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One of my best friends moved away and I don't know to deal with it.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Erzulie, Sep 10, 2015.

  1. Erzulie

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    Well, it's more that she didn't tell me she was moving until 2 weeks after she had decided, and she was going to move about 2 weeks later.

    So here's how the story goes. We've been friends for about 8 years now, and I recently helped her through a depressive period (she was on medication and stuff, it was really bad) and since then she'd been a little attached to me. (There's no relationship possibility here though, I'm not attracted to her, and she's straight as an arrow). She's the only person I'm out to so far. I hadn't heard from her in about 3 weeks so I sent a "hey, what's up how are you" text. (It was odd b/c I usually heard from her at least once a week if not more). And she replies with "Moving to Georgia!" Am I crazy because it really hurt that she didn't tell me sooner? Anyway, I called her a couple days later and asked why she didn't tell me sooner and she said "oh, I called you but you didn't pick up"... In two weeks you only had time to call me once? Really, because you never hesitated to tell me every little thought in your head before now, but for this major life decision, you wait 2 weeks? I did tell her in the phone call that she should have told me sooner, but it not in a really serious tone. I din't want to stir up anything.

    A few days later I met up with one of our mutual friends, and we got around to talking about it. She could tell that I was kinda upset about it. When the three of us got together to help her move, the other friend brought it up in a really nice and roundabout way pretty much saying that "you should really let the important people in your life know about big chances like this, because it affects them too"

    A few hours after that, our mutual friend left and it was just us, and she asked if I was upset about it. I told her no, and that it was alright. I was trying to be the bigger person, but it really hurt, and now I don't know how to talk to her. She texts me about the guys she's going on dates with and what she's been up to, and about her residual feelings for her last boyfriend (she really doesn't stop talking about that last one), and now I really don't know what to say to her. I really want to do everything I can to keep this friendship. She's the only person I have come out to so far (well she gave me a good push out about a year after she figured it out), and she is very supportive of me, but I what do I do? I really don't know how to deal with her right now. Any advice would be really helpful!! Sorry this is so long, I'll shut up now.
     
  2. Belle the Bee

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    My best friend of about 4 years moved to Germany a month ago and it was really upsetting. That's really uncool that she didn't tell you sooner, but don't feel bad about it.
    I don't really have any advice, except that my friend moved too. Its different in a lot of different ways though because I knew a year in advance, took her dog that she couldn't afford to bring and I was kinda in love with her
     
  3. Lin1

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    Well I guess it's more of a choice of either holding back the fact that she didn't tell you until the last minute that she was moving away against her forever or grieving the fact that she hurt your feelings and salvaging your friendship. What do you want to do ? Because unfortunately she can't undo what she has done. I can see why it stings though.

    I move abroad a lot so have friends all over the world and tend to move a bit last minute as well, like I currently know I am going to be moving in another country in a couple of weeks but still haven't chosen where yet. My friends know me though and are used to me packing my stuff and moving to the other side of the world last second. I love them regardless and hope they understand it's not about them.

    My best friend lives in Australia and I in Europe, so I totally understand you though as it sucks to have the friend you appreciate the most, so far away. I also know that regarding my best friend very little things could ever separate us or make us so mad that we would stop talking so I guess it's about how much you value your friendship ? I know my best friend and I are very different and we sometimes hurt each other, by stuff we do or don't do 'correctly' and it sucks but we chose to let it slide and move on cause our friendship is worth much more than a few hurts feelings. Is that the same for you ? If so then be glad she still wants you included in every little details of her life and reciprocate, plan a trip together or a catch up weekend etc... :slight_smile: