Wearing the pants in the relationship

Same here, but maybe everyone else is a robot - why else would I have to make the first move (in every kind of relationship, even a friendship) every time.
I'm not going to wait around for some dominant guy though, otherwise I'd die alone. I'll keep on making the first move.

Meet even more people, that's what we should do.

 

I have the exact opposite problem. *sighs*

 

There's times where I want to be the one in charge and sometimes not in charge, and when I'm able to have a balance between the two, that's when I know that I've found someone very special

I'm usually the submissive one when it comes to the bedroom. I'm an introvert myself so I get what you're saying.

 

I don't have any experience in the bedroom, but in my fantasies I tend to be the submissive one, and my girlfriend has told me before that she prefers subby girls, so I guess that's good. On the other hand, I'm much more masculine than she is, and I feel like she expects me to take the lead a lot of the time, but I'm also very timid and so we're in sort of an awkward "you go first, no you go first" phase. Trying to build up my self confidence in that area.

Maybe you could try making the first move, but in a more submissive way? Ask a guy if he'd like to buy you a drink, instead of the other way around, for example. Something like that? Kind of lead him towards being more dominant.

 

Even dominant guys want to be courted!!!!!!

 

This is truth. This, to me, is what can be magical about same-sex relationships in particular, or any relationship where gender roles are left in the dust.

---------- Post added 16th Sep 2015 at 05:59 AM ----------

The ratio of gay men who want to be courted to the gay men who want to court is WAY OFF. Practically every gay man is a submissive who wants to be courted, and it's a perpetual circle of misery and dissatisfaction until someone steps up and gets the ball rolling. Don't believe me? The masculine ones either have internalized homophobia, or they're just apathetic and impatient while also having muscles.

Being in charge, or "dominant", is a great thing. You should relish the ability and opportunity to have it because some people never will. Sure, it's nice to be wooed, but you get to give that feeling to someone else. Be their knight. If you already look the part, you should just accept it.

And frankly, it makes you more desirable and undump-able, because so few other men are going to rise up and do the same for them.

 

Yeah this all kinda sucks terribly. I know I have a more "masculine" look I suppose, but that is far from my actual personality. Even in my past relationships with women, I have tended to be with very forthright, honestly rather bitchy girls. Nothing about being the strong dominant type appeals to me. My ex calls it my feminine mind or whatever, whereas I just think how I just want to be the "little spoon" so to speak. I am not good in the strong protective role.

 

I love the chase! Courting someone, and winning their affection. However, I do believe there should be a balance. It does not need to be 100% dominant nor 100% submissive. Its kinda like Ying/Yang and a good mix between the two creates a balance. If my partner did not have his more dominant traits, I would get bored; while at the same time, I will always open the door for him!

 

In my experience there's a pretty even balance and most gay guys want to do both, to court and be courted and, frankly, will go to rather amazing lengths in their courting. And, yeah, that back and forth of I chase you now you chase me can be amazing!

 

I used to think that way when I was younger but as I grew older, I wanted to do both. It's funny though that I'm usually the one who is the submissive dude because I'm always the short guy, lol not that I'm complaining though. I'm dating this guy though who is an inch taller than me but I like that we have the Ying Yang vibe and it happens naturally between the two of us.

 

I would rather have us both wear the pants
Healthy relationship is build around arguments and compromises, imo.
/and make-up sex, because ... yeah/

 

Please note that for our UK friends, "pants" refers to underwear...my apologies for this interruption, you can now resume the conversation.

 

Arguments? He gets "exasperated" and I supposedly "yell", but according to him, we never have arguments! But yeah, whatever it's called and whomever the dominant or passive one is at that particular juncture, the makeup sex is indeed "lovely" (to use a UK term)

 

any idea how the heck we'd do that im not really experienced in the "courting" thing, im pretty introverted myself and like my partner to take the lead in the bedroom, or at least that's how i feel. i "had" to take the lead in my marriage but i really wanted to be "lead" does that make any sense?

 

When I first came out, I felt massively vulnerable. And the vulnerability was pretty obvious to those that I met.

While I was historically a confident and "dominant" person, I took on a more passive demeanour which required that I be "lead". It felt wierd for me at first, but I just kinda let it happen.

Surprisingly, I took a liking to being passive and learned to be in such a role. As my confidence retirned and I become more comfortable with myself, I began to revert back to a more dominant personality when it felt right or when required. But having allowed myself to take on a passive role previously, I maintained that ability and desire at times.

None of this was done consciously or with any forethought, it just kinda happened. So now, I can take on both passive or dominant roles just as my partner can as well. Not only does this relate to any respective personality, but it certainly translates when it comes to physical intimacy as well.

Wish I could provide better clarity and suggestions. But I would just relax and see what comes naturally to you.