, which sucks. But its important not to lose hope. It gets better! Hang in there :eusa_clap