Drunk an confused about romantic relationships

Hey everyone, I'm gunna apologize now if this doesnt make much sense but ive been drinking, sad, and really confused about everything. I recently got outta a 3 year relationship mostly because my ex boyfriend couldnt come to terms with me being transgender and began to see me as male when he identified as straight. I have an amazing friend/friend with benefits with my ex's consent when we were dating, and this friend has been nothing but there for me and constantly offering support and his love for me. I want to desperately move on an be happy with someone that actually loves an wants to be there for me, but I cannot get my ex out of my head. I moved in with him last year, and we just got a house together with a few mutual friends. Its not safe for me to go back to living with my parents and I dont really have any other friends so I'm stuck being around someone who broke my heart but wants to be my friend 24/7. I guess I just want someone, anyones advice on moving on. I spent three years through thick and thin with this guy and he decided that not only was it confusing sexually because he liked women and i didnt wanna be seen as a woman, but that i had been too good for him and he was not good enough for me. I really want to come to love my long distance friend that has always loved and supported me and cared like i love my ex, but I really cant make myself move on. I really hope this is the right thread to be posting this in too, let me know if it's not im pretty new still.

 

My ex and I didn't enter the relationship with either of us realizing I was trans. A little over a year into our relationship, I realized it like it was a smack to the face and I finally brought myself to come out to him a month or so after I had the realization. He was a little confused at first but very understanding and supportive in the end. He had said he would love and support me regardless, but not quite a year later he came out as asexual to me, which he just recently relieved to me he really wasn't and only did that because he felt uncomfortable/felt he was making me uncomfortable during sex. I think it was that he was actually starting to see me as male and realized he wasn't as okay with it as he thought he was before.

All in all, talking to him about everything that happened now (since we really have no choice, even if we have separate rooms now we still live together and are trying to make the best out of it by staying on the same page), I realize hes lied to me a lot about things in the past year to make me feel better and hide his emotions and never voiced his fears because he wanted me to be happy, but in the process he made himself miserable. It hurts to talk to him so much sometimes about everything I'm going through, not even with the breakup but with my depression, anxiety, and irrational thoughts, but he's really the only friend I have around me and I really struggle with talking to new people. My only other friends live in Texas and Virginia, and I'm currently going through college so even though both friends would take me in with open arms to live with them, moving away is not an option.

I'm trying my best to give it time and be patient with myself, but I'm not a very patient person to begin with I suppose. In my mind, its been a little over a month and I still feel as intensely about him as I had before. I know a month isn't long, but time is dragging so badly for me that one month has seemed like five. I've thought about moving on and trying to have a relationship regardless even if I don't feel ready, but I don't want to make my friend who cares about me a rebound and hurt him in the end as well even though he says he doesn't mind.

Thank you for your kind reply, though! It means a lot.