So I have a really close friend that I am in love with but there is an age gap. I love him so much and have told him that. He has also told me the same. We go on vacations together and call each other just about every day. So on our vacation he ends up hooking up with this other guy and I am devastated. We don't have a sexual relationship but I wish we did. I am so sad right now I don't even want to be alive.
Wait, so you guys have confessed to each other but he ended up hooking up with another guy? ..that sounds terrible. Mind giving us some details?
Yeah there is a big age difference but we are the best of friends. I know everyone will say to just cut my losses. My heart is broken and I feel like giving up. I have come this far in my life alone. It is tough wanting something you can't have.
How old are you and he? I don't think you should be trusting someone who says he loves you and then hooks up with someone else.
So I had a talk with him about my desires to have a sexual relationship with him and he really does not want too. I totally understand but at the same time I am so depressed about it. I am still totally in love with him and I still want to remain the best of friends. Love knows no age in my mind, I never had any intention of falling in love with him it just happened? I think the fact that he was the first one I came out to had something to do with it. My problem is I have lived in the closet my whole life and my youth is gone. With only minimal sexual experience I feel like I will live my life alone. I feel that I want to love him and no one else which I know is wrong. I know what it is to give love, I only wish I knew what it feels like to receive love.
It might be a good idea to take a break from contacting/seeing him because that seems to be pouring salt into your wounds. Have you come out to more people besides him? That would help you become more comfortable, and it would take off your blinders to notice all the other men you could potentially date. You don't have to live alone, and there are always people at every stage in life who started coming out with little experience.