Please help! in love with my "straight" friend

Hello, this is going to be rather long, but I need advice if possible. I am a 23 year old, closeted bisexual male, (never had sexual intercourse with a male though), who has fallen for my "straight" friend who is 23 too.

We've been knowing each other for about 4 years, but the feeling started about 1 year and a half ago. One night, after his football game which was an away game, we had went to a club afterwards, and we both had been drinking heavy. So I was about to go back to my hotel, but he was like "no you can stay at my hotel if you want, i dont want you driving home drunk bro." And I was like cool. so when we got to his hotel, I was expecting 2 beds, but it was only one bed, so I laid on the floor...then he said "no man here you can sleep in the bed, and do you need some clothes to sleep in?"... i replied with a "no im good", and got in the bed. Meanwhile in my head, im like why is he offering me his bed and clothes to sleep in as if im a girl hes trying to pursue? lol...but anywho, i thought he was going to take the floor since he offered the bed, but right in front of me he began to take off all his clothes, leaving only his boxers on, and got in the same bed with me. I didn't think nothin of it because i know football players strip in front of each other all the time, but for this occasion i thought it was rather weird. Basically that night, we slept the night away, he put a pillow in between us...so once again i didn't think it was anything sort of just a real close friendship.

Fast-forward to about a month later, he came in town to train for the pros and when he got here, we hung out the first night and we had been drinking again. of course he offered me his hotel, and once again we slept in the same bed. BUT this time, i wanted to try him up to see if hed do something to push me away. Hes a VERY athletic guy, so i was super nervous to make this move, but i laid my head on his chest as he was sleep, and he didnt move. So in that very moment, thats where my feeling started to develop for him. He was training here for about a month and I basically slept at his hotel every other night until he got ready to leave. 2 days before it was time for him to leave, we laid in the same bed and watched a 30 minute documentary on his phone, and just the vibe felt so good. I had a strong feeling he felt the same attraction because of the several hotel sleep overs weve had.

So the day he got ready to leave, (i dont know why i did this), but he was the first person i told i was bisexual, and i also told him i had developed feelings toward him. He then said "i kind of figured you liked me just because of how you interact with me. Im straight bro but Im not the one to judge anybody. Thank you for letting me know man, i wont think of you any different." Then i brought up the invites to sleep over in his hotel bed, and he replied with "bro, i just invited you over because you had been drinking and i didnt want you out there driving like that." So i was like cool bro. At that point my feelings were torn apart, as i was rejected and he "supposedly" didnt feel the same.

Being that hes a football player, you would think he wouldve not hit me up after i told him i was bi, and liked him. Little do you know the next day he missed his flight, so he had to get a hotel for one more night. He invited me over there AFTER i told him everything and we slept in the same bed again. This time we were talking in the dark, and he said "i mean you laid your head on my chest, its not like im gonna push you off..its cool. If you wouldve tried anything sexual I wouldve lightly pushed you but i mean laying your head on my chest, its whatever." Then i said, "i never have done anything sexual with a male so you aint gotta worry about me trying to touch your jimmy lol"... thats when he was like "shut up man and go to sleep lol".... At that point i realized either A. he has some interest in me hes just not wanting to open up to me about it, or B. Hes really comfortable around and enjoys me as a friend. Either way i felt good because i told him my deepest secret and he still treats me no different.

Now heres where more feelings began to develop. After he left, we would text and video chat every week. He'll send light emojis and i'll do the same. He'll say "I love you bro" on several occasions and i would say it back. Everything just felt so right and still does.

Now here it is, the month of October and he flew in town again. This time for the 3 weeks hes been here, hes been staying at my apartment. Hes been very touch feely. Hell put his hand on my shoulder, hell pull my hair, when i was walking out the door once he pulled my shirt, he pushed me in the clothes rack at walmart lol...you know just flirty things. One day were were walking down the steps headed out to eat, and when he got to the bottom, he was like wait..jump from the 4th step, and jump into my arms i want to see if i can catch you. Im like ok man he must like me for real because this has gone too far. the other night i massaged his shoulders and started slowly massaging his pecs, and HE DIDNT MOVE! he started closing his eyes and he said "im in love im in love im in love." not sure what he meant by that, but yea lol. hes made me breakfast once morning, he didnt bring it to the bed, but he woke me up and said, "i made you an omelette lil guy, get up and come eat". Also, he takes off all his clothes in front of me now (verses just the boxers in his hotel). He laid naked on my bed one time and i laid next to him with my clothes on, on my computer. Also, Every time we go to dinner, hell pay for my portion. Man i could go on and on, hell rub me on my head and ask me whats wrong. Hell always include me in his future plans. hell say things like "Man if i get drafted im gonna fly you here". All the girls he talks to, hell tell me they are just "friends".


We got into an argument one night about the bible. He said he cant see himself kissing another male because its considered a sin. And i stated to him that having sex with a female outside of marriage is also a sin. I stated to him that there is no greater sin. Anywho i got super mad and walked out and slammed the door. About an hour later, he came in my room and said, "so you gonna get mad over something petty like this? well fine be mad, just know i wont ever get mad at you for nothing like this." then the next morning, i said good morning and we were back speaking again. I have laid on top of him and fell asleep (in which he says he doesn't remember, but hes lying because we were both wide awake). I have put my head under the covers and we have touched nose to nose (not kiss) and he didnt push me away.

