Hi, I met my current boyfriend last year. We worked in the same place. Later he decided he wanted to leave and for me it was kind of painful, since I had met him and had such a good time with him at work. Now he wants to leave to study abroad, I can't keep him from going. I also finished college and want to go study abroad but im waiting for him to decide where he wants to go, in order to apply in a university near him (this is lame, right?) I can't imagine my life without him. I feel lost without him. I am afraid that I could lose him if he goes away... We are still in the closet where we live and I know that once he gets somewhere else he will be more open... maybe find someone else, and get to live freely and openly in that place (the way we have always wanted to live here, but cant). He is my first gay boyfriend, but I have had other experiences and relationships. However, I have been his first in every single way and I fear he may want to experience with another person down the road. He says he loves me very much, he is catholic and he has so many values and always surprises me with beautiful things. Please help, at least with some anecdotes. Thank you!
Relationship getting boring, advice Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. I am always reminding myself of the wonderful times we had when we were meeting each other and dating. The feeling was so intense and lovely. But the magic has been fading away because of fights and other things, and we are seeing the relationship like every other else. Now, its like bipolar. Sometimes I feel im exceedingly in love, others I dont feel anything at all. I am not capable of telling him "I love you" all of the time, however he is in my head 24/7. Always thinking about him, sharing my life with him, etc... We haven't had sex in a long time (pretty difficult since we are in the closet) and we haven't kissed in a while also (just some cuddling). There are some points that I think I have damaged about the relationship: • I am constantly searching the internet and looking for answers about being gay, if this is wrong or right, natural or unnatural, how come straight men are also gay, how will i tell my family, etc (identity issues)... This is very confusing for me • We met at work and then he left from it. Now he plans on studying abroad and I dont picture myself by his side since he is leaving. And he have had discussions like if he gets to meet someone else, or leaves me behind, etc.. (I am too attached) • My grandma died recently, I loved her so much. I've been very apathetic since then (this is with everything that surrounds me) • The places we can kiss each other and have some fun is in the car... while driving... I dont like this so much because we can crash or something (so there hasn't been a lot of touching either) • I don't feel like a felt at the beginning of the relationship. Nicknames are starting to get me angry and sometimes I can't tell him I love him. I am getting bored. This makes me think if this is friendship or romance? (maybe we need to begin doing other things) • I am constantly nervous about people seeing us in public. He likes to touch me under the table, or calling me nicknames with people around and I do not like that. I am so afraid of people knowing or even thinking that I might be gay. (I guess this is also identity crisis) Please help me, I love him. And if we (I) keep on like this I think we wont last long enough.
First of all, I don't think it's inherently weird to study abroad "together" (in the sense of at least nearby). I actually know couples that have done this, and they liked it - even trading visits to respective cities/countries. Now, that said, studying abroad is of course temporary, and if he went, he would be back. And it sounds like the only thing you're afraid of is that he might meet someone while he's there. If that's the case, it sounds like the issue is less one of him studying abroad or not, and more one of your feelings towards the relationship, and/or possibly toward yourself, depending. What makes you think he wouldn't want to stay with you/stay faithful to you? Is there something going on in the relationship at present, or is everything more or less fine and you're just concerned about the distance, because it's new? You could equally well plan a romantic night together before he leaves, or even a weekend getaway for you two on the weekend before he leaves. In the meantime, communication would remain open across the distance, as always. So, talk to him about how you're feeling, what you might like to do, and how you would stay in touch over the time if he went and you didn't. The more open you can be about this with him, the better.
Re: Relationship getting boring, advice Hi there, I am sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your boyfriend and for the loss of your grandmother. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. The issues you mention are reminiscent of problems I have had with relationships in the past, where things just don't seem to be as exciting as they were in the beginning. Some of that could be from more fighting, but a lot of times I think this is very common when couples are together for a while and things begin to become routine. I have a couple thoughts here that might be helpful. 1. I think when you are in the closet it can be a challenge to keep the romance that existed at the beginning. Dating in the closet can be extremely stressful. Between managing a relationship and hiding it, it leaves little time to actually enjoy it. Being able to show each other how much you care and love and support each other is very important no matter how long you are together. Often, people need attention and affection (sometimes in a public place) as acknowledgment that the way they feel is reciprocated, but when you are in the closet and you can't accommodate this, it can be tough on the other person. They may feel rejected. I don't much have a solution to this one. If you and your bf are at different stages of readiness to come out, which it sounds like, this may be an important crossroads that will force you to make some decisions about yourself. 2. As I said earlier, no matter how long you have been together with someone, you need to constantly show them how you feel. You need to make time to tell them you love them, make time to have special "date nights", make time to kiss them, etc. The excitement you feel right at the beginning doesn't always last forever and eventually, having a solid relationship can take a lot of work. Now, you need to reflect a little bit on why pet names are making you angry, why you can't kiss him, and why you can't tell him you love him. Have your feelings changed? If yes, maybe it's time to let go and move on. If no, try putting in more effort to bring the relationship back to how it was months ago when you first met. Recreate the moments that led you to fall in love in the first place and take that time to make each other feel special. It can work again, but if one or neither of you are willing to put that work in, then unfortunately, I agree that it probably won't last. You need to make the decision which path you want to take based on how you feel. Hopefully it works out for you. Good luck.
