Came out to my straight friend, and now it's a disaster.

I guess that I shouldn't really be surprised.

I kept getting jealous and overly-attached because I really loved him, and even though he forgave me so many times for my toxic behavior, I kept on repeating the cycle of conflict with him. For instance, we were planning to go watch a movie together the other day, but he neglected to inform me that he was busy until I had to ask him at the last minute. Instead of just understanding and ignoring it, I took it extremely personally.

Things escalated to it's breaking point when he told me that he didn't want to go to lectures together anymore because he wanted to go with another friend. When I insisted on an explanation (because at that point I was convinced that he wanted to end the friendship), he said that it was because I didn't speak the same language as him (he's Chinese).

Initially I was infuriated by the seemingly racist tones and the feeling that he was going to abandon me for another friend, and I think that anger was what burned the bridge. He was sick and tired of all the drama, that much was obvious. That was when I decided I had nothing to lose and came out to him, and confessed my feelings.

He said that we could still be friends, but then the other day we were on the same bus to college, and he ignored me completely. Then after a couple of days when I tried to see where things were at, he said that he wasn't trying to ignore me but that 'there is nothing to talk about'. So he doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want to see me, but then we're still friends? So I told him that I'll leave it to him to decide when he's ready to reconcile, and that to me I'll always see him as a friend and that I'll have his back through thick and thin.

I decided that the best thing to do was to cut things off and create a space where I had 0 contact with him. I ended up changing my schedule so that we didn't share any classes together and made a new account on Steam so that I won't have to see him. It seems extreme, but from past experience this is the only way I find that works to destroy the unhealthy attachments.

I don't know. I just hope that one day we'll go back to being friends.