Hey guys, for the past 6 months or so I've become more and more accepting of my homosexuality, which has been great. For years I felt that I would never do anything intimate with a man, even if I really wanted to. Recently (about a month ago) a guy that I had a massive crush on last year became single and started coming after me because I had flirted with him before and he assumed I was interested. At first it was really cool because I came out to him and he was supportive and we kissed and it felt good. But then I started to get really anxious and I wasn't sure why. I already at one point said we should stop dating and just be friends, but then a friend of mine encouraged me to stick with it. Just yesterday we had the most physical intimacy we've had so far without actually having sex (no clothes on, lots of fondling and kissing) and today I feel naseous and like I can't keep food down because I feel like I've already gone too far. Also, I wonder if we're really the right fit for each other in the first place. We have a lot of things in common, but he is very sexual and very experienced when it comes to men and I only just last year lost my virginity to a woman (I'm 32, he is 23, so there is quite a significant age difference as well). Also I feel like we have great conversations sometimes but then other times I just get really tired of him and want to get away. On the one hand things feel really good when I'm being intimate with him, but then on the other hand I also often feel burdened, confused, scared. I just don't know if it's because it's all so brand new or if it's because we're not right for each other, or both, or neither. Any thoughts? I don't want to end up doing anything I will regret, and I don't want to hurt him by being so doubtful and wishy-washy. I'm just really confused and not sure what to do next. Thanks for reading, and I appreciate any input very much.
I probably don't have nearly as much experience as you do, but I have a cousin who is around your age and one time he talked to me about how people shouldn't push on boundaries or anything, so I say you should start with talking to him about it. Tell him how you feel about being sexual, and set up boundaries that can help you guys get into a more stable relationship. However, if he pushes on those, and tries to force you into things, then don't succumb just to please him, keep yourself happy.
That's good advice, thanks. I already told him I'm not really ready for sex yet, but in all truthfulness it feels like trying to hold back flood waters when we get in the moment. I appreciate your feedback.
Always, always listen those inner red flags. If you're getting anxious or something doesn't feel right, then stop whatever is making you feel that way. By all means communicate. If he's not mature enough to respect your feelings he's not the one for you. Never let yourself feel pressured or pushed into doing something you're not comfortable with or ready for.
You should also have a talk with him about how you feel towards him and towards your relationship together. No rush, but it needs to happen.
Definitely talk to him. If he's not understanding or pressures you too much, then he's not the right person for you.
