I just discovered my dad is homophobic

Hi, ShyShutterbug.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to react well to your coming out, and with your parents, it can be an especially touchy subject. I'm sorry you feel your father wouldn't be accepting.
There are several things to consider here:

a) Your parents may have never considered that one of their children could turn out to not be straight. There is no way to know how they would react to your coming out. My mother was reasonably accepting and supportive of my gay aunt, but not of my own bisexuality. A slightly homophobic father might realize he loves his son more than he cares about "straight pride."
Yes, what you've said does indicate that your father won't throw a party when he hears the news. But if he loves you, if your relationship isn't too rocky, it's very likely he will, with time, come around if you do come out to him. Coming out isn't always easy, but if you're safe, it's usually worth it.

b) What is your situation? I'm assuming you live at home or are financially dependent on your parents. If that's the case and you feel there's any chance your parents may become verbally, physically, or emotionally abusive, or that they might kick you out or cut you off, it isn't a great idea to come out to them. Please keep that in mind.

c) You're questioning. At this stage it might not even help to talk to your parents, unless you're very close with them. If they react badly to your questioning, they may make you afraid of being anything other than straight. Asking for advice here on EC, or opening up to a close friend or an LGBT friend might be a better idea.

d) Don't feel pressured to come out. You're questioning, and you're young. You have a lot of time before you. Don't do anything you're not comfortable doing, and worry about coming out when the time comes for you to come out.

 

I agree with Lyana. My stepdad grew up in a pretty religious environment in a completely different country/culture where people were raised to be exclusively straight so I grew up hearing such stuffs as '' no gays allowed within my family'' from him and other things along the line. Being the rebel and human rights/LGBT rights fighter that I am I always casually pointed out to him that ''I would bring home whoever the heck I wanted and that he had no say in who I would or would not date." (I thought I was straight back then but still was offended by his words) Which threw him off a little but made him change his version to '' none of my sons should be gay'' which was pretty much as bad but meant the idea that I could possibly bring home a girl had made his way and he wasn't against it as much as he used to be.


I then went to live abroad for a year and met some very good friends there and two of them happened to be gay. One chose to visit me for a month so I obviously invited him to stay at my place. I obviously told my stepdad that my friend was Gay and warned him against saying anything homophobic during his stay and he surprisingly respected this and was incredibly welcoming to my friend. I actually think this stay completely changed him and the vision he had of gay guys.

I think he was full of clichés etc... and while my friend was much of a stereotype himself (completely flamboyant, into mode and super sassy) spending time with him and sharing his house with him probably made my stepdad realize that they were just normal people that could be pretty cool and that being gay didn't made them attracted to every guy (I think that was his biggest fear a gay guy hitting on him) and helped him relax, I think he actually admitted that it went much better than he thought and changed his vision a bit.
Since then, 3 years ago, I haven't heard anything homophobic coming from his mouth and while I haven't come out to him yet I am actually not scared of his reaction and happen to be prositive that he won't react badly, he won't be overjoyed obviously but I don't think he'll call me names or will cut contact. There is no way for me to be able to tell you how your dad would react but some people have very strong feelings about something but when they then happen to be confronted to such situation they change their mind and realize that what they thought was true and right probably wasn't and react in a much more positive way than we expected.

I know my stepdad really surprised me in his behaviour with my friend and I was/am very proud of him as I am conscious it is not easy for someone to change and shake their long built beliefs. There is no good advice but I am sure you'll be fine. Hugs to you OP ! (*hug*)

 

I think you are attaching too much importance to the Facebook 'like' that your dad gave.
It could have been quite harmless and maybe he is more open minded than you give him credit for.