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I met the love of my life and she might be straight.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by hts32, Oct 22, 2015.

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What should I do about this situation??

  1. Tell her.

    17 vote(s)
    65.4%
  2. Wait it out for a better sign.

    1 vote(s)
    3.8%
  3. Hint about it or make a joke about it and see how she reacts.

    7 vote(s)
    26.9%
  4. Let it go and move on.

    1 vote(s)
    3.8%
  1. hts32

    Regular Member

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    I know this is probably beating a dead horse, but I could really use some advice because I am going nuts...

    I play collegiate lacrosse and I'm currently a senior. When I was a sophomore, I immediately had a strong connection with one of the freshmen after the first time we hung out together. Two years have past and we have done nothing but grown closer and closer. We are practically inseperable and people on our team tell us all the time we fight like we're married or in a relationship. I find it physically impossible to be happy when she's not. I have done a damn good job of hiding my feelings for her out of fear that I would lose her all together if she found out. If she knew I was bi I don't think our friendship would change at all, but if she knew that I was in love with her it would be totally different story.

    Or would it be? This is where I'm struggling. She has had MANY people ask her or her friends if she was gay. If you believe in the "gaydar", it would definitely seem like she was gay. She's 20 and has never had a boyfriend, doesn't actively seek guys and doesn't really care, she's very strong and athletically built, and just has that look about her you know? Some of my close friends who know that I'm bi have even said to me "Dude... I think she might feel it too" because of how natural our connection is with each other. Even when we're pissed off at each other we can't go the day without talking. And when we do it feels like an eternity.

    I graduate next semester. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even when I hate her I still love her. How can I tell her how I feel without ruining our friendship? Believe me, I have tried unbelievably hard to get over her and find someone else. Just nothing compares to her. And I have this crazy thought in my head that I wouldn't feel so strongly about this if I didn't feel like there was definitely something between us... you know what I mean?

    HELP!!
     
  2. idsm

    Full Member

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    I voted for telling her. (which is kind of ironic on my part as I have never told anyone, let alone my crush :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)

    A) You are about to graduate and will probably have less contact from now on, either way. So, its not that you are risking too much.

    B) Its better to get rejected than keep asking yourself if she likes you or not. Rejection forces you to move on. Trust me, hang-ups are bitches.

    C) There is a chance that she is into you, too! DonĀ“t get ahead of yourself, but dont disregard the possibility either.

    Good luck whatever you decide to do. :slight_smile:
     
  3. confusedbubble

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    First thing are you out to her?

    Second thing Go for it you have nothing to loose you are due to finish and graduate anyway so if she rejects you you can move on and don't have to see her again.

    Third has she ever answered anyone questioning her sexuality? Has she said she was straight


    Finally GO FOR IT
     
  4. Shadymist

    Regular Member

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    Your situation pretty much exactly describes my connection with a girl I fell in love with a few years ago, but I knew for a fact she was straight. It took over a year and a half before I talked to her about it. I was so scared I was going to lose her as a friend if she knew. In the end, she told me she didn't feel the same, but that she still loved me. Because I knew all along there was no chance romantically with her, I never experienced the disappointment that goes with that. However, I was really concerned about losing the friendship and the dynamic changing. Which it did. I got offended by how she said things were different now since I liked girls. I understood, but it also felt unfair. If I was going to cross some line in our friendship, it would have happened in the almost two years before her finding out. And I respected her too much to ever do that. We ended up pretty much not talking anymore, except a word here and there. After everything, I realized that I had been her best friend, but she hadn't been mine the way I deserved. Now I don't feel that we're friends anymore.

    Anywho, my point is that telling people how you feel can change things, either to how you want them to be, or not. But if you never tell them how you feel, they may never know, and you may never know what could be. To me, finding and having real love is truly worth it. Rejection or loss is a scary, scary thing. But even despite this risk, knowing for sure how the other person feels is worth it. In my case, I know it could not have continued to go on the way it was with me secretly loving her so much. It wasn't healthy for me. Sure, I was safe from heartbreak in a sense, but it also denied me of the opportunity of a real chance at love with someone who would actually return it equally.

    My advice to you is to tell her how you feel. Even at the risk of your relationship changing. If she doesn't feel the same, and she doesn't want to be friends anymore, then you deserve better. If she does feel the same, just imagine how amazing that will feel that you and your best friend share that connection.
     
  5. MayaBee

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    Go for it and tell her, otherwise you're gonna regret not doing it :slight_smile: Best of luck!
     
  6. Kaboom

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    Be honest with her. You should tell her. If she feels the same, so awesome! If she doesn't, that's ok too. If she cares about you, you two will work it out.
     
  7. Lunarchy

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    You should tell her, but the question isn't if... it's how.

    The way I see it, you have 2 options:
    Drop the penny, or test the water.

    Dropping the Penny: You come out and tell her. Whether you say it right to her face, or you just send her a message explaining your feelings in full, is up to you.

    Testing the water: Slowly start to come on to her/Flirt with her, see how she responds.

    Personally, I think you should just come out and tell her. ^)^
     
  8. Zen fix

    Regular Member

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    Hey HTS32. What a predicament. I voted for tell her. I know it is a big risk but you describe what sounds like could be the love of your life. I think the friendship could be saved if she didn't respond the way you hope, but you may forever regret it even more if you don't act on this.

    Could you plan a super awesome date and sweep her off her feet?