So it's been a long time since I have posted here, but I guess I need some input again. Last time I came for help was because of this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/143861-love-my-best-friend.html To explain my current situation: I now identify myself as gay. The deal with my friend is now completely over - we talked it through again and it is a done deal. He is still my best friend now - actually, an even better friend than before. My problem is though, that I seem to be unable to open myself to anybody new. I really love my friend (as a friend now) because he really understands me and can sympathise with me. I don't get that feeling with anybody else - not even my other best friend, or my family. I actually feel quite distant from my family (not out to them yet) I recently moved to another country for one semester as an exchange student. I hoped this could be a new start from me. I already came out to two friends (girls) here and things are going good, but when I start looking around to check if I could meet a guy, I just can't move forward. I just can't imagine myself in a nice relationship with anyone, I don't trust anyone and I'm scared to try anything. I have one experience with a guy, but this ended rather badly (he just stopped replying to my messages whatsoever without any explanation). So I think that feeds this problem even more. I know what it feels like to be really connected to someone (my best friend) but I can't open myself to anybody new to form such a good connection with somebody who could actually reciprocate it, also because of my last experience. Has anybody gone through something similar, and if so, what has helped you overcome it?
Don't dwell on the past. And more importantly, don't compare your future relationships to the one you had with your "best friend", who according to my understanding gave you ambiguous signals and was unfairly "teasing" you. I could be mistaken about your situation, but I read about that kind of thing too frequently on EC.. Allegedly "straight" guys with whom the OP has an ambiguous and frustating relationship. That aside, I noticed on your other thread that you have sexual problems as a result of male genital mutilation. Quite a lot of guys are restoring their lost foreskin (along with sexual sensitivity and function) with manual tugging or homemade / commercial restoration devices. Just a heads up if you've never heard of foreskin restoration before.
1) I don't really dwell on the past per se. I can see where you are going, but this is not completely the case. The relationship I have now with my friend is 100% healthy right now, as I said we talked about it openly a few times and the line is clearly drawn between us. The reason I mentioned him was to: a) give some history b) give an example of a good relationship I have. Like I have a very strong bond with him, but with some other friends as well (just not as strong, that's why I highlighted him). The problem is that I can't really get myself to create a bond with somebody new - when I meet somebody new, even if I like them, I long for my closest friends and I don't really let anybody new get really close to me. And when I imagine having sex, it doesn't feel right, because I want to be at least a bit close to somebody before I get physical with him. It's just this hindrance in my head that I can't get over. 2) Thanks a lot for the tip, I have already looked into that, but unfortunately gave up a while into it. But I've been wanting to start again, thanks for mentioning it, maybe this post will be the final push for me to get back into it.
I'm pretty similar in that I've never been able to feel a serious romantic connection to someone (or at least not fully embrace it myself). Here's things that I think could be causing it for me and could be things for you to think about: 1) Even though I thought I was open to the idea of myself being gay, I realize I still have a lot of hangups about not being straight so I'm apprehensive to trust my feelings fully 2) I'm kind of insecure and never really feel like people could like me even when they do, it's just kind of weird for me so I think the idea of a mutual connection is scary for that reason 3) My past experiences with relationships have made me fear being hurt or hurting someone else, which seems to be what you're going through Remember it could be more than one factor affecting it. I think you first need to be patient with yourself. It's not like you can force yourself to fall in love with someone, even a with a perfectly good person so you shouldn't put pressure on yourself for that. You could work on doing these things that might help: Be open with people, talk about your feelings so you can be used to being vulnerable and opening up and being honest. Think positively about the things you do have and the qualities you possess, even the "flaws" because it's important to recognize that your flaws make you who you are and you deserve to be loved. No one deserves to be treated the way you were in your last relationship. You certainly didn't deserve that and that was very wrong of him. But that's him. He's not every other guy. So just try to be patient and go easy on yourself. You're not going to be into every guy you meet anyway. Some people are very picky that way (not in a bad way, they just are only attracted to some people). Trying to think about all the guys you know that you could be into isn't going to help you. You'll just have to be patient. Best of luck(*hug*)
Hey bubbles, I think you understood my situation very well and the part I quoted is probably the best advice you could give me. I'm just 21, I got plenty of time to find someone. Thanks for the heads up
