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I Did A Really Stupid Thing For My Straight Friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MWill88, Oct 9, 2015.

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  1. MWill88

    MWill88
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    Hello fellow members. A couple of months ago a straight buddy asked me if he could watch me have sex with another guy. I was reluctant because I have had feelings for my friend ever since I met him.

    After much conversation with him, I decided to do this only because I wanted to please him. He found some guy on Craigslist that was interested. We went to his house, smoked weed and drank alcohol to get ourselves "relaxed". This guy proceeded to perform oral sex on me while my friend watched. My friend really got into what we were doing. He even started telling us what to do and we did it.

    During this session, I begged my friend to take of his shirt. He obliged. I later asked him to pull down his pants, he obliged. We asked him to show us his penis. He did. I, then, asked him if I could see his feet. He knows I have a foot fetish. He took of his shoe and placed his foot on the couch and ordered both me and the guy to suck on his toes. We obliged. He would not let us touch any other part of his body but his foot.

    The day after this session, he told me that was a one-time thing and would never happen again. He insisted he was straight and only did this for me. I am so confused. This man hounded me for weeks to set up a session for him to watch and now he is insisting he is straight.

    Our friendship has been affected by this. I've, recently, began to pull away from him. My feelings are so strong for him. I've told him again how I feel and he directly told me to get myself in check. He's not into men. He said I could not handle him being a freak. Whatever that means.

    I feel used. I knew what was doing before I did it, but I cannot help but feel used. He has changed the way he acts toward me. We use to be so cool. Now, I feel like I am burden to him. So I've start to pull away. I've told him how I felt about what happened. I wish I didn't do this stupid thing. I am so hurt. Really hurt. Please help me to overcome this pain I feel. I really do love this man. Stupid me.
     
    #1 MWill88, Oct 9, 2015
  2. TJ

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    Hey there, (*hug*)
    I'm really sorry to hear about what your friend did to you. :frowning2: That's not okay. It is never okay for a friend to pressure you into doing something you're hesitant about, especially when it's sexual.

    It's understandable that you feel used because, honestly, he did use you. And to add insult to injury, he's not taking responsibility for the fact that it was all his idea. It sounds to me like your friend has some emotions surrounding his sexuality that he needs to sort out.

    You need to understand that this guy is not being a good friend to you right now. He's really hurt you by being insensitive to your feelings. That's not to say that things can't change in the near future, but I think you should give your friend some space and see what happens. If he's really a good friend, he'll recognize that what he did is wrong and he'll apologize. Otherwise, I really can't recommend that you waste your time on someone that doesn't respect you.

    I hope you're okay, and again, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
     
    #2 TJ, Oct 9, 2015
  3. Contact1111

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    It sounds as though he was curious. Now that curiosity has been satisfied and he is embarrassed about his "experiment". Unfortunately, that experiment was you and now something more has developed on your end. Clearly, it was wrong to just use you like that. It's especially wrong since it sounds like you were such good friends before. Don't try to push things, because as he said he is not really interested in men in that kind of way. For him, this was a one time thing. Whether or not he is really being honest with himself, I don't know. He might be, but even if he isn't, it's his call what he wants to do with his life.
     
    #3 Contact1111, Oct 9, 2015
  4. MWill88

    MWill88
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    Thanks for the responses. I do think my friend is curious. He has watched gay porn in the past. Whether or not he got turned on, I don't know. He is, definitely, a ladies man; but I think he has some "cravings" that he will not admit to. It's not my problem to solve.

    It's hard to stay away from him because we work together. Every time he comes by my desk, my mood just lifts. The way he smiles. The way he talks. The way he smells. Everything about him just intoxicates me. When that session happened, I was turned on in a way I have never been turned on before. Just the sight of him standing there.....

    Today is the first day we have not talked to each other. Walking past his office and seeing him at his desk and not chatting really bothered me. I'm in love with this man. I have been for a long time now. I have to admit this to myself. I have to, also, accept that he is straight. If he is curious or not, I have to let him decide.
     
    #4 MWill88, Oct 9, 2015
  5. MWill88

    MWill88
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    I'm missing my friend really bad. No communication at all. I really want to get him out of my system soon. This really sucks.
     
    #5 MWill88, Oct 11, 2015
  6. Nicosa

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    I will,

    Speaking from experience here... what you are feeling WILL PASS, sooner than you expect. Try to be strong in the resolution to distance yourself from him. Maybe turn your attention to something new, a hobby, sports, work/study, other friends. I realized that i had grown apart from many friends while focusing on my "troubled friend". I hope you feel better man. Just curious... how long have you two been friends?

