So I'm telling my story in hopes that someone can give me advice because i feel like I'm going crazy. i broke p my my gf of almost 5 years at the end of July. we both decided that we felt more like friends and that we became distant (keep in mind, this is also a long distance relationship). She had messaged me a few days later saying that if we can work it out we should... I said we should wait for our upcoming trip (end of august) to see if the connection was still there. 3 weeks later, i realized i had made a terrible mistake in letting this girl go - someone who had loved me unconditionally and was by far the best person I knew. So i messaged her and asked her if we would work it out. She had said things came to her attention while we were apart - she felt unloved, ignored, lack or romance and intimacy. She felt that I was unwilling to change and that she didn't know if she could put the effort into a relationship again. 2 weeks later, we went on our cruise. The first day after spending a few hours together, I asked her if we could talk. I told her i loved her and that I made mistakes and that I would do what it took to change. She said she couldn't say yes and that she felt so unloved. It was a very emotional day. The next few days, she had started to warm up to me, she had started showing me affection well, "safe" affection." She would put her arm around me, kiss me head. One more she got into my bed and cuddled with me for a few minutes... and I took that opportunity to tell her I loved her, which made her cry.. after a few minutes she left. about 5 days into it, i saw that she was texting a friend and I kind of looked over to see what she was writing. she had written to her friend that I was trying really hard to win her back and that it felt awkward. Later that day, I had realized that I need to give her up if that was what she wanted, I only cared about her happiness above everything else. When she wasn't in the room, I had a fully emotional breakdown, and she had happened to walk in shortly after. We had talked for about 2 hours, and this was the first time I had truly opened up to her. I told her I was confused about her affectionate actions and she said she did it out of habit. I told her I loved her, and she told me she loved me back. The next day, our last full day together, she had grabbed me hand... and we held hands for a while. She kissed me on the lips... and it started to feel like old times. When i found a good moment, I gave her a passionate kiss on the lips, and we were holding hands again. That night, without thinking, she slipped into my bed and we cuddled all night. The next day, I had to leave the cruise earlier as my flight was sooner. She pulled me aside, to say goodbye... she hugged me, kissed me and told me she loved me. She also told me that she wanted us to "talk" more going forward. I told her if that's what she needed/wanted from me, I could do that. After a full day of being apart, we had texted... she then sent me a message saying "just so you know, I don't want us constantly talking. I need time to process everything. We can talk here and there, just not all the time." When we text, it feels like there is nothing there and I don't know if I should wait for her to text me first or if I should text her. I'm so lost at this point and I don't know what to do. I just know I don't want to push her away again because I feel like she is the one for me.. I'm sorry if this is so long.. but any comments/advice would really help.
It sounds like, at base, she's just worried about getting hurt again. You two obviously have/had a strong connection in your relationship, and defaulting back to that when you're together - as on the cruise - probably was natural. But that doesn't mean she's forgotten what it felt like when things ended, however temporarily. Think of this as starting over. In a sense, you are. When you first meet someone, you don't know right away how often to text, what their comfort levels are, and so on. So, do what you would do then. Be yourself. Be clear (and honest) about your feelings and respectful of hers as well. Maybe it will work out, and maybe it won't - but it sounds like she does need some space to process, as on the cruise and as per her message after. You can tell and show her how you feel, and it sounds like she's open to hearing about it - but also be ready to hear what she thinks and feels.
thank you for responding. We aren't back together, and the other day i was feeling highly emotional and did what I knew I shouldn't do, I sent her a long text. She said she felt like i was suffocating her and that she'd text me when she missed me. so right now i'm uncertain how this plays out, however I remain hopeful...
