I have not posted on here in so long, as I am now out and proud and loving life However, I have got to a point where things are developing with this one girl (named A for simplicity) but I don't know what to do about it. We met on Skype when a mutual friend (B) introduced us, as both A and B had got talking through a Tumblr group and they decided to add me. We hit it off immediately, and during that first conversation we established A's mental struggles, both our sexualities (which are pretty much the same), gender orientation, etc. So it got pretty deep pretty quickly (ey, that's what she said )We have spoken everyday since, all through Skype. Before you ask, I have seen her on her facecam, she is who she says she is, B has also known her for a year longer than me and can confirm she is legit. She has 100% admitted having feelings for me. I have also realised I have feelings for her, but am yet to tell her this, as I have a few worries about where this might go. Firstly, she lives in the Netherlands, and I'm in the UK. I've always said that long-distance relationships are almost impossible, as of course you face so many extra struggles besides the usual ones. So naturally I'm like "no, don't do it". But I really like her. Another worry is that I have never actually seen her standing in front of me, never touched her, smelled her etc. I don't want to visit her/her to visit me and then for it not to work irl. A is also two years younger than me (17), the same age as my brother. Even though she acts older, I am worried that our different experiences will become a barrier in the relationship. In addition to this, I go to uni in a week's time. I'm going to be flooded with so many new things that I'm worried that this will seem like something trivial (even though right now it doesn't feel like that could ever be the case), as I have had nothing really to focus on but her in the last few months. Right, I think that's it with the worries. I REALLY like her though. I'm always checking my Skype now to see if there's a new message from her, and every time she turns on her facecam my heart skips a little. I'm also pretty sure she's into me - for example, last night we both stayed up for hours just talking on Skype, until I finally had to tell her to go to bed (even though she said she didn't want to) because she had school the next day. I've read other posts here which say long-distance relationships are possible, and some which warn against them. I apologise for the long post, but I would really like any advice on what to do in this situation.
I think the main thing with long-distance relationships is that they require some "short-distance" contact to be healthy, and really the Netherlands and UK are not that far apart. You should get rid of the fear of failure about a visit because you are almost guaranteed to fail if you never get close. Overall, I think you should be honest with her that while you also like her, you recognize it is a challenge due to the distance and you starting university. She should understand, and really it is better if you two talk about your feelings openly and honestly than trying to promise too little or too much. Ideally, you want to remain friends even if a romantic relationship is not possible.
Thank you resu. I know we need to have some time in each other's company, but I won't be able to go to the Netherlands until the summer, and I'm not sure when she'll be able to come and see me. In a rational mind I'm kind of like "back off until we meet in person" but then irrationally I want to get closer to her now. Long distance sucks :/ I'd appreciate any more words of wisdom people have to offer!
I wouldn't shut it off entirely. I agree with resu, and I would talk with her about how you feel. I think if both parties understand the challenges and are still willing to go for it, that's what's most important. For some people, physical distance is really arbitrary, if the love and commitment is there. You could be thousands of miles apart in physical distance, but your hearts could be next-door neighbors. Since you both have feelings for each-other, I would definitely see how she feels about the distance aspect and if she has any concerns. I would also say Don't lose out on any opportunities you have for social interaction while you are waiting for a visit, especially if it will be this next summer. That's very different then, say. years from now. If the distance really becomes an issue for a romantic relationship, would you still want to remain friends? I really would advise against backing off until a visit though. It's clear you do not really want that. Best of luck.
That's really interesting JB2015. I was expecting more "don't do it". I am planning on talking to her about it, I just kind of need to build up things I'm going to say. I mean we're talking constantly throughout the day, knowing what each of us are up to etc, so we're definitely up to speed with each other. I think if we do go for it I would like to do all the watch movies together, listen to music together etc even if we're not in the same room. Thanks for the encouragement!
I'd say just say what you are feeling. Write down your thoughts/talking points, if you think that will help structure things. In terms of watch movies together, listen to music together etc, very easy to do with Skype and other platforms. I've heard of several long-distance couples that do that. If this relationship feels right, I'd say go for it! Again, best of luck!
We've talked and both agreed that we like each other! However I've said I want to wait until I'm settled at uni before I say yay or nay, as my brain can't cope with a new relationship right now. She understands and says that's ok. Let's see what the next few weeks bring
