Hi there, I need some URGENT help and I'm very desperate. I have an ex girlfriend who I was with for 3 years. She is my first serious relationship with a female. I was 17 years old when I met her and was totally in love with her. I just broke up with my neighborhood love boyfriend who I was with for 3 years. When we met I really fell in love with her and was always with her. She was 20/21. After a few months I realize I as pregnant by my ex boyfriend.. he never wanted a baby so I decided I was going to raise the baby with my girlfriend. Again after a few month I start getting issues with the baby's father, he wanted to be in the picture.. his parent my parents.. I end up being with him with my girlfriend on the side line. She accepted it and was there for me in every way possible. Even though I was hurting her and did not even realise it back then. Time passed and I broke up with the baby's father and went back to her, because I never really could leave her. She was so good for me, I wanted to be with her forever. Even if that meant that my kids would grow up with 2 mother.. Everything went back to normal until i realised I was pregnant with the 2nd baby, exactly the day my firstborn turned 1. I was desperate, 19 by that time.. it was so difficult.. we went together to the abortion clinic. I couldn't do it. .I start crying and hesitating.. She was right there with me supporting me and telling what ever I do she is with me. So we kept the baby.. she was the whole pregnancy with me, she was even there when I gave birth. She did everything a woman could wish for... Everything. By that time we where a family, our own place , she had a job I wanted to start studying. But then I start doubting again.. is this what I want for the kids ? Is this the right thing ? Should I try to be with the kids father again... I started neglect her.. every time more. I had a lot of pressure I was 19 and mother of two kids.. and I did make the biggest mistake of my life. I left her, i didn't appreciate nothing what she did. I hurted her in so many ways from the beginning till the end. I broke her into a million pieces. After that, my life only went backwards.. we still saw each other had sex with each other but both living totally diffident lifestyle. I tried so many times with the kids father to be a family. It just didn't work. I've tried dating both males and females but I realise that I don't like being around males. I don't mind the sex but that is just it.. nothing more or less. I'm just not attracted to male relationships. And now years later.. when I think of happiness I think of her, when I think of marriage I think of her.. when I think about happy memories I think of her. If I think about my future, it's a future with her. We stil have contact, she is a changed person. Not that good hearted stud anymore. She doesn't really care about nothing and turned into a selfish person. She thinks like that she won't be hurt anymore. And the worst part is I made her like this. It breaks my heart, I really breaks my heart that I was capable to break her like that. That it's all my fault. I humiliated her. For the last year I've been realising what I've really done.I've come to accept the fact that I need to pay for what I've done. I don't care how.. because I know I deserve it. But not by losing her forever. I know she still loves me and I still love her.. I would do anything but anything to get her back. To repair any damage that still can be repaired. I want to give her the world.. everything.. the kids she raised when they where born and that I toke from her.. I want to let her be with them. . The wife she always wanted. I've been working on my self.. very very hard. I was always a hard cold person.. but I made myself softer , for myself my kids for other people and for her. At this moment I would consider myself as a humble, lovely, helpful person. I have a very good heart.. the only thing is I made very bad decisions in the past when I was younger. I'm now 24 and a proud stable mother trying to make something out of life. My reason for this long story is, PLEASE people.. HOW CAN I GET HER BACK !? I know I'm gonna give her what she need.. i will accept in anyway.. we where very happy and a good couple when we didn't had a lot of issues and drama. I want her, I need her. Now I'm mature and wisely enough to do things right. I never did anything on purpose to her. Everything just went the way it went. Can someone please help me out.. she knows how I feel at the moment... and she is not sure to trust me again. She build a big wall around herself and her heart and she won't let me in. I'm just standing out there banging on the walls desperately. I know there is a way I just don't know which way. We speak almost daily but as friends. She said she forgived me.. but I know she didn't. I want to show her that everything I do and say is from the bottom of my heart. I will do anything to prove. Anything for her, to get her back. I don't feel that I can settle down with anybody but her. She knows me inside out.. she got my back just how I got hers. We are not enemies. But I don't want to be friends. I want to be her wife. Forever. The one who makes her happy and let her forget all the damage I've done. Does anyone have any advise or so ? Whatever, just tell me. Ps. English is not my first language so I bet I have many bad grammar in the story.
I think the key here is TIME. You've hurt her incredibly and you'll both need time if you want to have the chance to rebuild something healthy together. There is no guarantee of it working though as she's probably very hurt and while she may well love you, there is time where love simply isn't enough. You seem committed to want something long-term with her though, so be patient, perseverant and honest. Don't give up, but don't push her too hard, you've messed it up and she is apparently still very resentful ( I would be too) so give her proper time to heal, accept that she may be mean to you in the mean time but stand by her. Show her what she means to you because words are very frail in comparison to action. Show her relentlessly how much you care for and want her back and hopefully she'll warm up to you and will be open to the idea of trying again. To be honest this is probably going to be a very slow and very long process with no guarantees but if she is worth it, you may make it happen. We all make mistakes and I hope yours are forgiveable to her, Good luck !
