1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So..argh!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Distant Echo, Oct 15, 2015.

  1. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    Been trying to work so many things and as someone who has always been fiercely monogamous I've been wrestling with what is going through my head.
    I've met an amazing woman (let's call her J) and I want to be with her. But I have a male partner.
    I'm finding I can't stand the thought of him touching me. When we are out, we are generally fine, but even cuddles are a strain, kissing has all but disappeared, and I am avoiding any intimate contact with him...
    But if J were to turn out not to be straight and there was a chance of more between us I know I would in an instant. The few times I have been intimate with my partner recently, it feels so wrong. I just try and get it over and done with. I don't want him touching me at all.

    I'm sitting here, trying to work this all out, and a conversation between my partner and my son yesterday has been weighing on my mind. It was about a guy who is constantly cheating on his wife. I felt really uncomfortable with the conversation, with where my head has been, that I want to be with J.

    But then I realised. In my mind, I am with her. I'm biding time until I can get out of this relationship. Even though she is probably straight (I hope to hell she is not) I feel like I'm cheating on her if my partner and I have intimate contact. Of any kind at all. There is probably no chance of a relationship with her, but my mind, my heart, tells me I am with her.

    So am I stressing out because I am monogamous? To her?

    Help?
     
  2. Aspen

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,470
    Likes Received:
    239
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like you're stressing out because you aren't into your partner. Your feelings for J are only amplifying that what you have isn't what you want.

    I don't think the situation you are in is sustainable. You may need to start having serious conversations with your partner about where things are going. That means conversations with yourself, even if you need to take some time and space to allow for them. Try to take things slow with J, casually mentioning LGBT topics might be a good place to start. Get a feel for how she reacts and how open she is.
     
  3. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    I'm very aware it's not sustainable. Getting time away is high on my list of priorities, and I'm hoping to do that soon. And I'm giving myself until after xmas to have some idea of what im doing to stop myself screwing everything up. I wont do anything about my partner until after that. That's the plan, anyway. My head is all over the place and this isnt what im usually like.

    And yes, I'm taking it slowly with J. Working on those topics. She knows I'm going to an event at the end of the month, but I've told her I'm going as a support person. It was a way of introducing the subject.
    I'm just trying to understand why I'm acting the way I am.
     
    #3 Distant Echo, Oct 15, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2015