Making sense of the practicalities of my bisexuality

Hi All,

I'm new here and looking for some advice/personal experiences from other bisexual folk because I know lots of fluid people but few who actively have/do date/have relationships with both genders.

Background:

I'm a bisexual woman in my early 30s. I 'came out'/realised my same-sex attraction about 1.5 years ago. Up until that point, I pretty strongly identified as straight. I don't think this means I was habouring any latent gay/bi feelings; I come from a very liberal family and enviornment so I don't think it is something I was denying within myself. I'd had the odd attraction to women when I was younger, but otherwise was only interested in men. It wasn't until I randomly met and consequently fell head over heels for a girl that I knew I liked women. She moved overseas and so our short 'relationship' came to an end. We are still in contact.

It could have just been her; i.e; I could still have been straight but fell for this particular person, but I have had experiences (though somewhat limited) with women since, and I definitely know I enjoy them. So there is no confusion there. I'm also still attracted men. IOW, I am confident that I am queer. I choose to say bi when asked directly, but that is a political statement, if anything.

I'm currently in an exclusive relationship with a wonderful woman who is kind and lovely and who is a great match for me in many ways. It's not been quite three months yet, but things have moved relatively quickly. I say relatively because I'm not used to being at the emotional place that I seem to be at with her at this stage when I'm with men. We haven't said 'I love you', but I guess the emotional intimacy is close. We're both pretty switched on people and very respectful of each other, and so we've talked a lot of this stuff out, checked-in with each other along the way, etc.

My issue is not to do with her, (I don't think) but a personal one. That is, the simple fact of my brain catching up to the idea of having a long-term relationship/future with a woman.

Let me be clear, at the end of the day, IDNGAF the gender of the person I choose to be with. It's not about that. It's also not about denying my bisexuality. Pretty much everyone in my life - including co-workers - know and accept my sexuality, though they may have been surprised at first.

The thing is, I've always seen myself ending up with a male life partner with whom I would have children, and this is an idea I'm having trouble shaking while with my current g/f. I'm well aware that lesbians can successfully have and raise children (I know families just like this) and if/when that felt right, I would do so with pride.

However, while sexuality is not a choice, even if my fluidity occurred to me a little later in life, I feel like I do still have a *choice* in terms of who I might choose to date/partner with for the long term.

I hope that doesn't sound douchey to the monosexuals on here; it is just different and therefore I feel hard for non-bisexual people to understand. The LAST thing I want is to be a stereotypical acting or sounding bi person. I am naturally monogamous (though I have no issue with casual affairs if that's the place that I'm at) and while I might be coming to terms with what my sexuality means TO ME, I don't think that necessarily has anything to do with being confused about my actual sexual orientation.

So, I'm at this place where my biological clock is ticking, and while I'm not in a super fast hurry to make babies, nor will I ever just settle with anyone for that sake, I'm also mature enough to try to think intelligently about the decisions I make - for me and for whomever else is in my life - partners and children.

I know this much: the first girl, the one who 'turned me' (oh god her ego would explode to hear that lol), I *thought* I could wife-up in a heartbeat! Luckily, that hadn't the chance to happen, because while she is very attractive in many ways, I know she isn't right for me, at least not now, not where she is at this time in her life. No, no!

But until and unless I do develop stronger feelings of love for the girl I'm currently seeing --it's still early days --, OR for another woman, then I'm left feeling confused about who I pursue: men or women.

I'm used to dating men. I like and am attracted to men. And let's be honest, it's in general terms, far easier to conceive and raise a family in a het relationship. There is also a strong part of me that finds the idea of conceiving a child that shares mine and my partner's genes to be very beautiful and romantic.

So I'm left in this strange place where my sexual orientation does not feel like a choice, nor is it a problem to me, yet I DO still have choice in terms of who I date and/or start a life with.

I imagine for the G&Ls, this sounds like an obvious/dumb/het-privilidged issue to have, but I assure you, it's really not.

Are there any Bis out there who can relate???