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Could use a little advice on relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Andane, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. Andane

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    So I guess to start off, I've been dating this guy for a few months now, and I mean I do like him, he's a nice guy. However, to be completely honest, I just don't really have much in the way of romantic feelings for him. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, he's really sweet and kind, and I care about him, but I just don't think I want a continue a romantic relationship with him, if that makes any sense. Those kinds of feelings just aren't there for me, and I feel like I'd be much happier with a platonic relationship, because I do still enjoy his company and would like to still be friends with him.

    And I feel really bad, because this is something that's been at the back of my mind for awhile now, and I just kind of pushed it to the side, and tried to convince myself that I have feelings for him that I just don't have. It was easy to maintain the status quo because I still liked hanging out with him, and things weren't super serious yet. I always just figured things would get sorted out down the road, and run their course I guess. I really wish I had just said something sooner though, because now I really don't know what to do.

    Recently he's started saying that he's fallen in love with me, and that I'm the best thing that's happened to him, things like that. Now, I'm his first ever boyfriend, and I know you always fall hard for your first, and I know if/when that doesn't work out, it hits hard. And he's a really sweet guy, and I really don't want to hurt him. He also deals with bouts of pretty bad depression, and there are times he's told me that I'm "what keeps him going," especially since things were going bad for him lately, and just recently started getting better. And he's told me how I'm the only guy who's ever treated him so nicely, and things like that, and I just feel worse and worse for considering leaving him.

    I know that there's no easy answer, but I just wish there was a way that no one would get hurt.

    And, just to make things even more confusing, and make me feel even more like a terrible person, there's a guy I met recently, completely innocuously, but long story short, I think I've started developing feelings for him. Nothing super major, but I just feel terrible because I tried putting all this effort into kindling romantic feelings with my boyfriend just to end up finding myself falling for another guy.

    I'm sure I sound like a bad person, and I feel bad, but I don't know what to do or make of things, I just know what I feel. And even that's confusing. And I just feel like I have to figure something out quick, before things just get worse!
     
  2. resu

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    You are not a bad person. Perhaps you can frame it as you needing to take a break from dating. Yes, he might have fallen hard, but it does seem like he's in love with an idea rather than reality. The separation may help both of you reevaluate things, and it would give you a chance later to come together and decide what you want. Obviously, if you want to pursue the other guy, you should be more direct about breaking up.