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My parents don't like talking about my identity.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Posthuman666, Sep 27, 2015.

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  1. Posthuman666

    Posthuman666
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    I came out to my parents towards the beginning of the summer. They are accepting of me and who I am. But they don't like talking about it. If I bring it up, they just go quiet and maybe might say a few okays throughout the conversation, if it could even be called that. They have asked maybe 4 questions about it in general, and I don't know.


    I am going to see a gender specialist next week. I believe it will be great. I also feel like at this point in time my parents need the guidance more than I do. I feel like they deny who I am and just don't want me to talk about it. My parents also are very adamant about not talking me to the LGBT+ center in my area. A gender group meets every other week, ad every time I mention it, they say they don't want me to go until we see a specialist. I very much think that they don't believe in my identity and need a specialist to clarify that who Ia am is real. I respect that they don't want to take me to the LGBT+ center, but I also want to respect myself enough to realize how helpful it would be talking to people like me. Things are not easy being a trans teenager, and I really could use the support. That is what frustrates me the most. They seem to be more worried about protecting the old me, the dmab individual, rather than having the real me even be real.


    I know they need time to digest things, but it is incredibly frustrating that after I came out, it is worse than when i was closeted.

    Does anyone have any advice? I feel like shit and then I cant talk to them about it because all I get is some dejected "ok" and I feel like they are invalidating my indentity and it is really hurting me.
     
    #1 Posthuman666, Sep 27, 2015
  2. horrorgeek

    horrorgeek
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    First of all, that's so awesome that you'll be seeing a gender specialist! But it also really sucks that your parents aren't being very actively supportive of you and how you identify.

    Unfortunately, I also really get how that feels. A pretty long while ago I came out to my mom as agender, but it was pretty concise and unemotional. I still don't know whether she just didn't understand what I was telling her or if it makes her uncomfortable or what, and I don't really know how to bring it up again, as I figured she would've wanted to know a lot more about what's going on with me.

    In your case, though, I think your gender specialist will be able to help out a lot with figuring out how to communicate with your parents so they hopefully will accept and understand that your identity is real and valid, and also be more responsive to your concerns in return. In the meantime, if you think it's something that'd be safe to do and wouldn't cause you too much anxiety or anything, you might try to be more explicit about how their unwillingness to talk much about your being transgender makes you feel.

    Best of luck (*hug*)
     
    #2 horrorgeek, Sep 27, 2015
  3. JB2015

    JB2015
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    I also think the gender specialist is a good idea.

    I'm sorry they're making you feel that you need to hide who you are.

    I'm also sorry they won't take you to your local LGBT center.
    You are absolutely correct that talking to people like you would be of great help.

    Since they don't seem to be open to conversation, have you thought about typing up a letter or sending them an email expressing how you feel?
    This could help you organize all of your feelings and get them out there without all the awkwardness, and it would also give them time to process them.

    Many LGBT+ centers also have resources and groups for parents, and even offer individual family support.

    Contact your local LGBT+ center and see what they have to offer.

    I'm actually working with the PFLAG chapter of my local center to try and help my dad understand my orientation, and they've offered a number of things, including talking to and meeting with my dad
    one-on-one.

    Best of luck.
     
    #3 JB2015, Sep 28, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2015
  4. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

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    They may be stating that they "accept" your identity, but they really don't yet. They probably are feeling that they miss the former version of yourself. They may not be anti-trans per say, but they miss their son. This is why they do not like talking about it. They do not sound like they have any sort of "moral" issue with who you are or anything like that. If your seeing a gender specialist, it sounds like they are not actively trying to stop you from being the truer version of yourself. My guess would be that as time goes on, they will become accustomed to the new version of yourself. However, I don't really know them. If they are very involved with a conservative, religious lifestyle than I would say that they probably are uncomfortable on more of a "moral" type level. In that case, I doubt that they will ever come around.
     
    #4 Contact1111, Oct 9, 2015
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