Family still upset over my atheism, always trying to convert me to Christianity

dont sound like a great sitiuation, whats your home life like u still living at home with ur family? If not maybe give them some space. How long has it been since u came out? is it still new to them? Do they need some time, to process the infromation you have given them?

They shouldnt be forcing anything on to you, i am guessing you have spoken to them about this and have no results.

Maybe you need to tell them, look this is how i am and this is they way i am going to lead my life. I would like to have you in my life but i cant have all this bagage with reglion and you questioning my sexuality. So exepct how i am or i will have to take a step back untill you can.

 

Kira, I love you. You remind me of myself in so many ways (well, except the liking girls part). My family and I were pretty hardcore Christian when I was growing up, although they have slacked off it in recent years. It was a pain in the ass and I wish I had realized when I was your age just how much it was all bullshit.

The fact is, your family will probably understand you being a lesbian faster than they'll understand you being an atheist. Lesbian can be a gray area for Christians sometimes, but admitting you're an atheist is the equivalent of saying "I would like one ticket to hell please, can you take me now O' Lucifer light of the morning star?"

Since their faith is very important to them, they likely think they're doing you a favor by being insufferably annoying (because, hey, if their kid goes to hell then they've failed as godly parents right?).

My suggested strategies run two ways, but it depends on whether you still live with them or not. Do you?

If you do live at home, or still depend on them financially, then I recommend just rolling with it and refusing to talk about it at all. If the subject comes up, physically walk out of the house or go to your room and lock the door. Picking up a book or just putting your earphones in while they're talking is also a good way of conveying how few fucks you give about what they or their god thinks of you.

If you DO NOT live at home then you can go with my approach and test their priorities. I gave my parents a simple choice: Either accept me for who I am or I will sever all contact until you do. They chose me, and I would bet that your family would choose you. Such an ultimatum, while harsh, helps convey the gravity of the situation; that it's a part of who you are that you cannot change... But you can choose whether or not you continue to speak to your family.

The choice is yours, and it's important to ask yourself if your family's beliefs are standing between you and your happiness. They say you can't choose your family, but you really CAN. If you need space for awhile, go build a new support network.

I can tell you that nothing pisses me off more than having people "pray for me". I would much prefer they buy me coffee or something tangible. Also, nothing gets someone a beating from my "fuck-off stick" faster than quoting a bible verse in my direction. So I get where you're coming from and you have my sympathies and support in your ongoing fight against the soul-sucking void that is organized religion.

Totally not praying for you,

The Seeker

 

Kira,

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and about three years ago really tested the relationship between my mother and I. I told her I no longer wanted anything to do with witnesses or the religion. Or ANY religion for that matter. I can't say whether or not there is a God (and if there is I'm mad as hell at them!) but I know I want nothing to do with religion or 'God' or anything to do with that world that so many people have created.

When I told my mom she was so mad and sad and shocked. She threatened to not speak to me anymore. Which really hurt because my mom and I have always been best friends and closer than close. But I stuck to my guns and held my ground. I was never mean to her or offended her and her beliefs and she eventually came around. It took about a year but eventually she got that I wasn't willing to change my way of thinking for her - no matter how much she wanted me to.

She lives with me now due to financial reasons. She goes to meetings twice a week without me and she and I never talk about JW things. From time to time, however, she still tries to talk about her beliefs hoping I'll come around if she uses a gentle approach I guess. But I still stand firm and always find a way to change the subject in a nice way.

Three years later, my mother thinks I'm confused and lost, and I think the same of her. It will always be easier for me to agree to disagree than it will be for her. But I like to think we've come to an unspoken understanding and a mutual respect after all this time.

I hope you too stick to your guns and hold your ground. Unlike you, I was never bitched at relentlessly about my mothers beliefs and views. I didn't have my whole family coming down on me like yours is.

Is it possible for you to have a one on one with the members of your family and tell them that you feel like they're not respecting you and your beliefs the way you strive to respect theirs? That you love them very much and want them to accept you the way you accept them? Perhaps if you have a heart to heart with them one at a time or write them all a letter telling them *respectfully how you feel - maybe then they will be able to come around.

I know sometimes life isn't as easy as all that but I think that it's worth a try.

We all have to fight for what we believe in from time to time in our lives. This might just be one of those times for you. Don't give up. Fight the good fight if that's what it takes. But do it with love and respect for your family.

Yours family may totally be going about this issue the absolute wrong way but look a it this way - Perhaps, like my mother, they believe they are trying to save you and your soul. And they want to 'save' you because they love you so much. Let them know through your words and your actions that you appreciate how much they love you but that they are pushing you away and that you don't ever want religion to be the thing that comes between you and severs your bond forever.

I wish you the very best luck, Kira. And I hope you and your family come through this okay. (*hug*)

Aubrey