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Can't Hide my sexuality and Some 1 has a crush on me :o

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Spirits, Oct 11, 2015.

  1. Spirits

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    In an arabian country
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Sooo,
    After I finally got to accept my sexuality and be myself all over again^^
    I started to make friends in bulks xD
    Idk, people just love talking with me :love:
    Anyway, unlike the rest of my original classmates I fit in really well in this class as my new classmates became really honest with me : some came out to me for being Bi/lesbian (all females unfortunately :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) and some came out to me for being atheists.

    And that's when I became even more comfortable about myself, and started to act spontaneously most of the time lol.
    And that's what pushed some of the girls into asking me if I'm actually straight or not.

    Now , Being the old me I would deny being gay and try to convince everyone else that I'm straight, but I just couldn't do it anymore.
    I've been asked this question twice , and I said that I'm gay , without hesitation! and that's freaking me out ;o
    Cos I'm afraid that if I remain this way the news will spread all over the Highschool with out me noticing it.
    In fact, last week one of the girls that I came out to told me that a gay friend of hers has a crush on me and he's interested into meeting me.
    I know that this sounds like good news, but it's not . Even though I did feel so flattered:icon_redf I rejected his requested and asked this girl how did he know that I'm gay , and she said that some "other guy" (whom I don't talk much to) told him so.
    That P*ssed me off..Cos , I didn't even tell him that I'm gay and he did not only assume such thing by himself but also shared his assumption with some stranger...
    Anyway, the next day I talked to this guy and I warned him to keep his mouth shut.
    There , problem solved!
    Or , at least I thought it was..
    My emotions went into playing tricks on me , I kept thinking about my love life and weather I should have at least gave this guy a shot or not (he's cute , but he's not my type)
    Still..being the overly emotional and sensitive me , some of my classmates noticed that something was wrong with me. In fact, one of my old classmates , who also happens to be my neighbor assumed that I'm in love xD And asked me (who/how/ and when)
    Idk why! but , I couldn't lie! >.<
    I told her that he's a guy , and that's why I can't even meet him , otherwise I'll be in trouble.

    When I said those words I instantly thought that she would never talk with me again, I freaked out. I told her that if she doesn't want to be around me anymore it's fine , I understand , but just don't tell any one else that I'm gay.
    I think she was trying to be nice and understanding , cos she said "it's normal" even though I could tell that she obviously freaked out.
    That did in fact make me feel better, and I thought that she did actually understand me..
    I was wrong.
    Cos the next day she came at me and asked me , "Why did you choose to be gay?"
    Choose?!!
    Seriously?!
    That question irritated me , but I tried to remain calm and explained to her "Some men are born gay".."you don't get to choose who you want to be attracted to , it's out of my hands"
    She didn't believe me...
    So I went further and explained to her the "science of homosexuality" , And that's when she said "ok , I believe you"
    BUT LOL she didn't , cos few seconds later she said "But you can change, you can forget about men and be normal"
    I answered: "it's impossible, most of those who tried to change their sexuality went through depression and often commit suicide , cos that's how they're born and no matter how hard they try they can't change who they are".

    She still didn't get me... and said "As long as you are not with men right now , and as long as you had the will to deny meeting that guy who has a crush on you , there is hope for you to turn straight".
    I gave up lol! she's hopeless , I just said " very unlikely , you'll see" and ended the conversation.

    Now , I don't really care about her opinion , I just want her to accept me for who I am and quit thinking that I can turn straight someday.
    We still talk and hang out together, so I think she did get over it; but I can't really tell if that's true , I just try not to open that conversation with her again.

    Also , I do have some LGBT friends now, but my straight "friends" don't really like them...
    The straight ones don't know that I'm gay.
    Now i'm in a huge mess , as I want to hang out wit both of the groups but the old ones can't stand the LGBT ones and IDk what to do.
    LOL I quit giving effs already , I just hang and talk with who ever I want to. But the real problem is that , sometimes they literally fight over me as each group wants me to be with them and if I choose one over an other they will get mad and OMG it's a huge mess!
    What to do , what to do..:bang:

    ALSO! 2 weeks ago only my 2 BFFs knew that I'm gay, today a total of 7 people know lol
    probably 9?
    I'm afraid that I can't control myself and by the end of the year almost every one will know that I'm gay xD
    what should I do?
    help :3
    I'm both extremely happy and worried.

    *listens to Taylor swift*
     
  2. Phioo

    Phioo Guest

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    *ahem* Do you think the straight ones would stop being your friends if they find out about your sexuality?
     
    #2 Phioo, Oct 11, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2015
  3. Spirits

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    In an arabian country
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Totally,
    Cos they always make fun and show their disgust of anything that is related to LGBT whenever they encounter it.

    But this doesn't mean that I'm not planning on telling them someday.
    Actually , I just wish if they simply ask me , that will make it alot easier.
     
    #3 Spirits, Oct 11, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2015
  4. Phioo

    Phioo Guest

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    Mmm... I got one more question.
    How close are you with them?
     
  5. Distant Echo

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    Is there one person that starts the "making fun and showing disgust"? If it's one person or a couple who always start it...they could be in denial...
     
  6. Manitoban

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    I hate to say it but you say it but as I understand no nation in the Arabian peninsula is approving of gay males(and bi guys). I also understand that they are far more relaxed around lesbians(and bi women as a result) actually as I understand the penalties can be quite sever.

    So I just want to say be careful. Dont deny your true self but be very careful who you tell.
     
    #6 Manitoban, Oct 11, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2015
  7. Spirits

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    In an arabian country
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Very,
    But I try not to hang out with them as much as they want me to, cos I don't want to feel stabbed in the back if someday one of them decides to not be friends with me anymore.
    Exactly,
    I am indeed trying to be careful.
    I think that I can't prevent myself from coming out until I finally come out to a "male friend" and see if he could still see me for who I am and not for who I fall in love with.
    Btw , the straight girl whom I mentioned that I came out to on the first post tried to convince me that homosexuality is a sin earlier this morning xD.
    I did tell her however that in my perspective it's not , and that it's ok if she thinks that it's a sin and let's just not mention this topic again. But she refused to understand and kept talking about how it doesn't make sense for me to be gay and religious at the same time and how it shouldn't happen...
    :bang:
    Like please..These are my own religious view..Please don't try to interfere.
    And now she thinks that I'm "full of contradictions" -as she said-