Recently, I just came out to my cousin as Pansexual and I have a girlfriend. I trusted her enough to not tell anyone else; but then, she goes and tells two people! Her step sister, and her mom, and of course, her mom tells mine! That night when we got home from going to see them that weekend, I got a big talk. My parents both have very different thoughts about this, and I found that out quickly. Lets start off with the easy one, my mom. Now a little backstory: My mom went through a lot at my age, and made some pretty bad choices, and didn't have caring parents. She now has a great family, and a masters degree in nursing. She tries her best to make sure my brothers and I don't go through the same thing she did. Anyways, she said she loves me no matter what, and if I'm gay, I'm gay. She couldn't help it. She just said she needed some time to get used to this. She also said my girlfriend showed my parents nothing but respect, and was a very nice person, which she is. She just really doesn't want me to spend the night with her now, because she doesn't want me doing anything stupid. (Which my girlfriend and I talked about this, and we both agreed we weren't ready. All we do now is hug and cuddle; seriously, every passing period. :lol: ) But now...my dad, on the other hand... Since I did a backstory for my mom, I'll do one for my dad, also. My dad grew up in a very srict household, and he really hasn't told us much about it. Nethier did my mom. but she seemed to talk about it a little bit more. All I know, is my dad is way more lineant than what his parents used to be like. Anyways, he seemed quite mad at this. He kept saying things like "You're too young to know. You're immature and don't know how to control your feelings. You're just being gay to fit in. You don't know what you are. You can't be that stupid. You didn't even give guys a chance." And many more comments. Nothing positive.. I was crying all night because of him. Of course I haven't washed off my makeup yet, so it was all over my face. What really made me mad though, is that he said he was going to take away my privileges because I was "Pretending to be gay." OKAY, first of all I've known I was pansexual since 7th grade, and my feelings haven't changed! Second of all, Why would I pretend to be gay? Do you think that gets you popularity? Trust me, it doesn't. Last but not least, How could I not know I'm gay by now? I'm in high school for crying out loud! Oh, so if I'm straight I'd know, but if I'm gay I can't know? Does that make any sense? Ugh, he also threatened me he'd take my iPod/phone away from me, and stop letting me leave the house if I didn't break up with her. I'm totally not! We have a storng relationship, and we've never fought. If we do disagree, we talk through them. Plus, we have small dates at the Public library, and bring each other small things in the morning before school starts. All our friends support us, and my girlfriends' mom does, too. It's just my parents causing the problems! I'm not trusting my cousin with information like that again. Wow, thanks to those who read this entrie thing. I appricate it I'm new here, and I thought this'd be a good place to write about all my problems, since I write them down anyways. Sorry for spelling mistakes if any. I type in the dark, and I'm pretty bad at spelling to begin with. So, I guess my question is: Should I listen to my parents or completely rebel against them? (Or just my dad)
First of all congratulations for coming out to some people, I am sorry it didn't go as great as it could have. Your father is being ignorant and unfortunately there isn't much that you can do against that but give him time and hope he'll realize how mistaken he is and warm up to you. The one thing you should do though is not give into his terrible blackmail. Don't break up with your girlfriend or try and date boys because he wants you too, it would be extremely counter productive and would make his point and he would then use it against you till the rest of time. Don't rebel, just be yourself. You are pan and that's perfectly fine. Tell him that that's who you are and whether or not he believes in it won't change a thing. Tell him that if he wants to have your phone and Ipod he can because you are pan and him having them won't change that. Tell him that you will not break up with your girlfriend though because you love her and that if someone asked him to break up with your mother for dubious reasons you would hope he would do the exact same thing and say no. Simply tell him that there is nothing he can do against your pansexuality but that he can avoid losing you by being supportive. Tell him you don't expect him to be overcome with joy about it nor that you expect him to go to pride events and wear gay friendly T-shirts, but that you expect him to be civil towards you and your gf and that you want him to love you no matter what because you love him. Basically tell him that it's who you are and that you'll accept whatever stupid rules he'll give you because it won't change a thing but that he can change his homophobia and turn things around by accepting you to avoid losing you in the long run. Good luck anyway cause it's a hard thing you are going through.
