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I'm in love with my best friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by esperare, Oct 15, 2015.

  1. esperare

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    Hello,I am new in this forum and I registered here for some advice. I know many people posted stories like these but I think mine is little different. First of all, I must say that I live in homophobic country, where almost all gays hide their sexuality, just like me. I am 17 and I am going to finish school this year. 2 years ago, I found that I was in love with my classmate and best friend. Who, just like rest of population of my country, was homophobic. Still he was always hugging me and did stuff that other guys do not usually do. I thought that he was just a crush because he was first guy to do things like it and that I would not think about him that way in future.I decided to forget him and decided it would be best to find some gay guys.This year I downloaded dating app and meet a guy who is also 17 and sweet. But still I just like him and don't love him as much as I love my classmate. It's worth considering that my classmates views towards homosexuals has changed in the past year. He was not that homophobic.This summer some my classmates and I were traveling across country. When my best friend saw me I was texting someone all the time he asked me who I was texting with. I did not tell him anything. After that day he constantly asked me same question. Once he saw the name but message just said "how are you?" and I told him he was my friend from swimming team and plus my other classmates had met him and they said some stories about my "bf." (they know that he is good friend of mine) He is smart, after we returned in my city only my "crush" and I went to the bar. He told me that he knew who I was dating with. I was shocked at first and when he saw my face, he asked me what was bad about it. He even has not changed towards me. He is still sweet guy who cares about me. I did not let him to read my messages, but we went to his village once and he took my phone (he had seen the password) and locked the door of the room and read everything.:eusa_doh:
    Sometimes I tell myself that I do not love him and it helps but then he hugs me and do weird stuff and I return to an old condition :bang: . We are always together,we spent all summer together. Day is incomplete if I do not see him. Sometimes he even kisses me on cheek. But he likes girls. He sometimes goes to prostitutes, just like rest of boys, for having fun. He also jokes about me. For example once my classmates invited me to go with them for having some fun with prostitutes :lol: . And he said to me in funny voice won't you. I think he likes one girl but do not tell me. When I asked him about her he refused that he likes or loves her but he is texting with her all the time.(She is our old classmate) Because all of these things I am not as sweet towards him as he is. I don't hug him like I used to. Once, after I had not seen him for 5 days, he asked me if I missed him and I lied and said I did not. :eusa_liar: I remember we were alone in front of metro station,he was going back to his home,he hugged me unexpectedly (He was little drunk.) The thing is, I do not want to risk our friendship, I will never find friend who loves and supports me just like he does. I think he must know that I love him.So I really do not know what to do.
    Sorry for my English and I am waiting to your advice.
     
  2. Superconffused

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    Ok so you have two options in my eyes. 1. You tell him that all the love he shows you throws you off and you want your friendship to last but just as friends. That is hard because you love him and dropping those feeling will be hard but it is possible. That way you have your boyfriend and your best friend. 2. You tell him that you love him, if you think he might reciprocate the same feelings, and see where it goes from their. Th thing with this is your friendship could be affected by telling him. Maybe negatively maybe positively but that is the risk you run. If it were me and I'm kinda in the same spot as you I would focus on the relationship you are currently in and try to fall out of love with him. You don't risk losing him as a friend and you still have someone who is invested in you and does love you back!

    Like I always say best of luck!
     
  3. esperare

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    Tnx for reply but I think I will not be in current relationship forever. Also I would regret all life that I did not tell my "crush" about my feelings also I would regret if I tell him and our friendship ends
     
    #3 esperare, Oct 16, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2015
  4. johndrez09

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    Did you even suspect that he might be bisexual? You told us that he likes one girl in your class. But it doesn't mean that he's straight. I know many guys who've had girlfriends before and at the same time attracted to guys. Who knows? He might also secretly like you.
     
  5. esperare

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    I think about it too. Today I woke up and decided to stop this flirting game and not directly but "indirectly" tell him everything when I will see him. :rolle:

    ---------- Post added 18th Oct 2015 at 04:06 AM ----------

    Plus one night in summer when we were in village with our classmates I was tired and slept early in bed which was for just one person. He was out and when he came back, he laid next to me hugging. (As usual we slept together on another bed which was for 2 person but in that night my other classmates were playing cards in that room)
    Also it was not first time when we were hugging,cuddling and sleeping together.
    The thing is he also slept that way with my ex-classmate.
     
    #5 esperare, Oct 18, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2015
  6. johndrez09

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    Alright. I know it's very confusing. Do you have a plan telling your feelings for your best friend?
     
  7. esperare

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    If I make some plans I will not dare to tell him anything. So I plan not to plan anything.
     
  8. esperare

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    Tomorrow is his birthday and I have not even chose present :frowning2:
     
  9. esperare

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    Some update:He messaged me "I love you" when I said happy birthday to him. But it is very normal here to say that to your friend. :frowning2:
     
    #9 esperare, Oct 20, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2015
  10. Distant Echo

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    So message him that back...