Hello! Quick backstory on me: I'm 22, soon to be 23. I'm female and identify as pansexual. I've dated a guy for just shy of three years when I was 16-19. I have been single ever since but did hook up this winter/spring with each a guy and a woman. I only had intercourse with the first guy. I was really into the girl for a while but she ended up getting back into a relationship with her ex boyfriend and I eventually gave it up and got over her. Now we're friends. I've met someone new. He's my age and I like him a lot. We've hooked up a few times and I even went on birth control for him. I wasn't sure what to call us and told him we needed to talk. I asked him what he wanted, and his answer was "I would like to get to know you better". I agreed with him and feel the same way. Now... the issue is, we haven't seen each other much in the past couple of weeks and he's a little bit distant when I text him. I did ask if I was bugging him or texting too much and he said not at all and that if I were doing so he would tell me to stop. I REALLY like him. Ideally, I'd like to tell people about us and have him meet my friends and family. However, I don't see that happening right now. I was hoping to see him the other night but it didn't work out. Any advice? I'll see him Wednesday for sure but possibly sometime in the next few days. I'm hoping to talk to him. I'm a little concerned that if I bring up "what we are" as a "couple" that I could scare him away. I know he was in a relationship somewhat recently but I don't know timing. I think they were pretty serious and possibly even engaged or on the track to be so. I don't really want to bring her up unless he does, but I have a feeling maybe he's still processing whatever happened with her. If any of you were in my place, what would you be trying to do? Let me know if there's any clarifying questions that would be helpful for me to answer or anything like that. Thanks so much! Emily
Based on what you've described, it sounds like he's been shying away when the label/status talk comes up. It's not unusual - it's a delicate moment, of course. I'd say, if you're okay with things sticking around in the "new" phase for a while, and can do without the official label, then treat your next meetup like a date. Go somewhere or do something you would be comfortable doing on a second, or good first, date.
Thank you, I think you're right! I'm a little curious about this though: two nights ago we were texting. He hasn't texted me back since. I sent him a quick text yesterday and never got an answer. I sent him another text today a little while ago asking if he was just busy or if something was wrong. I haven't heard back yet, but that's not uncommon. What's uncommon is that he never texted yesterday. Usually he looks at his phone at SOME point during the day. I hope nothing is wrong. I won't text again unless I hear from him, because I don't want to be overly snoopy. I know he had an experience with a girl (not sure if she was an ex or just someone who liked him a lot) that ended up with him getting a restraining order on her because she would text and call him constantly. I know I'm not being like that, but I'm being especially careful not to text constantly because of that!! I'm just hoping that the "new" phase doesn't have to last too long... but I like him enough to wait if it does.
I did end up getting an answer to that text and he said he was busy and apologized. I ended up seeing him earlier... My issue now is that I feel like I'm a friend with benefits but would like to be more. I'm hoping to at least enjoy the "benefits" for now and see what comes of this. Hopefully something more eventually.