Finally, you know at the start of this story...i told him i liked him...but fastforward to this morning, i told him i am in love with him!!, and damn near cried. He said, "youre telling me stuff i already know, its cool...youre like a brother to me. i don't think you like me, i just think youre looking for a companion and im looking for the same."



So what do you guys make out of this?? I have done everything to stray him away...told him my sexuality, touched him, confessed my love for him, yet hes STILL my friend! shoot even closer than ever now because he knows about me and STILL is touchy feely, and is super nice to me. Its almost like were in a beginning stages of a relationship without a title if that makes sense.

My thing is, i don't want sex from him (not right now) because im scared and new to it too. What i do want is for him to open up and trust me. like i cried a little when i told him about me, and i feel its unfair that he wont just keep it real with me. Im not going to ask him is he bi because its not my place to pressure anybody. But if he likes me, i just wish he would say it...and im sure he has feelings for me, he just wont admit. I know hes a football player and it would ruin his reputation or people would look down on him...but as a closeted male, i feel like hes battling what im battling, and it would be a great feeling if we can go through it together.

He has one more week here guys before he leaves again. what should i do next? i want to try and kiss him (even with the bible talk we had) for some reason i dont think he would push me away. but how do i initiate it. He knows i like him, and am in love with him...and he still shows light affection...so what should i do next?

 

True I understand. Yesterday when we're were sort he facetime'd me and said "I miss you." He says "I miss you" often. And also one day he was sleep, and he jumped out his sleep and said..."are you ok? I was worried about you." So I dunno...I think it's some feeling there

---------- Post added 26th Oct 2015 at 09:43 PM ----------

When we were apart*

---------- Post added 26th Oct 2015 at 09:45 PM ----------

Yup he's has plenty of opportunities to talk to females here, but he won't go spend the night the night with them. He always says "don't worry that's just a friend"

 

It's like hell invite me on a date indirectly. For example..he knows my favorite restaurant is Red Lobster. On Valentine's Day he was like "what's up bro, what you got up for today?" And I said nothing much. Then he said "I was gone see if you wanted to go to red lobster today.?" And I was like yeah. So when we got there and ate, he told the waiter to put the food on his tab.

This man knows me in and out and is still flirting. Like yesterday I showed him a DM of a guy trying to talk to me, and he was like..."dang you so fine that you got both sexes trying to get at you! I see you boy!" Lol. Then when we got in the house, he slapped me on my ass smh and was like get to work guy.

Also one time I was facetiming a guy that was a friend. And when I did that he got up and went in the other room and closed the door. He never does anything like that so I kinda came off a jealousy.

So I'm thinking he is supppppeerrrr comfortable with me....or he likes me and is hiding his confusing feelings. We are super close so I doubt if he's going anywhere. My thing is I just want him to trust me. I opened him up to a part of my life that was very hard for me to open up to him about, and it set me free because now I can be my normal self around him, so I wish he'd just do the same...it's doing nothing but hurting him. All these girls dun hit him up since he's been here and he only hung out with one...and they didn't even have sex, he fell asleep smh. And not to mention he hasn't had a girlfriend since 12th grade and he's almost 24.

---------- Post added 27th Oct 2015 at 09:02 AM ----------

Kind of came off as jealousy*

 

Well as far as my friend that was on FaceTime with me, he's straight...but my friend was like "my birthday tomorrow, what you gonna buy me." And when he said that, he got up and went in the other room and closed the door.

Yup and I agree it's so hard. Well wait for confirmations even when hey show all the signs lol

 

lol I say text him back and go for it.

As for me though, I think I'm going to take the first guys advice and fall back...and enjoy him as a friend. I'm trying my best to get over him because I'm not able to live my life thinking about him. I mean it's cool he's in the NFL or whatever. But all these mixed signals, and him texting all these girls makes me angry.

 

Stop what? I'm not doing anything. Only thing I've done is being touchy feely with him...but Hes been touchy feely with me 1000 times more than I have. I get what you're saying but my thing is being that he's a football player, he'd probably NEVER open up about his feelings. Think about it....there are 250+ football players drafted each year....and out of the history of American football, all these years and only 14 have came out.....so he'd probably never admit to his feelings.

If anything I am the one hurting not him. I already told him I'm in love with him, yet he still is touchy feely, will say he loves me, will include me in his future etc. not saying I want to be in a relationship with the man, but I do want him to open up to me like I opened up to him. Because when I first told him my feelings, he was like "I'm not the one to judge but you're still cool with me. I won't look at you any different. I'm just a cool guy, a lot of people have come out to me." I hate when people say I'm not the one to judge because it makes it seem as if being gay or bi is wrong, or a disease or something.

It just seems to me that "I'm not the one to judge" he's just using that to cover up himself because he does waaaaayyyyyyyyyy to much flirting. But as long as we still have that close friendship I'm ok with waiting til he says something like you said I guess.