I don't know what to do anymore. I'm best friends with a girl, she's my age, and I'm completely in love with her. I've been like this for well over a year now, and I don't know if I can hide it anymore. She's the prettiest girl I've ever met, hands down. We have tons in common, but enough differences to balance each other out. I've loved her since we went to New York together. At first I thought she was just a really good friend, but when she fell asleep on my shoulder on the car ride to the city I knew I felt something deeper then friendship. I didn't want her to suspect anything- at this point I was still figuring my sexuality out (still am, honestly) and was terrified of someone suspecting I wasn't straight. I didn't even know her views on gay rights yet, and I knew she went to Jesus camp. So I bottled up my feelings, and tried to just see her as a friend. I worked for a really long time, but then it was her birthday and we hung out all day and did henna on each other and all my feelings came rushing back to me. I still loved her. All this spring and summer I've fallen deeper for her. She got in a fight with her other really close friend, which brought us even closer. She still doesn't know that I'm not straight. I had a boyfriend for about three months in the spring, but I was an awful girlfriend because I couldn't bring myself to care, partially due to my depression and partially due to her. She has had a crush on one guy for a while now, and he told her the other day at a football game that he liked her. I tried to be happy for her. I am happy for her. She's probably straight. She probably suspects by now that I'm at least a little gay, but there's no way she knows for sure. She's incredibly supportive of gay rights and stuff, and I've suspected that she's bi before, but I can't tell. What should I do? I'm listening to the songs that I deemed "ours" and I'm really fucking done with this.
How old are you two? You could at least tell her your sexuality, even if you're a little unsure. It's better than letting her keep guessing. It would be best if you admitted your feelings so things are really obvious, but it's okay if you want to wait a little. Have you thought about telling other friends about your feelings for her?
Thanks for the advice we're both 17. I've thought about coming out to her, but that's never been easy for me and everything I go to tell her I have a little panic attack and don't do it. I don't trust my other friends enough to talk to them.
