What's My Next Step?

I'm currently in my first relationship with someone, ever. He's someone who has only been out for three months (I've been out for a year and three months but only to a select few, I've been coming out more since this relationship started). He's dated a couple of girls in the past, but only for a couple months max.

He's incredibly shy and timid, to the point where I can't tell if he's not into me or just that nervous about.... something. The thing that makes me want to agree with the latter is that he's always making plans with me. I may think that he's not into me, and that an inevitable dump is coming, but then he'll invite me over to meet more of his friends.

We've kissed several times, though he obviously doesn't know what he's doing because it's like kissing a fish, but I find the inexperience adorable (for the record, I'm just as inexperienced, I've just been taught by the wise on how to kiss). We've had sex, which was started by some suggestive talk between us two until I finally asked him if he wanted to go for it. It ended with us finishing off ourselves because he was too nervous to keep it up. However, he did thoroughly enjoy the foreplay mechanics brought on by me while he did so.

Fast forward nearly a month, he's had things go on with family and friends and we haven't seen each other much, though we've had insightful discussions through text nearly every day. I invited him to a gathering of friends last night at a friend's house to drink some beer and play card games so that I could introduce him to my second family so-to-speak. It was a healthy mix of male and female, though we were the only gay ones there. He barely spoke the whole night, though he did stay involved with games. Friends would try to involve him in conversations by asking him questions, and he would answer them with short answers and go back to being quiet. My friends all asked me after he left if he had serious anxiety issues.

He was supposed to stay the night with me there, but asked if I minded that he head to bed early (at 11pm) while everyone's still playing games. I told him to just head home for the night since he needed to leave early the next morning anyway. Once again, couldn't tell if he was just super nervous around so many new people in one place, or if he just didn't like my friends maybe (non-judgemental, but loud and raunchy, as opposed to his group of friends who are more quiet and intellectual).

We cuddled by ourselves last night before he left, though it was more of me cuddling him, and him awkwardly putting his arm around me and trying to cuddle back. It was like a hoverhand that I felt make contact with my back once in awhile. He made the suggestion that he come visit me once a week, and that he even thought about getting a hotel for us to stay in together, but decided against it when he thought I might think it was sleazy (I live with my mother still who doesn't know my orientation).

Anyway, despite all of this, I'm in love with him. Whatever day I see him, the next day is guaranteed to be miserable because I'm not with him and I'm waiting anxiously by the phone for a simple "hey, what's up?" message. This relationship started awesomely because we were both new to relationships and being out to our friends, but I feel like I've jumped ahead. I feel like mentioning to him that I'm in love with him will make or break the relationship. It could scare him away, or it could let him know that his flaws (that perhaps he's nervous about) are what make him HIM, and that I love him unconditionally.

He's like a different person in his text messages, in that he's so much more talkative, outgoing, and mushy. He doesn't have a problem talking about where our relationship is at through text at all, and he gets onto me for beating around the bush with certain subjects, but in person it's just like we're friends until I make the initial intimate move, and then he (sloppily) follows suite. In this case, I could even bring up the "love" topic through text, as looked-down-upon as I'm sure that is.

 

Thank you, and that's what I'm very hopeful of!

He's also the first person I've ever been intimate with. What's funny is I always pictured my first boyfriend being the one who leads the way, and I'd be the anxious one worried that I'm wanting to take it too slow. But by meeting someone else who's in that spot instead, it's given me more courage and has made me more comfortable in my own skin, being the "initiator" and the "leader" of the relationship. And I understand if he wants to take it slow, I just want to know that he's still interested and isn't too nervous/shy to end a relationship with someone he's not fully interested in. I'm afraid to bring that conversation up, and even if I do, will my answer even be an honest one, not driven by the shyness of being truly honest? The fact that he is the one that keeps arranging hangouts for us is what keeps me hopeful. He also mentioned shortly after we met that he's still trying to grasp the concept that he's dating a man, after many failed attempts of dating women and realizing who he is. I met him three weeks after he came out of the closet.

I just really want to tell him how i feel, that I'm fully infatuated with him and I'll wait as long as it takes for him to be fully comfortable around me and I don't expect him to do anything he's not fully comfortable with. At the same time, I don't want to scare him off or let him know the pressure is on him by doing so.