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Is it ever good to hide a relationship?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by tommycee, Oct 10, 2015.

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  1. tommycee

    tommycee
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    Is it good to hide a relationship, no matter what the circumstances are? Gay, straight, interracial, non religious, etc. Is it good to hide someone from the people you care about?
     
    #1 tommycee, Oct 10, 2015
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    I don't think there are absolutes in most situations. So to say absolutely, positively, it's good or bad probably isn't helpful here.

    That said, there are few circumstances where hiding a relationship is healthy, or good, either for yourself or for the people who care about you. If a person is closeted, then it can take time to become comfortable with the idea of being open, particularly with those closest to you, for fear of being judged. I do think that it's important, for those who are closeted, to work toward being able to be open, because it is not fair (nor healthy) to one's partner to ask them to live a life filled with secrecy.
     
    #2 Chip, Oct 10, 2015
  3. crazydiamond

    crazydiamond
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    I don't think that it's necessarily healthy to keep secrets period. It means you have something to be ashamed of. When I first started dating a woman, no one knew I was gay. But I was confused at the time and I didn't want to tell everyone until I had it figured out. Right from the get-go I told her that I wasn't out and that we'd have to keep it a secret for a little while. She was fine with it because she knows what it's like. Sure, she got frustrated with it. But it wasn't her that eventually forced me to come out. That was my sister's doing. I'm glad I did it though Because now I don't have to hide. What's important is to be honest with the person you're with. If they're not comfortable with harbouring a secret relationship and you're not ready to come out, then you're kind of at a standstill. But you have to do it when you're ready, and you must be upfront with your partner.
     
    #3 crazydiamond, Oct 10, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
  4. Distant Echo

    Distant Echo
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    Yes. I've done it. I had very good reasons and it was necessary. The alternative was me not being able to be in a relationship at all.

    ---------- Post added 11th Oct 2015 at 05:56 PM ----------

    And doing so does not mean you have something you are ashamed of.

    I have kids. I would never introduce them to someone i have just met. Nor would I necessarily tell them immediately that I had met someone.
    Sometimes there is stuff going on in your life that you are not ready for the person you are seeing to know about yet. If the relationship is strong, you tell them later. But not straight away. And introducing them to friends/relationships would mean they would know. Sometimes it is dangerous for others to know you are seeing someone. A violent ex for instance (yes I have been there)

    Yes, it is ok to hide a relationship. I hid three. It was the right decision and I don't regret it.
     
    #4 Distant Echo, Oct 10, 2015
  5. Van

    Van
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    If I had to hide a relationship, I'd rather not start one in the first place. :thumbsup:
     
    #5 Van, Oct 11, 2015
  6. Distant Echo

    Distant Echo
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    That works for you. I'm glad for you. Not everyone is able to live with that kind of freedom
     
    #6 Distant Echo, Oct 11, 2015
  7. OGS

    OGS
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    Again, there are probably reasons, but I would never do it. I think secrets eat away at people and I wouldn't want to do that to myself and I certainly wouldn't want to do that to someone I really care about.
     
    #7 OGS, Oct 11, 2015
  8. Aspen

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    I've been hiding my relationship for almost two years and I wouldn't call it good. My girlfriend has never really been closeted so it bothers her sometimes but she understands it's necessary for now. Most of my family is homophobic. I'm still living with and financially dependent on my mom. She's probably the worst, going so far as to jokingly make physical threats against me if I'm gay.

    Maybe I shouldn't have gotten into a relationship while in this situation. But I don't regret a damn thing.
     
    #8 Aspen, Oct 11, 2015
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