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Is it possible to ever get over rejection?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GatoAzul, Oct 20, 2015.

  1. GatoAzul

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    Earlier this year my best friend made a move on me. We'd been friends for a few years and I'd had a crush on her from the very first day we met, but never told her. The past year of our friendship I fell in love with her, but still didn't say anything as I didn't want to lose our friendship. If you ask a stranger out you have nothing to lose, but when it's a friend...the friendship is at risk.

    She had been acting flirty for a while, and I was enjoying that, but still I said nothing. Then one day she goes to kiss me, and I freak out. I've never kissed anyone before and I'm a very socially awkward person. I told her this and she didn't push any further, although I wanted her to. At this point I still wasn't sure about my sexuality either, and she knew that. She said when I feel ready I can tell her and we can try again. So we leave it at that and continue as normal. I always regretted that, I should have pushed myself.

    So a few weeks later I build up the courage to tell her my regrets and that I was just afraid of intimacy, and I tell her that I really like her as more than just a friend (massive understatement, but didn't want to put her off by declaring my love). I told her this by text because term ended and we don't see each other so often. She takes two months to reply, during which time I think about her every day and wish that our friendship could just go back to how it was. When she does finally reply she says that she's not right for me and that making out together felt strange. She said she only made the move because she has been single for too long. That was a month ago, and I still think about her all day every day and I cry nearly every day too. I keep listening to 'let her go' by Passenger as I feel that sums up my feelings perfectly, although it makes me cry every time.

    I never replied to her message because I don't know how, I can't just act like this never happened. I love her so much it hurts, but I know there's no point telling her that now. I'm not sure I can contact her ever again, but at the same time I've lost my best friend. Also I've moved to a different town now. I was going to move back as soon as I can to be with her, but now I'm thinking it would be better to move as far away as possible as then maybe I'd have a chance of getting over her. I think it's starting to impact on my work as my mind is always on her. I don't know what to do. I just can't take being this unhappy anymore. I want her back so badly. I often think about ending it all, but I would never have the guts to act on those feelings. Is a month not long enough to get over rejection? Obviously not... Any advice?
     
  2. CameOutSwinging

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    You should put yourself out there and try to meet somebody new. Even if nothing comes of it, finding other people that you like and might even want to date can definitely help to show you that your friend is not the be-all, end-all most amazing person you could have ever ended up with. It's cliche to say there's other fish in the sea, but it's so true.
     
  3. DietCoke

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    I'm putting on 'Let Her Go' by Passenger as I type this because I've never heard it before and thought it might help me have insight into exactly you are feeling but honey, and I don't use honey lightly, I'm pretty sure I can imagine. I was so into this guy for awhile who was all wrong for me and perfect at the same time. He was into guys and was very aware of how I felt about him but I never had the balls you have to actually talk about it with him. He never was interested in me in that way and I don't think he even liked me much as a person. He moved about two years ago to the other end of the country and I still think about him and get upset sometimes about how nonexistent our relationship was. Do you think I'll never meet another person? Do you think that because I didn't try harder to make something happen with him that nothing will ever happen for me? Of course not, that's crazy. You'll be fine. We're all there sometimes. It might hurt for a long time but it will pass eventually. You'll meet other people and you may have your heart broken again but eventually it will all only be a memory. I get the feeling from reading your post that you understand this all already and just need someone to remind you. Also, good song. I owe you one for the referral.
     
  4. GatoAzul

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    Thanks for the replies, some good points made there. @CameOutSwinging I'm not sure I could date anyone else until I've got over her, as right now anyone else would just feel like second-best. There are other fish in the sea, but right now all I want is that fish. @DietCoke, thanks for sharing that story. When you asked those questions, in my head I was saying "of course you'll meet someone else" - so I guess I just can't see that for myself right now, but one day I hopefully will. I know it takes time to get over rejection, I just wish there was some way of speeding up the process as I'm fed up of feeling so depressed 24/7.

    And what about our broken friendship? Should I try to salvage our platonic friendship? And how? I don't think I'm ready for that right now, but maybe in a few months, years or however long it takes to get over her, I could contact her again? I couldn't right now as if she got a girlfriend and I saw them together it would just be like rubbing salt in a wound. Will I ever be able to get over her to the point where we can go back to being normal friends? I wouldn't want to be given any false hope again.
     
  5. SnowshoeGeek

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    It took me years to get over my best friend/first love in high school. In many ways I've been afraid of women ever since, because of what happened with her. I don't mean to sound pessimistic! Just... it was like nothing I ever felt before. If that's love then love is really fucking terrifying.

    So... uh... I will shut up now because this isn't a very positive post at all! :lol:

    (*hug*)
     
  6. DietCoke

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    I think you answered your own question there. If you feel like you could see her again as a friend without letting it just hurt you then absolutely you could try to salvage your friendship but I think until you feel like you're over here romantically you should probably try to keep your distance.

    Also, listening to sad songs isn't going to help. Try throwing your attention into something else. Binge on a show (that isn't too romantic) play a video game, throw yourself into your work. You'll realize that when trying to get over something thinking about it is the last thing that will help. Distance (physical or metaphorical) grants clarity.