Last night my sister and I were talking about Kim Davis and how sad it was that there were so many people in this country like that. I brought it up and did most of the talking. (My sister is ultra straight.) She was pretty quiet while I was talking. Then when I asked her opinion she said this, "I think as long as there is one person in the country clerks office that is willing to marry a gay couple that it shouldn't be a big deal. I don't think people should be forced to go against they're religious beliefs so that gay people can be happy. Not everybody is going to be okay with gays marrying and that should be fine." I was sort of confused by what she had to say because it seemed as if she was ok with lgbt issues in the resent past and I thought she believed that gays should be equal and have all the same rights etc etc.. Then I said that I think it's a slippery slope kind of deal. If you let some people get away with acting like the Kim Davis's of the world then more people will join her until there are whole stated that won't do their jobs and not marry gay people like North Carolina right now. I said, "If you give people an inch they will take a mile." My sister then said that it shouldn't be a big deal. So what if they have to go a county over or even cross state lines to get the piece of paper. Then she said what really hurt, offended and just all around pissed me off, "It goes both ways, if you give gays an inch they will take a mile." There was a few minutes of silence then she said, "Did you know in some parts of the world they are teaching lgbt lessons to kids in school? I think it's a waste of time and tax payers money." I told her that I sure would have appreciated it when I was going to school. I walked away from the conversation at that point. I didn't want to turn our friendly debate into a 'us verses them' argument. She should feel free to express her opinions just like me. I would never take that away from her and I hope no one ever tries to. I respect her right to her own voice. It's just that what she said cut deep. I came out to her and everyone else in May 2015 and until now I never knew that's how she felt. In her eyes gays are the problem. She feels that the world is catering to lgbt issues and making people uncomfortable and forcing people to bend their religion. She thinks the lgbt's are too in your face. That we should just go crawl back under our rocks and leave the world to the 'normal' and even 'better' straight people. Am I being too sensitive about this? So long as one person in the county clerks office is willing to marry gays... would that be good enough? Am I too hard headed about this? It's one thing to hear a stranger say everything that my sister said. That's wouldn't bother me much at all. Just another ignorant, homophobic person.. but my sister? Really? I was so unprepared for that. I wanted to tell her that gays have been fighting for decades to gain the freedom to be who we are and to have rights and to hopefully one day be truly equal to our straight counterparts. But she knows nothing of Stonewall. Or how thousands of gays took to the streets in the 80's to demand that research and medical treatment be provided for AIDS. She doesn't know that something like 1 in 12 trans people are killed just for being themselves. She's never been bullied for being lgbt in school or been kicked out the the house and been forced to live on the streets because of her sexuality. She has never thought about all the suicides committed by lgbt people. And she doesn't know what it's like to have half the country look at you and treat you like you're a walking abomination. So perhaps she is just speaking out of ignorance of the subject. And that's not her fault. While lgbt history and the issues of today may be my passion it's not hers. I just thought I had an ally in her. I think I was wrong. And my heart hurts for knowing it. I would love your opinion here. Am I too sensitive? Does it sound like my sister is against the gay rights movement? Do I really not have her as an ally? I just can't think past my broken heart right now and I need advice. Thank you for your help. I sincerely appreciate your wisdom here at EC. Aubrey
I'm gay, but I can see where she's coming from. Just like we want people to accept the LGBT community for who we are we have to accept other people's beliefs or we're just being hypocrites. I'm not saying I completely agree with your sister, but there are people in the world other than the LGBT community that face the same problems that we do. I think that respecting each other's beliefs is the only true way to move forward rather than shoving it at someone all at once. You have to look in other people's perspectives and realize that prejudice made them have their beliefs and we can't blame them for the way they were raised. We also can't ignore the fact that LGBT has made progress towards equality and understanding in the world. We can't focus on all the bad and not the good. Otherwise we'll just have resentment towards the world and nothing will change.
I certainly do not want to be a hypocrite. I will try harder to respect her beliefs. I know she is entitled to them just as much as I am. I love her very much. And Just because we disagree doesn't mean we can't still be loving toward each other and respectful of each others views. I guess I need to be more open minded and receptive. I guess what she said I took too personally. Different strokes for different folks, right? Still hurts that we can't agree tho. Also, I really feel like I lost an ally. She was really the only person I thought I could talk about this stuff irl. Now I don't feel like I can. That makes me sad. Thank you, TheWizard.
I understand what you mean. What I try to tell myself is that you're not always going to agree with everything your closest friends or in your case sister has to say. It doesn't mean they don't love or respect you it just means you have different ideas. I'd tel her how you feel about losing her as ally though. It could be better to talk to her about so that she can understand what this means to you. It's better to disagree sometimes than to lose her as a friend. I hope this helps!
Thank you again! Yes, that does help. I never thought about communicating to her that I feel like I lost her as an ally. .... She would probably laugh a being called an ally. But yes.. When the time feels right I think I will at least just bring that part up. I think that would make me feel better. However uncomfortable the conversation might be.
I think it is always harder to hear these things from family and close friends. However, she has a right to her opinion even if it does not agree completely with yours. She is just acknowledging that there is another side. Dealing with this topic on such a personal level is probably a little awkward since she has only known about your orientation since May. Give her time.
It is awkward. And more than anything it's hard not to take what she said personally. I know she didn't mean to hurt me. She stated her opinion as fact and nothing else. She is a very literal, matter of fact person. I know she meant to harm. In fact, she probably expected me to handle her opinions like she probably handled mine. But I'm more emotional than my sister and she knows that. But I guess if I expect her to hear me out then I should hear her out without taking it personally or offensively. Thank you LongOverDue. You've given me food for thought. And yes, I will give her time. Perhaps we will jell a bit more as time goes by.