    Hugs
     
    #6 Nicosa, Oct 12, 2015
  7. MWill88

    MWill88
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    Nicosa, thanks for the advice. I have known for about 8 years. We've been really close for about 2. I did have lunch with him yesterday. I called him. I couldn't stand this anymore. I tried to just have regular conversation. I did notice a change in our usual way of doing things. When we finish eating, we usually talk for awhile. He immediately paid the bill and was ready to leave. I was hurt by that.

    I did some real soul-searching last night. During our conversation, he was telling me our he juggles many women. The tricks and lies he tells. I, also, caught him in lies he has told me. I asked myself what do I see in this guy. Other than sex, what else is it. He's not truthful about alot of things. Do I really want to be connected to someone that I cannot believe anything he says? I am a very honest person. Too honest sometimes. Also, I am a very caring person. I don't believe in using and manipulating people; especially people I care about.
     
    #7 MWill88, Oct 13, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2015
  8. resu

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    You are just another ball he's juggling, and he's thrown you up and may not catch you when you fall. Don't be a people-pleaser with a guy like this and give him control over you. You are not a burden; he made a choice as much as you did to be there. You might be physically attracted to him, but I think deep down you understand that you want an equal relationship. It may be best if you more strictly limit your interactions, even lunch if it's causing you so much heartache.

    Start taking off your blinders to other guys. This guy is not your only chance at love. There are plenty of other guys who have gone through the big hump of figuring out their sexualities and are willing to be equal partners.
     
    #8 resu, Oct 13, 2015
  9. MWill88

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    I just wanted to give an update on my situation. It seems our friendship has ended. Probably, for the best. There has been alot of tension between us since our "encounter" and it is, mainly, being blamed on me. He says I am too emotional when I express my feelings about anything dealing with us.

    Unfortunately, we work together and see each other every workday. I have had two different people to tell me about him saying I want him, etc. I am taking the high road. It hurts like hell; but in the end I know I will come out ok. I knew what kind of character he had way before I did this silly thing. He lies ALOT. He deceives people and take pride in doing it. But like a lot of us gay guys, we see something so hot and we just have to have it. Not realizing the agony it will cause us in the end.

    I never thought we would end up at this place. Maybe this is how things should be. I can now start to get over my feelings for him and move on with my life. I cry sometimes at night from the guilt of allowing myself to fall for him knowing all that I know. I fell for the pretty words. I feel as soon as he got what he wanted, I was no longer needed. I've never done anyone like this. It's a learning lesson and I will never make this mistake again.

    Thanks to all who have given me advice and words of encouragement.
     
    #9 MWill88, Oct 28, 2015
  10. bubbles123

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    I'm sorry to hear that:/ It was selfish of him to ask you to do something like that for him and then get mad when you expressed how you felt about it. Maybe he's confused, but he certainly should not have projected that onto you.
    It sucks to lose a friend no matter what the reason is, but you're right: this is probably for the best, even though it's hard. He wasn't a very good friend to you and you should not feel like you're to blame for it.
     
    #10 bubbles123, Oct 28, 2015
  11. resu

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    Even when you cry, you are stronger than him. He still lies to keep up his inflated ego, which is pathetic. If he continues his tricks, he is going to constantly be disappointing everyone around him. That is a sad life to live.

    Keep your chin up! Your honesty will strengthen you through this grief.
     
    #11 resu, Oct 28, 2015
  12. Anthemic

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    Honestly, and I'm going to be blunt about this but, I think he is into guys. I truly think he's too afraid to give into his desires. I just don't see a straight man hounding another man to do those things.
     
    #12 Anthemic, Oct 28, 2015
  13. MWill88

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    Today is a rough day. My emotions got the best of me. I had to leave the office and compose myself. He walks by me like I am a stranger. I thought I had an handle on this. I guess not as of yet.

    The one lesson I am learning from this is be careful who I give my heart to. I should have known better I keep telling myself. You don't handle a snake and expect not to get bitten. This to shall pass.
     
    #13 MWill88, Oct 29, 2015
  14. MWill88

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    After almost of week of not communicating with him, I went to him. I told him I didn't like the way things are. I know this was not the right thing to do; but I couldn't eat nor sleep. I just keep thinking about him all the time.

