Sorry guys this is a long one... So there is a possibility I might have depression (probability I'm just lazy and unfit!), I went to the doctors because I'm tired all the time and it was something she mentioned and something I can't get out of my head because my blood tests came back fine. I've been thinking a lot about myself, my future and well everything recently so I've got a lot on my mind at the moment and to top that off my boyfriend and I had a conversation the other day about how I don't always react to things how he wants me to. It's something that's been brewing for the last few weeks I think. We're quite different when it comes to affection and touching etc. To me he is quite clingy/very touchy feely, it seems like he always has to be touching me when we're together and I think this is too much. Don't get me wrong I like to hug and cuddle, but it's all the time with him, touching/stoking my arm etc and I just don't like it. The other day we had a chat about this because I hadn't hugged him when he wanted and he felt rejected (he actually used that word). I was busy getting ready packing as we were going away that day and he just had bad timing. But he took it the wrong way and got a bit upset by it all. He explained how he is insecure and how I'm really important to him and when I act like that he starts to over think things and worries I could leave or whatever. I felt like he was blaming me for a lot of things and for why he was feeling rubbish which just made me feel rubbish, like I get I have to show affection and support him but he doesn't seem to understand I'm not that touchy feely and sometimes I don't like it. The other thing on my mind is that I currently don't enjoy sex - something he really likes. I tried to talk to him about it and he got really upset thinking I wasn't attracted to him. I have absolutely no idea what it is, maybe I just don't like sex, maybe I'm not attracted to him, maybe it's something linked to my tiredness. It's confusing and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do because I care for him, but knowing about how insecure he is has put a lot of pressure on me that perhaps I don't need right now and I don't know how to deal with it. If none of that makes much sense I apologise, I'm very tired right now but just needed to get it off my chest. Any advice greatly appreciated x
Honestly, withdrawing from contact and experiencing a lower sex drive can also be related to depression, which you mention at the start of your post. I don't know if those are recent feelings for you, but I wanted to mention it. If blood work came back fine, though, then perhaps it would be a good idea to start exploring other options. You mention being "lazy and unfit" - do you ever exercise? If not, starting could do wonders to lift your mood - it's a professionally well known correlation that the more active we are, the better our moods will be. This doesn't have to involve going to the gym (though that would be great!), but could be as simple as taking a walk during the day. Start with whatever steps you find comfortable and work from there. You could also search out a therapist to start seeing - or even just to see once or twice to check out if you think counseling would be helpful. You could ask the doctor who suggested depression for referrals to any therapists in the area.
