I'm a pansexual girl and I have feelings for my best friend. I was worried about this happening, but I've really fallen for her. Yesterday, she told me that she was pretty sure she was bisexual. She told me a few months before that she was questioning her sexuality and I've been trying my hardest to be supportive. I was excited, of course, that she might actually like me back. But the feeling didn't last very long because she told me that she had feelings for a girl in one of her classes. I was absolutely devastated. We had a sleepover last night and stayed up talking for hours. We sat super close on her couch and from her body language, it seemed as if she was interested in me. It's hard to tell, though, since we are such close friends. If it were anyone else, I would probably tell them how I felt about them, but it's different with her. I don't want to ruin the friendship or make anything awkward because she's my closest friend. We talk every single day and we hang out on the weekends as well. So what should I do? Should I tell her how I feel? Am I just overanalyzing everything and she doesn't have feelings for me at all? What about the girl she supposedly has feelings for?
Firstly, cool down. Reeeeeelllaaaax. Tearing your hair out won't help you here. Deep breath in, out. Till you relax. Better? First question: does she know you're pan? That would probably be a key role in this. Second: Do you know exactly the girl she likes? Third: are you willing to let hell enter your relationship if she ever rejects you? The first is to know if she accepts you for who you are. Shouldn't be a problem since she's bi, but in my school, they're people who are simply 'bi cuz it's cool (bs)' so I'd take caution in that. The second is to avoid any misunderstandings. Is the girl she likes LGBTQ+? Is a one-sided crush, or a puppy crush on your friend's side? Even worse, is your friend bi because she likes that girl? (I call that [insert name]sexual.) Thirdly, are you willing to go through hell? I would say no, judging from your message. Personal experience-I confessed to a classmate once. She's homophobic, mind you. She knows I'm bi-it's an open secret. Basically she started avoiding me totally for around a year-2 years later and we're still in the same class, and she isn't so awkward around me any more. In the very least she does talk to me. But in the past she was very shy-she would flinch away when you tried to touch her, etc. I seriously went through hell to see her so on guard around me, though we did say we'd be friends. (Though now she's a total b*tch and I wonder-what did I see in her, last time?) Back to the point. Your friendship is so close-the line between friends and lovers is thin. You're practically walking on a tightrope here. Friends, or lovers? For me I would remain friends if we still are going to be friends years down the road, or you have to face her for another few years. If not, I'd confess. But there is another method, maybe? I would try it, especially if you're not seeing her in the next few years and you are...willing to risk the relationship. If you're okay, I would suggest dating without strings attached. First things first, I know not everyone is okay with this-had a conversation about this once, they said no and I said yes. The reason as to why I said NSA was because it could be a casual remark that could be brushed off easily. It wouldn't be serious, and it would give you both time to develop in your feelings. You could try to court her seriously during that period-don't give her a bomb with your feelings, but small things that could slowly change her perspective of you. Of course it may be hard since you're already best friends, but NSA is really the way I would go, if I were you. Unless of course your relationship is similar to mine and my...(I dunno, near ex?) best friend. Practically the entire class thinks we're dating (the thought in itself is repulsive. We're both bi and touchy-feely, that's why, I suppose.) If your relationship was like that, then it'll be hard. But mainly, the reason why I said NSA...it's painful, but you can be near her too, when you guys are in a 'relationship'. But of course, when the time comes, you have to let go, since it's a NSA relationship.
She was actually the first person I came out to, so she does know that I'm pan. I know the girl she likes and I've spoken to her a few times, actually. I don't think she's the type of person who would say that she's bi because it's "cool", but I will definitely take caution. However, one of my other friends came out (he's gay) a few months before I came out, so maybe she said she was bi because she wants to "be accepted by us?" After he came out, she told me that she was questioning her sexuality. That was before I told her that I was questioning it myself. So it is possible that she only came to the conclusion that she was bi because she felt pressured to be the only one in our group that was still trying to figure it out. The girl she likes is a lesbian and I'm not sure if the crush one-sided. I would ask my friend more about it, but anytime I think about the girl she likes, I just feel this sickening feeling in my stomach. I'm jealous, I guess you could say. I'm not sure if it's worth the risk. If I did end up dating her or confessing my feelings, I don't think our friendship would ever be the same. I definitely don't want to lose her as a friend, but how can I put aside my feelings and stay friends with her without it absolutely tearing me apart?