In all honesty, I´m surprised she even talks to you. She must really love you to do so. The fact that she loves you though does not mean that she is willing to put herself through another potentially hurtful experience with you. You should start accepting that perhaps the situation is too fucked up and perhaps you should be happy with her friendship alone. That said, there IS a possibility that you can amend things and I would encourage you to try to win her back (if and only if you are serious about her, that is). Notice that this is not something that will happen within a few weeks or a few months. It will take A LOT of time (if ever) to persuade her that you are to be trusted. Try to be her best friend again. Take care of her, listen to her, pamper her. Put her first and make her feel loved. Genuinely loved. And don´t be afraid to openly discuss with her about that time and what happened (perhaps not right away, but eventually). Tell her what´s on your mind, what are your thoughts and ask her what she is thinking, too. Finally, do prepare yourself for a rejection. And try to still be her friend if she does not want to be your lover again. I wish both of you all the best. Be happy together and get over the past. (come back here to tell us how it goes from time to time)
HI Linning and Idsm, I want 2 thank you guys for the reply''s. I understand every word you guys are saying. And I'm definitely willing to keep you guys up 2 date. Yesterday I decided to write her a very long letter. Writing with only the truth and real feelings. I've asked her to forgive me and i told her sorry for every single thing I did wrong to her, in details. I've told her what I really want and wish and how i feel..How much I love her, how much regrets I have.. but then I decided that sending the letter would take to long.. so I over typed it and emailed it to her.. She responded me.. she told me that she did forgive me, she feels that way. And that I will always be her first and only big love.. she wants to be friends with me but about a relationship she can't say anything yet. She told me that she would never say never to me. For us to be together she said she cant say no or yes at the moment. She asked me to give her time and not limited. She said things needs to go naturally. Because maybe Ill find someone new or she will.. so just give her time and we will see. She said as well that the letter I sended her is very beautiful and deep. And that I don't know what I just did by sending it to her .. she doesn't mind me sending it to her because it's how I feel and she can appreciate that.. but it's a powerful letter to her. My first reaction was crying.. her heart is made of gold. I know I did not win this battle yet, but if you would know her you would know that I hit her right in her heart and I'm happy it did because every word I wrote is true. I'm 100% that I will make her happy if I get the chance to do so. I don't know where she found power enough to forgive.. but I know that it will be worth it. I will take all of your advice. And if do get her back just know that it is as well because of your advice that I did. Thank you a lot. Ps. If I get the chance to translate the letter into English I will post it for you guys.
You can see her reluctance right away. The fear that you´ll meet someone new and leave her again.. The fact that she didn´t right away rejected you, though, is very encouraging. Please don´t let her down again. There´s only so much a person can take..
(for some reason I couldn´t edit my previous post) I was too eager to reply about her response and forgot to thank you for your kind words. I am by no means a relationship expert (far from that as I am embarrassingly inexperienced) and I should probably be taking lessons from most people her on EC (out barely to myself). So, if anything I said was even remotely helpful, that makes me incredibly happy!
Yes, I know that even if she wanted to take me back she first is going the fight that idea. But I assured her that I really don't want anyone else so when she is ready I'll be right here waiting for her. Im totally not pushing her, because if she decide to be with me it need to be without any pressure.. I want everything to be real and true and i know it will so I give her the time she wants.. I guess I don't really have a choice after all I have done. And patience is not one of my best qualitys. But I know for what I'm doing it. And just like I said.. I waited so long before approaching her because I wanted to be a 100% sure that I won't break her heart again... and It I know it won't happen again.. I'm not going to let it happend. I'm very happy as well that she didn't turn me away, she even said I'm not trying to turn you away but I just can't say yes or no atm. We chatted today and I can see there is a slight different when we talked then before I sended the letter to her. Before I was always scared to talk to her or to make her mad or something. Scared to make the wrong move.. she just changed a lot, she looks more like me now the harsh one and I'm kinda like her a softie or sum. Even if we get together there would be a lot of work that needs to be done, she still needs to learn how to let her guard down. I guess that comes when she fully trust me again. And I'm just going wait until that happends. And you are welcome ! You don't have to be expert to give advise as long as you are honest and really want to help someone you can give the right advise ! Sometimes the advise doesn't for you but for someone else it will ! Just hope for the for me xxxxxx
First thank you for the kind words, it's much appreciated and I really hope you'll get this girl back since everyone deserve a second chance ( don't screw it up though, hey ! ) I personally think you've taken the right approach and that now all there is to do is wait and see and go with the flow. Hopefully time will work in your favour and she'll warm up to the idea of a future with you. Good luck and keep us updated !
Hello there, I just wanted to give you guys an update ! Finally we have decided to give each other a new and fresh start! We are getting back together but one step at the time. I'm very happy and I can't believe she is forming a part of me and my daily life again.. We are pretty sure that this time we have more chance for our relationship to succeed.. It feel's like we haven't been apart from eachother for five freaking years. Which obviously doesn't matter because we are going to make a lot more then 5 together !!
That´s awesome news! :eusa_clap It did take sometime but eventually it worked, didn´t it? How´s your relationship now? Is she more open to you? How does she feel? (Does she even know you posted your -and her- story here? :lol I´m glad you got another chance. I wish the two of you all the best. PS. You never got to translate that letter you sent her, though, and I am a sucker for such stories.
It's the best news ever ! I'm normally very impatient but this time I knew patients and time would be the key ( thanks to you guys as well ). Our relationship is amazing ! she is very open and she really wants to give us a chance together. ( next week ik going to visit her ) we really see a future together. It's like we kinda never broke up ? I'm so happy, and I just told her about this post ( and about you guys ) ! About an hour ago ! And she asked me for the link so when I came to copy it I saw your Reply.. so funny Thank you very much, really.. PS. I forgot about that !! I will see how I can translate it asap.. it's such a long letter.. is there a way you can send me your email privately?
I am afraid contact information sharing is against EC´s rules. Until we both become Full Members, there is no way for me to do so. If you are uncomfortable sharing the content of your letter, I surely understand. It´s a very personal thing and it´s ok to not want to post it in public.
