Hi guys, So I have this one coworker (who I would loosely call a friend), who whenever she is drunk on a night out, decides to press me on my sexuality. She'll ask me if I have a 'partner'. I say no. She'll ask when I last got laid. If I have a boyfriend, or maybe I prefer women? It makes me as uncomfortable as hell, because it's something I'm really struggling to accept. So I pause for a minute, then lie, saying I prefer men. She'll then come back later and apologize. I'm not sure why she is picking up on this, and can only think it's because I don't really talk about my private life. I'm also introverted, and can be quiet. I've only ever had one relationship with a man that lasted a couple of months. I've got anxiety (I would assume is quite heavily influenced by my struggle with my sexuality), and whenever she pushes me on this I have no idea what to do. How would you handle this?
Always remember that a private life is exactly what it is says in the phrase, a private life. It's only you who has to decide what you can and will tell anybody! If she has questions in her, let her - but it's up to you whenever you want to tell (at all). Although further to this, how would I handle the situation? If I didn't want to tell anybody, and she said that - I would say something like... "Well as you know, my private life is private; and I don't have a partner at the moment". Therefore - any questions you say back to her - even if she says "do you like girls" - you just keep saying "partner". Therefore, keeping the gender hidden and allowing you to tell her whenever you are ready (*hug*). Does that make sense? I'm persuming you are very young and your not at that stage yet to say anything?
Thanks for your helpful advice. I need to learn to be a bit more assertive. I'm 26, so should have things a bit more together. But I don't.
Hi, I agree with Endymion. Your personal life is yours and yours alone - if you're not ready or comfortable to share it with your friends/colleagues/family then that is completely fine. It's hard to be put into a situation where someone is pressuring you to be open with them, but just saying something like "Oh, that's kinda personal so I'd rather not talk about it right now if you don't mind" might help deter them a little and make them realise that you're not comfortable with those sorts of questions. As a fellow introvert I know how hard it can be to be assertive with others, but it might be that the gentlest nudge will help your friend understand that it's not okay, and they'll then ease off a little. I hope that things go well for you.
I'd also maybe let her know that you're uncomfortable with talking about your personal life when she's sober. It might not click or go over as well if you have that discussion while she's drunk. But yeah, sharing your life is hard! Being assertive is hard! I wish you luck! If she's a good friend she'll knock it off once she realizes you aren't comfy with those discussions.
Agree with the posters above. Just a side thought could she like you and be testing the water and uses alcohol to get the courage to ask these questions. I had one friend that used to do that she even asked me questions like that in the middle of a packed pub much to my annoyance, she left to start a new job and when I came out she said she wished she had known.
I agree with confusedbubble, all the girls that have naturally asked me those kind of questions happened to be at the very least bi-curious so I would consider her liking you and simply testing the waters.
I was also going to ask if she was straight or gay or whether she was single. She probably gets a hint from you. Maybe she is interested, not that that means you have to tell her but it may explain why she is persistent.
