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How can I meet people and make meaningful friendships/bonds? + help with a crush

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by WhiteShadows, Oct 3, 2015.

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  1. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    Hi :slight_smile:

    I haven't been on EC for like... a year... but I guess I'm feeling kind of lost at the moment and I wanted to ask you guys for any advice you might have.

    A quick summary of my life up till now:
    - Fell really hard for my best friend in highschool, the friendship took two years to get intimate enough for me to talk to him about it (he was straight)

    - Realised I wasn't straight when I got obsessed with him

    - Finished Highschool, needed a break so I took a gap year and went on exchange to Costa Rica (which was amazing!!)

    - Had a great time, came back to Australia, started University

    So now I'm in second semester at University, and I guess I'm finding it hard to meet people. After all the excitement of exchange and being in a very open and friendly culture, I'm just finding it hard to connect with people here.

    I've lost touch with a lot of my old friends since they're in 2nd year now. I guess I've met people at Uni that I get on with, but... It just seems like a very kind of
    "Hey, how's semester going? ... ok, see around I guess" type of friendship. I'm finding it hard to have something to consistently socialise over; everyone just seems to already have their own friend groups and be so busy with study.

    I just feel like it was so much easier to make proper friendships in school, where you consistently see people all the time and you're all kind of closer. I also feel like being older makes the friend-making process harder... since its harder to connect over more juvenile stuff like games and homework etc.

    The other thing is, there's this one guy I'm kind of interested in. Obviously I'm aware that I can't get invested until I know his sexuality, but... I'm finding it hard to form a more solid friendship. Right now we're on talking terms; I got his facebook the other day and have messaged about a few casual things like our Uni courses. But I don't really know where to go from there. And I only really have one course with him but because of timetables I hardly ever see him.

    I'm more or less gay... and I suppose I'm open about it, but I only really tell people when they ask or if it becomes relevant. Pretty much nobody I know at Uni knows, but I can't think of a reason to just say: "Oh hey, by the way I'm gay" out of the blue. So few people know I'm gay.

    I really want to make some meaningful friendships and be open for the possibility for any relationship that might come my way, and I feel that this being my last year as a teenager, I'm running out of time to experience that kind of young, innocent bond/relationship.

    tl:dr
    How can I connect with people better? And possibly get to know this boy better?
    I spend quite a bit of time studying, so maybe I could invest time in something a bit more proactive...
    Feel free to ask any questions about my life haha. I just don't really know what I'm doing with it at the moment :frowning2:

    (*hug*)
     
    #1 WhiteShadows, Oct 3, 2015
  2. Aspen

    Aspen
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    Making friends can be hard. If you have an exam coming up for that course, you could ask him if he wants to hang out and study. Or if your university is holding an event that you think the both of you might enjoy, you could invite him to go along.

    If there are any clubs that you're interested in and you have time to attend their meetings, consider going to one or two. Check them out and get involved if you like them.
     
    #2 Aspen, Oct 4, 2015
  3. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    Thanks Aspen for your advice :slight_smile:

    Unfortunately the course we have in common is super easy so I'm not sure if I'll end up doing much organised study when the exam comes around haha. But I do have a plan: I'm thinking of changing my degree to a maths major, which is what he does. And I told him this, and asked if he could give me some advice, and he said I could look through some of his work previous work he did in a maths course and see what I thought. I also offered to give him advice about studying overseas since he's thinking of doing that. So yeah, when Uni starts up this week I'm hoping to do that... I just hope I can get talking more to him over that opportunity.

    There are a few clubs I'm a member of, I just haven't been recently and there haven't been many events on. I guess I'll just persist and maybe try and join some new ones.
     
    #3 WhiteShadows, Oct 5, 2015
  4. Damo

    Damo
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    Hey man, totally agree that it's hard to connect with people here. But it's not impossible! And don't think when we get older it gets harder to talk about juvenile things. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    1, you can try asking questions like what they wanna do after they finish their course, share funny moments (I do it all the time), be random, ask what their hobbies and interests are, music, movies, games , travelling (you went to Costa Rica.. Great adventure to talk about!) and etc. Once you find something that both you and the other person like the conversation can really flow. (Same thing applies to talking to the boy)

    2, don't change your course because a boy you like is in it. No one is worth pre-determining your own future over. You are your no.1 concern, make sure the degree in maths major is something you really want to do! I say this in a friendly way :slight_smile:

    3, definitely getting involved in clubs can help, or exercising/dance groups, you can definitely get to make new friends there! :slight_smile:

    And 4, Australia! What part of Australia are you from? I hail from good old QLD :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #4 Damo, Oct 6, 2015
  5. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    Damo, don't worry, I definitely wouldn't be changing courses because he's doing maths haha. I actually just feel Iike it might be more suited to me.

    I got to talk to him a bit recently :slight_smile: its just hard to talk with him consistently since I only see him like once a week. I'm going to try Facebook messaging him a bit, I just don't want to come off as weird or annoying.
     
    #5 WhiteShadows, Oct 13, 2015
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