I'm in need of some honest advice here. I'm a 25 year old guy that been around the block and such. I'm not a whore but I'm no virgin either. I don't have many friends and the ones I do have I've had for years. Sadly most are online and I see a hand full when we attend the same conventions and such. That aside here is my question. I've had a friend for nearly eight years online. He and I talk daily and are always hanging out. When we chat with others everyone think we're going out or been together for ages. Few years back it got weird when he wanted to have a strictly online relationship. I wanted more and we didn't talk for a while. We started talking again and it seemed rocky at best. I withdrew a lot but slowly we got close once more. I stopped showing him interest and dated others. I asked him for advice and he knows all my secrets and what happened during those relationships. Over the years I tried to get him to meet me at a convention but he always declined for one reason or another. I would have a ride and room ready and even offer to pay his way but he never accepted. After doing this for a few years I just got so drained with getting shot down time and again. In July I was on auto pilot and asked if he wanted to go to this one convention.... HE SAID YES! I ended up finding a room for us and the guy that owned the room chatted with us to make sure we were decent people. He saw the close connection we shared, as does everyone else, and tried to nudge me to ask my friend out. I told him we're just friends and to please drop it. He kept nudging and I told him that it didn't work out before and to leave it alone. He dropped it and I thought it was the end. The next day he was at it again. Angered I asked my friend if he was getting the same treatment and he was as well. After that, I don't know how or what happened but he opened up. This guy, 28, that always kept his feelings are n check explained to me that he wasn't ready to try any form of relationship. He hated distance, he's in Ohio and I Illinois. He also told me he was afraid to go to the conventions since he is an introverted and feels awkward around new people plus he is a bit of a shut in. This guy was also afraid of trying it again with me because of how hurt I got before and he didn't want to do that again to his best friend. He agreed to go and hang out with me but he was going to see a friend not get into a relationship. At the con we spent four days together the entire time. We were just as close real life as we are online. The day before I left I asked him how he felt about me and he said he was feeling it. I then asked if he wanted to go out and he said he thought wae were. It was then we had our first kiss. Did I forget to mention I'm his first boyfriend and will be his first everything since he never did anything before? From July until now things have been okay. I get slightly agitated since he is always gaming and we don't chat as much as before. He does work odd hours and he does get tired. He also admitted he is a bit depressed or in a funk. I'm there and support him fully. He also put effort in talking more and being a little more romantic, he doing that totally on his own. Last weekend I went and visited him in Ohio. I met his folks, he met mine at the convention we went to, and they were lovely. They seemed to like me and are happy their son is getting out and that stuff. When he and I were at the hotel we had a talk, one that I dreaded and usually always happens with me. I'm a very obese guy. I'm 5'2 and about 450 pounds. He was frank and told me he didn't find me attractive physically but emotionally he was fully into. I also admitted that I didn't see him as attractive since he is an extremely hairy guy. Despite that he told me, on his own, that despite this hick up he wants to try and make it work...that he wants us to work. With all this information my question is....should I continue the relationship? After getting to know him I have to say I don't like the guy he is now. He and I don't talk as frequently like before and I feel that is huge, especially in a long distance relationship. He is trying and I'm very happy with it. Another reason I'm afraid of continuing the relationship is I'm afraid of hurting my best friend, even if he wants to stay friends if we don't work out. I admit I've never been faithful in the past and he is aware of this. He also knows that I usually date a few people as back ups. This aside I've been single for five years and I used to be the guy that wanted a man and now I can't say if I'm still that way. After being hurt a lot and with the drama of exes I fell in love with how simple and easy being single is. In closing no I have not cheated yet on him and oddly no I don't feel like doing so. I love him and I want to give him the best firsts as I can. I don't know if I want to change my appearance for a man, even though I've been wanting to but been lazy and he been pushing me to walk whenever we're together, or am I just being a picky queen. He is also looking forward to our next con meeting, that he is quite excited for this time around. I'm so sorry for the winded question but I had to let it all out so you all can know us fully to help with your advice.
In this kind of a scenario it's always best to follow your gut instinct. Clearly you have some alarm bells ringing as he has been honest and told you he doesn't find you attractive, and you say that you don't like the person he is now. You should listen to those warnings. Maybe you have some left over feelings that never got resolved throughout the time you have known each other, and now these feelings are coming up again. Whatever the case may be, it's up to you to do some introspection and ask yourself the questions. If you feel that a relationship with him would be worthwhile despite the possibility that it might not work out, it's up to you to decide what to do with that information. Unfortunately none of us can tell you the answer that's going to make you the happiest because A) no one knows the future and B) you are the most knowledgeable of your situation and thus able to make the best decision for you. I know it's not easy and maybe you feel ambivalent and stuck between judgments, but a necessary part of leading a healthy life is making decisions with a clear mind. Take some time and really think about what you want and whether a relationship with him will give you that.
I think you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. It sounds like you miss being single. How much does the fact that he isn't physically attracted to you and you aren't physically attracted to him mean to you? Would you be willing to work on your weight, not for him, but for your health? I don't think there's anything wrong with encouraging you to be healthier, as long as he's not “mothering” you, would stop if you asked, and is doing it for your benefit and not exclusively for his. Is the lack of talking your only hang-up on the guy he is now? If you decide you want to continue the relationship, then talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling and how you wish that you could chat more than you do. You mentioned that he's trying to do better on his own so it's entirely possible that he could change and things could get better.
