When I met my ex she told me she was trying to adopt. She was already with an agency. I didn't want any part of it since we just started dating and she knew how I felt about it. Fast foward a year later....things started to get serious and I finally told her I'm on board in case if we were to get place. The agency she could afford at the time didn't recognize same sex couples so that put me in a hard spot because I couldn't really be a part of this adoption legally. We already started living together by the 2nd year, however, things started to downspiral. We had frequent arguements and I noticed we were both drifting. The week after we broke up I find out she's placed with a baby. I had trusted her and I feel so betrayed that she had no intention of me ever being in the picture. I need some perspective. I feel tricked and I feel as if the baby should be equally mine, regardless, of a stupid piece paper says. If a guy knocks a girl up, it's his baby no matter what. But because I'm gay I'm at a disadvantage. :bang:
I’m sorry that you feel betrayed. I think the first thing you have to remember is that she started the adoption process, she went through the legalities, and she was placed with the child. If she already had a baby before the two of you started dating, would you feel the same about being a part of the child’s life after you broke up? You mentioned that your relationship was already spiraling down. Why did you break up? Did she know the adoption was going to go through and didn’t tell you? How do you know she had no intention of you being in the picture? It seems to me that if she was set on adopting and not open to you being a part of the child’s life in the event of being placed with a child, she wouldn’t have pursued a relationship at all.
I appreciated that fact she was upfront about the adoption. Due to the fact she could be place at any moment. At the time, I told her i wasn't ready to have kids. She expected me to play a role if it so happen, but we had only been dating maybe a month at that. It wasn't something I wasn't ready to be a part of just yet. I wanted to know her first. It was a constant battle back and forth. After a year, my feelings grew strongerr for her and the idea of starting a family was something I strongly considered. This was HUGE for me! I've dated women who have kids and never had a problem. But I feel it's different because we were on the same page and we were in this together. To start a family together. Shortly , after I moved in I started to notice things. I felt isolated and felt that all the important decisions had to go through her. In the two years, I never spent holidays or birthdays, or special occasions with her and family in the time we've been together. And only was invited to a few things with her friends. So I started to ponder how things would work if a baby was in the picture. The relationship remained stagnant.. It was very frustrating and I told her my concerns, but she'd tell me in time I could come around to functions. It became worse, she started to be bossy and always put me down. Humilated me in front of people. It wasn't working so we ended it. But everything came to light when coincidently she had been placed with a baby.