    Today, I asked him to lunch. He agreed but stood me up. I said to myself "How much more pain you are going to allow yourself to go through?" I am making a complete fool of myself. Calling and texting just so I can communicate with him when he doesn't give a damn about me.

    It's time I heed the advice you folks have given me. I know the pain will pass with time. Just never felt this strong for someone in a long time.
     
    #14 MWill88, Nov 10, 2015
  15. ThatRangerGirl

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    Word of advice--don't dwell on what you did, but on what you still can do. Only by focusing on our present, can we fix our past, and secure our future.
     
    #15 ThatRangerGirl, Nov 10, 2015
  16. Chip

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    Here's something that may hurt a little bit, but hopefully also gives you some insight:

    My very strong suspicion is that at some deep level, you hold out the hope of salvaging the friendship because you don't value yourself enough. You don't fully believe, in your unconscious, that you deserve better than to be treated the way you were.

    Now... there's no easy solution to changing that. But if you can process it in your conscious mind and keep reminding yourself of that... it will eventually sink into your unconscious.

    He... has a whole lot of problems. And from what you describe, he's not worthy of your friendship, and is simply going to keep hurting you. He's probably very mixed up in his own feelings about his own sexuality, and that's not something that's going to be healthy for you to have any connection with. So I do think that ending it, as hard as that is, is the right choice.

    The more you can remind yourself that you deserve healthy friends who will treat you with respect... the easier it will be to start attracting them.
     
    #16 Chip, Nov 13, 2015
  17. Chip

    Chip
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    Here's something that may hurt a little bit, but hopefully also gives you some insight:

    My very strong suspicion is that at some deep level, you hold out the hope of salvaging the friendship because you don't value yourself enough. You don't fully believe, in your unconscious, that you deserve better than to be treated the way you were.

    Now... there's no easy solution to changing that. But if you can process it in your conscious mind and keep reminding yourself of that... it will eventually sink into your unconscious.

    He... has a whole lot of problems. And from what you describe, he's not worthy of your friendship, and is simply going to keep hurting you. He's probably very mixed up in his own feelings about his own sexuality, and that's not something that's going to be healthy for you to have any connection with. So I do think that ending it, as hard as that is, is the right choice.

    The more you can remind yourself that you deserve healthy friends who will treat you with respect... the easier it will be to start attracting them.
     
    #17 Chip, Nov 13, 2015
  18. MWill88

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    Tinuneth and Chip,

    I, sincerely, thank both of you for your advice. I have decided to let him be. I had to admit to myself that I am really in love with this man. I, also, had to admit that this man is not right for me and I am not right for him.

    He does have alot of issues. So do I. Chip, you are correct in writing I do not value myself enough. I have, always, thought of and loved others more than myself. This is why I have fallen for the wrong men. I have a record of loving men that are not right for me. This is certainly the case with this one.

    I do know that I will get over this in time. I don't hate him. Nor am I upset with him. Honestly, I knew what I was dealing with before I engaged in what happened between us. I just wanted him. I wanted him bad knowing all that I know. I am learning my lesson and accepting that I allowed myself to get into this situation. So I am dealing with the consequences.
     
    #18 MWill88, Nov 13, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2015
  19. Nicosa

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    Hey! I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. I can imagine what your going through feels like a constant agony. But I will tell you again IT WILL PASS you just have to hang to your own conviction and start replacing the bad habits (obsess over him, thinking about calling him) with good habits (joggin, do puzzles... whatever works for u). Hang in there!

    Big hugs :slight_smile:
     
    #19 Nicosa, Nov 17, 2015
  20. MWill88

    MWill88
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    I just wanted to thank you folks again who had given me such wonderful advice. I can, honestly, say I am getting over him. We have had small conversations here and there. Normally, I would get really upset because we are not like we were. I'm fine with this now. I don't think about him as much. When I see him, I smile and speak. I don't visit his office as much. At first, I thought I was fooling myself thinking I was getting past him. Then I realized I am not focusing him like I was, and I am very happy about this.

    I, probably, will always care about him; but I need someone to like me the way I like him. I dealing with some deep-rooted issues and preparing myself for a healthy relationship in the future. No more chasing men. No more begging. No more crying over why someone doesn't love me the way I love him. If I am not good enough for someone, then he is not good enough for me. It feels really good to start loving myself.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!
     
    #20 MWill88, Nov 25, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2015
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