So I'm 21 and have never had a real relationship. I've kind of dated guys, but it never became anything serious or it ended abruptly. There has been two times when it left me completely devastated and sent me into a bout of depression. It wasn't until the last time that it happened that I realized I have depression. It took me 10 weeks to get over him and some therapy to get back to my old self. I think it was so bad because I'd just transferred to a new school the semester before and didn't have any friends. After I'd made friends and gotten used to campus it's gotten better, but I've been having more depressive episodes lately. It usually goes that I will be talking to someone I'm interested in and then something will happen and we'll stop talking. Suddenly, I get this overwhelming feeling that I'm always going to be alone. Even when things are going well, if something small goes wrong I'll get all this anxiety and sets off my depression. I can't help but feel like I'm becoming more and more emotionally damaged to the point where I'm terrified that I'll meet the right guy one day and it will fail because I'm so messed up. I feel like I'm behind everyone, and I don't want to be 30 and all alone. I want to start to build a life by then. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm missing out right now on just having fun and meeting people because I'm so worried about the future. I'm not much for hook ups because it's never very satisfying and at the end of the day I'm still alone. Any advice would be appreciated.
I can relate very well. About a year ago, I felt worthless and unwanted, and I had the same fear that you had - that I would end up alone and that I wouldn't be able to experience anything. It was definitely something that bothered me and sent me into bouts of depression. I would even cry myself to sleep, even. I'm not like that anymore, and the reason why is because I've realized that I was still young, and 22 is a damn young age to be worrying about being alone. Even when you're 30, or even 40, you'll still have time to meet someone. You're 21, hardly even an adult, so you have so much time to get into a relationship. I know this will sound pretty cliche, but learn to love being single. There is something attractive about a person that is comfortable in their own skin, and comfortable being alone. You'll be surprised how a change in mindset can turn heads. So just be confident, and be patient. I empathize with you so much, but just trust me on this. Learn to love the loneliness. You're going to miss it one day.
But what am I supposed to do to fill this hole that I feel. I've tried getting more involved and hanging out with friends, but at the end of the day the same thoughts and feelings keep coming back. I thought I could just shake it off, but I haven't been able to. It feels more than just wanting a relationship. It's more about sharing this piece of myself with someone. And I know it will happen one day, but I just don't know what to do with myself in the meantime.
