I have this friend, who I kind of do have a crush on, but I can live with that. What worries me here, is, she's falling for an older guy she has hated all summer long, but her thoughts have changed for some reason. My friend is my age and that guy is like 30...? Ok, there are 30 year old guys who are actually cool. They are mature and all that stuff, I guess... It's really the way I've learned to see him from her messages to me since June and also that he has a girlfriend, but he says he's not serious about her. To me he sounds like somebody who just wants to get her in to bed, but she doesn't listen to anything I've got to say about him at all. Do you have any suggestions, how I can help her even if she doesn't want any help?
Hi there! Let me begin by saying that it's evident you're a wonderful, caring friend because you're asking how you can better help your friend. That says a lot. My advice is that you let her make the choices she wants to make, but be there for her when she needs you. It sounds to me like you have the correct impression of this older guy, but unfortunately it's rarely easy to convince anybody that someone is bad for them when it's something that they want. You just have to sit back and let what happens happen. If she asks you for your opinion, by all means tell her what you think (in a friendly, caring way), but otherwise I wouldn't bother her too much because she may become annoyed that you're so concerned with her relationship. She most likely wants your friendship to continue just as it has. Most people find themselves in your position at some point, and from my experience, it's impossible to convince someone to do something until they recognize it on their own. The best thing you can do is be her support when it goes wrong (because it most likely will, just based on the age-gap between the two of them). Hope everything goes well for you and your friend!
Thanks for this one. The problem is, I really don't want to let her get hurt. But I can't do anything about ot anyway. So, I'll try to do as you suggested...
I agree with TJ, my closest friend fell for a complete deadbeat of a boyfriend and I REALLY tried to warn her but it didn't work, she was obviously blinded by love. I knew sooner or later she would find out his true self and it did broke my heart to have to let it happen knowing full well that it meant she would hurt, but I knew pushing it too far would mean losing her, so I let her do her mistake and eventually she realized herself what was happening and did what she had to do. I think she was thankful for sticking by, more than she would have had I try to ruin what she saw as THE relationship. Good luck anyway as I know it's hard. :$
I hope you forgive me for bringing this up again, but since there's been a slight turn on this... I actually got to talk to this guy without my friend anywhere near and now it's not that I'm afraid he's not really good person anymore, now I know that for sure. I mean, he found time to threaten me... and as far as he's concerned I'm a little girl. How's that for a nice guy? I just can't leave it like this. Please, help.
I think you could possibly tell your friend about the fact that her boyfriend threatened you but I don't think you can do much more than that. What did you guys talk about ? How are their relationship going ? Why did he threaten you ?
