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homophobic parents

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by heyKittie, Oct 11, 2015.

  1. heyKittie

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    So I was sure I was bisexual for a few weeks, but now I don't know anymore. I have lost basically all interest in boys, so I don't know if I'm a lesbian or just mostly attaracted to girls or what. But my parents and church aren't helping.

    I told my mom that I didn't want to go to church anymore and that I wanted to study the bible on my own at home. I was being very reasonable and had a good argument, but she is still making me go. I sat outside in the cold this morning because I refused to go to youth group. And surprise! The subject they were preaching about in the service was "The Truth About Homosexuality". Of course the pastor was saying how the bible says its wrong, so I waited by my car until church was over. And they're preaching more about it next week.

    My family and I just went out for ice cream, and on the way back home my parents startred saying how they loved the sermon,how clear the bible was on that subject, and wanted to go back next week. I'm not letting them drag me back there just to hear myself be shut down and told I'm sinful and "abnormal". My parents really aren't being reasonable though, and they don't know what church is doing to me emotionally. I wanted to study the bible on my own and get this book about what the bible says about homosexuality, but my parents won't let me study it at home. My mom said i cant stop going to church until im 18! They are really frustrating me and making me feel worse. I cant wait to go to the therapist on Friday, I'm getting more depressed again. :tears::bang:

    I guess I just want to share what's going on and ask for advice. Thank you to anyone who does share any advice.
     
  2. crystalgem

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    heyy I'm lesbian and study the Bible on my own. Man I totally relate though. Idk first of all I really want to say that the Bible does NOT clearly say that it's a sin or that it's condemned or any of that...i learned that when I started studying the Bible on my own (in other words God made us however he made us intentionally and He loves us) anyway...it's really hard but i've come to think that maybe it's better to wait it out. like I'm prob not coming out to my parents until my wedding, and I'm not going to church untill I move out and can find an accepting church on my own. super hard, but I have hope :slight_smile: Speaking of therapists, my mental health rep is coming to talk to me at school on tues, and I was thinking about telling her how having homophobic parents makes things really hard for me...idk thought that was a coincidence. maybe we could be friends and support each other through this..hope this helped a little though!!
     
  3. heyKittie

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    Thank you, I would love to be friends. :slight_smile: I think we can relate. And yeah, I think I'm just going to refuse to go to Church for now, iDk Thx for the advice
     
  4. resu

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    I am really sorry about your parents, and all I can suggest is trying to be persistent about not going, but also remember that whatever is said in that church is coming from ignorance and bigotry.
     
  5. loveislove01

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    I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I can sympathize.

    I had this sunday-school thing for Hindus, and I absolutely hated it. There were no direct references to homosexuality, but their bias was extremely irritating. And EVERYTHING was a sin. What bothered me most, though, was how blindly the other kids followed everything the teacher said. I often came home crying that religion wasn't supposed to be like this. Eventually I stopped believing, but this was due to other things. They were super hypocritical.

    "You should treat everything equally and with respect. (Lecture on implicit bias) But OF COURSE, Hinduism is the only correct religion to follow."

    It's so frustrating, isn't it? I'm pretty sure if there was a god he wouldn't care if you were gay, bi, trans, or had sex with 1 or 100 people. Religion is supposed to be having faith, which gives us hope, love, and other happy emotions. It's about loving thy neighbor, but people seem to cherry-pick verses to defend their bias and ignore the number one thing religion is supposed to do.

    In my class, there was one conversation on gay people and it wasn't positive. The lessons were "sins of actions" and though it isn't written anywhere in the scriptures, the teacher used us as examples.
    Eventually, it ended because I resisted for 3 years and they took me out because I came back constantly depressed.

    You're doing nothing wrong by being who you are, though you seem to know that.

    I don't know what will help, honestly, it's not an easy situation. You could keep being as persistent as you are, I guess. And coming out, from what you've said, isn't really an option?
     
  6. heyKittie

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    No, I don't think I can come out to my parents for a while. But I feel similarly about religion. Its about love they neighbor no matter who or what they are. Yet religious people sometimes hate on people like homksexuals. It just diesnt make sense.
     
  7. bubbles123

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    I'm sorry your parents are like that:frowning2:

    You have every right to research your own religion and come to your own conclusion about what the truth of it all is, instead of the truth your parents want to believe out of ignorance. There are multiple sides to every story, including the Bible.
    Since you can't get the book, I don't know if you've seen it but there's this video all about homosexuality in the Bible. It looks at the historical context of it and the translations and everything, it's really a great video that helped me a lot with all this. I actually first came across it on EC.
    It's a long video, but I highly recommend watching the whole thing because I think it could help you - and maybe even your family - a lot:
    [YOUTUBE]ezQjNJUSraY[/YOUTUBE]

    Best wishes<3
     
  8. BobObob

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    HeyKittie, having been in a similar situation in the past, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Situations like yours, as well as how religion has affected me, are why I now consider most religion to be quite harmful.

    If it's safe for you to be confrontational with them about what the Bible teaches, you could remind them of the many other teachings of the Bible that are are least as Biblical as homophobia. You could remind them that the same book that calls homosexuality an "abomination" also calls shellfish an "abomination".

    You could also remind them of all the immoral things sanctioned by Yahweh in the Bible. For this, I'd recommend watching nonstampcollector's videos on youtube. Although it isn't about Biblical morality specifically, this following video is my favorite, and IMHO most damning, video on the Bible:

    [YOUTUBE]RB3g6mXLEKk[/YOUTUBE]
     
    #8 BobObob, Oct 12, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2015
  9. Zen fix

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    heyKittie, sorry you're having a rough time there. I also started hating church around your age but didn't have the gumption to admit being queer. Good for you that you are figuring this stuff out now. Do you have to go to their church or can you compromise and get them to let you go to a more progressive church like Pentacostal or something?