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Having a hard time getting over a breakup

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TheMopPetal2, Oct 25, 2015.

  1. TheMopPetal2

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    I was kind of in a relationship with a guy for a few months but it was very complicated. He stood me up 4-5 times before we went on our first date and he told me the reason he kept flaking on dates is because he was afraid that I'd just up and leave him at some point in the relationship or that I'd just want a one night stand with him and thats it. Later on he also told me that he wan't sure how to approach me almost like he thought that I am out of his league or something. Anyway we finally went on our first date and it exceeded my expectations. He was great and we clicked very well but I could also tell that he was very shy timid. He told me on our first date that his ex bf abused him and so I assumed that that's another reason why he is so shy and timid. Long story short, after going on 3 dates total together, he started flaking on dates again and he also went thru periods where he would stop communication with me. He never logged into the dating profile he emailed me on and he never posted anything about him with other guys on any social media profiles so for a while I had no reason to believe he was seeing someone else. Because he started flaking and cutting communication with me I kept asking him when we were talking if he still wants to be in a relationship with me and every single time I asked him he said yes. He never hesitated to say yes whenever I asked him so I just kept assuming that he just needed to work on himself a little more and I just needed to be patient with him and eventually he'd come around. Fast forward to almost a month ago, he broke a silence with me yet again and we started talking and even sexting till the wee hours of the morning. A couple days after that he cut communication with me again and he blocked me on all of his social media profiles. I did notice that not only did he block me but he blocked a lot of other ppl like some of his family and even some of his close friends but then the next morning I noticed that he posted that he is in a relationship with another guy and that devastated me.

    I have so many emotions going thru me right now and its hard. On one hand I just want him to call me or text me and say he's sorry and that he'll change and we'll get to be together but on the other hand I am angry and sad and depressed. On one hand, I want everything to work out with me and this guy but on the other I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is immature like that who would rather block someone and change their phone number than be straight up with that person and tell them how they truly feel. I am also angry because it was like pulling teeth just to get him to talk to me but he has no problem dating this other guy and going out to his house etc. Idk maybe he broke things off with me because he really does think that I'm out of his league(even tho I don't think I am) because to me, the other guy he is with now is not very attractive and neither is his ex before me but that's just me. I gave him so many opportunities to tell me to go jump off a cliff and leave him alone but he didn't take any of those opportunities and I just don't get it. He still hasn't officially broken up with me, he just blocked me on every platform that I knew of. If he would've been straight up with me from the get go then none of this would've happened and I wouldn't be as hurt as I am right now. I think the most complicated feeling I'm experiencing right now is nostalgia. I just want to go back to when we were dating and just relive those moments. He is the first person I've ever kissed in a romantic way and our first kiss was very magical to me. It was almost like a fairy tale and I just want to relive that. How does one get past the hurt and anger and nostalgia after a break up?
     
  2. Carryonmyfriend

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    I'm really sorry you are going through this and yes, it does suck and it will be hard. As cliche as this sounds you just have to allow time to pass to make it hurt less. I completely understand how hard it is to forget and move on from a person who meant a lot, after all this guy took something from you, he was your first kiss and that is something that you will take with you always. So don't beat yourself too hard. Know that what you are feeling isn't permanent you will find someone else and you will experience all those wonderful things again.
     
  3. Fimo

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    Hey !
    As the person above said, the only thing that will make things better is time. I went through a similar breakup at the beginning of this year, and yes it was hard, and kinda long, but i eventually got over it, just as you will get over it.
    These things suck hard, for sure. It hurts, and it will keep on hurting, but the only difference is that it will hurt a little bit less every day, until the day it won't hurt.
    Another (cliché but true) thing to overcome this, is that you should dedicate yourself to something that you like, for example a sport, a hobby ... my personal example: i started to plan a big road trip with a friend, because i realized that one time i was genuinely happy was when i first visited California and it was a dream coming true !
    Accept that it hurts, but remind yourself that it is only temporary. It sucks to lose people, but you always end up getting over it.
    If you want to talk, you can always message me, i'd be glad to help :slight_smile:
    Courage! You'll make it through !
     
  4. Aspen

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    I'm sorry that he did this to you. I can't even begin to suggest why he might have done that. Break-ups are always tough and it's even more so when you can't get closure at all. Like others have said, it's going to take time. The best thing to do is focus on yourself for a while. Do things you enjoy and meet new people.
     
  5. TheMopPetal2

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    Thanks for all of the replies! I think the hardest part that I'm dealing with now is that it feels like I'm starting to forget about him and I don't want to. He meant a lot to me and I literally fell in love with him. Even though he hurt me really bad he still means a lot to me. None of what happened with me and him makes any sense and the only explanation I can think of as to why he did what he did that makes some sense is that he has low self esteem and he thinks that I'm out of his league so he figured he'd break things off before he got hurt. He never struck me as a player kind of guy and he never gave me that vibe. The feelings me and him had for each other were real and genuine and I just wanna go back to that, when everything was okay with me and him.

    One of my uncles married his high school sweetheart 15 or so years ago after his marriage with his first wife didn't work out and him and his high school sweetheart have been happily married for years now and I have never once seen them fight and I hardly even see them get into arguments with each other too. Is it okay and healthy to still hold out hope that things might work out with me and him eventually but still move on with my life? Even though he hurt me I still have feelings for him and I'm almost 100% positive he still has feelings for me too and I would be willing to give him another chance if he is willing to be open and honest with me and as long as he is willing to work hard to make things different if there is going to be a next time.