I' an only male child in my family, which means my family's name dies with me. I feel a lot of pressure on me to have kids and continue the family name from my very christian mother. I don't know how it is for gay couple. I know straight couples marry have kids with each other and have kids that continue the bloodline. Does anyone else who is an only son feel the same pressure? what do you do?
Hi there. You should definitely not try to be straight, even if that were a thing, just to continue the bloodline. A gay couple can have children as well, by adopting or building families by using donor eggs and a surrogate. All of this means the bloodline would not have to die with you, and you could start a family. Straight couples obviously have the more straight forward choise in this case, but in this day and age, more and more options become available, and safer as well. So try to embrace your sexuality the way it is, and I'm sure you'll live a happy life!
Yes i am the youngest and the only male in my family. For me i look at it this way, if your family is more concerned with passing on the bloodline than for your own happiness do you still want to give that name to your child if you were straight? I wouldnt. Plus if its very important to you then maybe you and you significant other can adopt at a young age then name it.
Thank you guys so much for your answers. This problem also important to me as well, the continuation of the family name. Though i'm not so worried about the bloodline I would be open to the idea of adopting or surrogacy (though surrogacy has a lot of complexities that come with it, like if he mother decides to keep the child). Another question is who takes who's name when getting married?
I am not an only son as obviously I am a woman but I am the only girl in my family (I only have brothers and my cousins are all boys) so I obviously feel as if I have a lot of pressure to marry and have kids. I am not out to my family and while I know they won't react badly if they find out I know my grandma will worry quite a bit about the baby part if I happen to end up with another woman. I do want kids though so there is that... Though I know a few straight only child who do NOT want to have kids, I suppose they also feel pressure to have children for the sake of their parents but I think it's important to live your life for you and not to please them, at the end of the day you'll be the one raising the child and financially providing for him or her. About the marriage nowadays it's up to each person whether they want to keep their last name, change it, or mix the two last names, so whatever you feel comfortable with I suppose.
I am the only son and the family name will most certainly end with me. It's something I'm very aware of and something that weighed heavily on my mind before I came out, but not anymore. Life is for living and if we reduce the purpose of our lives to maintaining a bloodline, we are, it seems to me, missing the point. It really bothers me that some gay men take this idea on board and enter into false relationships with women for the sole purpose of procreation. Adoption is such a positive and worthwhile thing to do and whilst it may not maintain the 'bloodline' it will continue the family name, if that's what you want. Many gay couples adopt and choose a double-barrelled name for themselves and any children, but I've known gay couples who adopt and use one surname only. It's something to discuss and decide upon together. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules.
All my cousins are girls too, so our "family name" dies a death with my generation, since everyone took their spouse's last name. Don't have kids because you're supposed to. They are major stressors in marriage/life (source: google 'I regret having kids'). Only have them if you desperately want them and want them to evolve into the humans they are, don't have them to fulfill society's expectations. The LGBT Later In Life forum is full of people who lived many months, years, or decades to fill society's expectations. So you don't have a kid. The family name might die, but you get to live.
Well I had been thru this straight life and had kids. Of course I had all girls so either way the last name dies with me.
A very good friend of mine is in the same boat as you. She's an only child and she hasn't come out to her parents yet. Her parents fight a lot and she worries they're just waiting until she goes to college to get divorced. She feels like she'll be seriously letting them down by coming out to them and that they will have less of a reason to stay together if she won't give them grandkids. What you have to remember is you are worth more to your parents than the promise of grandchildren. You shouldn't have children just to make them happy. You should only have kids if you want to because obviously raising children is a big responsibility and you should only be doing it for the child, no one else can make that decision for you. Yes, they could be a bit disappointed at not getting grand children, but they'll have to get used to that because that's just the way you are and what will make you happy. They want you to be happy, even though it may sometimes seem like they don't understand, deep down all they want is for you to be happy. Would they rather have an unhappy son who had kids just to please them and hypothetical grandkids that are being raised by a dad who didn't quite want to have them in the first place or would they want a happy son who's living his life in the way that makes him happy and loving who he loves and doing what he wants? Even if they are angry at first because they don't understand or they are ignorant, deep down they want you to be happy and not have kids if you don't want to or can't. They raised you to make your own decisions and that's your own decision to make. Best wishes<3
Gay couples can have children through various means. One of your sisters can arrange with their partner to give their child the name. If your sister's have yet to be married they can see if the man is willing to change his name. There are alternatives here but it may require some creativity on the whole family's part.
