Hi All, looking for some advice: I met a girl eight weeks ago, and we started dating. On the second and third dates, we established the following: 1.) Neither of us were interested in seeing other women 2.) We wanted to take it slow because we were each dumped in the last calendar year. Here's the part where, if I want the best advice, I should say she's an alcoholic - sober for five years. She admitted to me that while her last relationship only lasted five months (it was with a fellow alcoholic - sober), it was intense, but ended abruptly, causing her to have intimacy issues and have a wall up. Anyway, everything was going as well as could be. Seeing each other twice per week, texting all day, everyday (most of which was initiated by her). But, things started to get odd last Friday. We were in the middle of making plans for Saturday, and she abruptly stopped texting at 7 PM. When I contacted her the following morning to follow up on plans, she said she fell asleep early. I agreed to drive to her house at 6 PM, and she texted me at 5:15, and said I shouldn't come because of the rain. I told her I'd prefer not to cancel as we otherwise wouldn't see one another for a week, and she agreed. When I got there, we went out to dinner and bowling, everything was great. She even talked about making plans for next week and mid October. But things got weird back at her house. She sat on the couch, arms crossed, clearly not wanting contact. She then started texting on her phone, to the point I became uncomfortable. I asked if everything was okay, she just responded with "Yeh." I then asked if she was tired, and she said yes, followed with "I need to be up at 6:00." I offered to leave and she didn't stop me. For the first time, she didn't hug or kiss me goodnight - didn't even walk me outside. On Sunday, I waited til 3:00 because I expected her to text and apologize. No such luck. I texted her, just saying "hi" and no response. So, on Monday and Tuesday, I sent a pretty brief, generic text, saying I was getting an uneasy vibe, and that if she didn't want to see me anymore, it's cool, just let me know. Nothing. No response. Wednesday, she texts me this "I'm sorry I didn't respond. To explain, I just wanted time to think things over, which I should have communicated to you, but I didn't want to start a conversation before having that opportunity. Then, your texts overwhelmed me. You're great, but we don't have a future." So, All, what's the deal? I mean, did this girl really end things because I sent three texts? If we were in the habit of texting two, three times per week, I wouldn't texted at all, but we were texting EVERYDAY. Had I not texted, would her "thinking" have gone differently? Would we still be together? I'm just upset, feeling that my three texts pushed her over the edge. Did I do wrong? Thoughts?
I don't think you did anything wrong. Something at her end caused her to go all funny. You could try to talk to her about it but I suspect if she was going to talk about it she would have brought it up herself instead of just shutting down on you. I'm sorry this happened to you. Try to use it as a learning experience, going forward.
There might be a lot happening on her end that she's not making you aware of. It sounds like she was backing away from you before. The texts may just have been an excuse, some kind of explanation that she could offer you without having to really explain how she's feeling. It's possible that she would have ended things whether you texted her or not. I definitely don't think you did anything wrong, from what you have here. It's possible she's not interested or it's possible she felt the two of you were getting too close and was terrified of continuing. There's no way of knowing for sure without talking to her about it.
