Hey people of EC, A friend of mine started dating a guy he met online, they really hit it off and the went on their first date, though the guy said at the end "sorry but I don't love you." The next day, as we drove home he broke down, it really hit him hard and he sobbed, I hugged him thight, trying to cheer him up. It felt rather akward for me seeing how I had a massive crush on him, so having him in my arms felt soo good and yet so wierd (and of course I genuinely felt for him) They kept chatting and sending pictures to each other, all fairly innocent, though my friend still felt strongly about him I felt like he was starting to move on. The guy decides to hang out with my friend again. They spent the afternoon hanging out near a lake, just the two of them. At the end of the day, the kissed. This led my friend to believe the guy WAS interested after all. He was let down again though, as he recieved this text: "I'm sorry, I like you, but I don't love you. I just don't see a future with you." This broke him, again. He spent a good 30 minutes sobbing, while I hugged him, trying to comfort him. He has so many questions, as do I. Why kiss someone and send suggestive texts if you're not interested? I know he mighy not be looking for a relationship, but my friend obviously is and it breaks my heart to see him so sad. He told me he really wants that special person in his life, he misses what other couples have. I already told him he either needs to be clear with this guy on what he wants, or cut contact for some time. If he keeps doing this my friend will just get dissapointed over and over again and I can't stand seeing my friends sad. I thought about talking to the guy, since my friend is afraid to be angry/upfront with him. I also don't really know what to say to my friend, I already told him he's amazing in my eyes and that he'll definately will find that special person. But I also told him that what this guy is doing is letting him down, twice now and he needs to say it, else he'll never get over him. I do realise he could change his mind and maybe they do end up together, but my friend is looking for something serious, not a one night stand, and I just get the feeling he really isn't interested in my friend in a romantic way, but then why would he kiss him and give the impression he likes him?
Very interesting story.. this ironically, is happening to me... right this very second. Literally the exact same story.. how strange! Unfortunately, there is a difference in some guys between various things - he's the categories of guys I've seen in these situations... I think this guide would useful is explaining to your friend (and maybe yourself) about what this means for different guys.. 1 - The Long-Term Love Types : This would probably be your friend, who is keen to chat, date, and get to know someone - in the hope to find the 1 true guy for a long term relationship with. Ultimately and unfortunately, these people can be the most vulnerable of the 4 groups due to their naturally positive outlook on overall interactions with potential others for romance, and can often be hit the hardest emotionally. Usually the ones giving the most emotion and not recieving the most if they talk to another group - this type of individual needs to be sure they only speak to people who are also 'Long-Term Love Types'. 2 - The Short-Term Romance Types : Not presently trying to look for a relationship; the unfortunate thing is these guys never really reveal themselves to other people that they are like this. At the beginning, they are most commonly found with the 'Long-Term Love Types' and go beyond typical one-night-stands, because during a short period of time - they are just like them - they want company, they want affection, they want romance. However, this is rarely in the long term. Effectively these are individuals that for some, are usually lonely, and need more than just friendship company, but only need for certain periods of time. Usually this category of people have just finished a long term relationship or are assimilmated to being single at the moment, or are just 'not' at the right stage at the moment. The good news is, IF they find the right individual - they can covert to 'Long-Term Love Types' but this is often extremely rare, and often they convert to this on their own and then do proper dating. I would find these are typically 1/3 of men, and unfortunately, this is what your friends' guy is. 3 - The Short-Term Promisicious Types : These are the ones, where.. ya'know... just want a 1 night stand and that's it. Are usually found on the 'obvious' app's that we all know off and are also often found in LGBT bar's and night clubs. Typically quite confident, these individuals are highly active, and are unfortunately known as quite the stereotype in many other community circles as what a typical gay person may be (specifically in right-wing individuals, or LEDC countries). 4 - The Other - One Doesn't-Fit-All Types : These can range to your regular people who have affairs, the ones who can do relationships but just can't seem to fall in love, the ones that seem to have very short relationships, the ones that want to remain single forever, the ones that are perhaps more 'reclusive' and find it difficult to socialise, meaning they may be a category 1, but not as outward in romance, these can be anything. Unfortunately it would take me a while to list all the different types of folks in this field haha. I hope this at least paints a picture for you about what your friend is going to. I think he had literally fallen for a Group 2 guy when he was a Group 1. Also bare in mind that did they discuss online for a good while?? Let's also think that it's not typically that easy to truely fall in love online in a short space of time. Regardless though, feel sorry for him. Please give him a hug on behalf of me . (*hug*).
This helps, though I still find it hard what to say to him regarding what he should do... I mean he gets hurt everytime he hangs out with this guy and the guy even kissed him, but then said it was 'just a kiss'. Myself, I say cut contact, or at least create some distance. But my friend just wants it to work and have someone special in his life, my opinion is just that this guy just ain't that guy. I am just a little lost on what to tell him. After he kissed him again last week, I encouraged him to ask him if it meant something, but then he got another "no". Now I just feel like he should stay away for a while and find someone else or do other things...
I agree with you. He should move on, because this guy just seems to be toying with him. A relationship starts with a mutual attraction and then things progress from that, so love isn't always there from the start. The first time he told him he wasn't in love it could have been understood as him not fallen in love with yet and need time to get to know him in person, but by the second time it is almost unnecessary. I don't think there is much you could say to your friend right now that will actually get through him. Just be there for him.
Not everyone goes at the same pace. One can fall fast while the other could be more guarded and take their sweet time. Ultimately they want the same things though. Do they want the same things? I'd like to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he really wanted something to be between them and is realizing those feelings aren't there. If he felt nothing after the kiss, then it's best to let it go. Your friend keeps getting his hopes up only to have them crushed. It's not fair to him to be pulled and pushed while the other guy figures out what he wants/if he wants anything. I think he should move on and not talk to that guy anymore. Move on and find someone who wants the same things. I understand that he wants someone special in his life. He shouldn't waste time/love on someone who doesn't know what they want.
