wow, i haven't been here a long time but so it happens that i'm coming here for advice again so i met this girl, friend of a friend... first we were supposed to be on a "stuff for class" basis but we somehow hit it off and you could say that even though we've known each other for a very short amount of time, we've become friends. we're both queer, bonded over social justice stuff and discussions about sexuality, gender, feminism etc. but yeah, as i'm talking to her, i'm really beginning to crush on her which is... kinda good and kinda not good? i mean she's single, wonderful, and sometimes i get a feeling she might like me, at least a little. the "problem" is (you'll see why this is not a problem, rather something i'm trying to understand as best as i can), she's both demiromantic and demisexual. demipan, to be exact. now, my question is - i would really really like for us to date but how do i approach this? i mean, i really want to respect any boundaries she has so i'm probably not going to ask her out any time soon, but give us some time to get to know each other better and stuff? any advice would be welcome (also a v cute thing - she invited me to our uni's queer club's thing! also said she'd invite me to her department's halloween party but it's exclusive... but she wanted to. i'm really glad about that )
Since she's demi I'd definitely take it slow, I mean it varies from person to person since some form an emotional bond faster than others but I'd say just stay patient. If it's meant to work it will. Best of luck to you both.
okay this might soundd dumb but i'm sometimes extremely socially clueless - how do i know if there's a sufficient bond? i mean, i often feel emotional disconnect even from people i'm close to, but in this case, i feel like i should really become more perceptive, but still in better terms: how do i know the time is right?
Hey! I am bisexual, and also demisexual and demiromantic, too. I can tell you that that for me it usually takes a long time to form an emotional bond with a partner. It can depend on how much I have in common with the person, their approach and attentiveness to me, and just how well our personalities go together. When I'm talking to someone, I really like to take it slow, no pressure, and feel comfortable with them. If I feel like they genuinely want to share good conversation about anything under the sun and have nice quality time to just hang out, I feel loved and connect much better with them. It took me about 4-5 months of talking just about every day to realize I had feelings for one guy I liked. Then it was another 3 months before we shared our feelings with each other, but because we took our time, I had a lot of trust and a strong connection. On the other hand, I formed a very strong bond with a girl following that, which I realized within a few weeks. It really depends on the person for me, but I can tell you that someone who is demisexual/demiromantic will definitely appreciate you taking your time to really get to know them deeply. I say take it slow and just have fun. Enjoy each others' company. I love that stuff. Feel free to ask me anything!
thanks! tbh that's where we're at - i definitely want to get to know her deeply, she's kind of a mystery, so the more i know, the better i will feel as well. (i usually tend to like people that have some air of mystery about them and she's no exception) but yeah, i'm pretty content enjoying each others' company for now and all that. i mean, there might be some ambiguity about our relationship in the future (i tend to get flirty after i feel comfortable, even with friends) for a little while with this approach but if it's for the better, then definitely. some say a slow build up is better anyway. i can at least say that with her, i just have this sort of urge to take it slow, be delicate, really get to know her and so on, even before i found out she was demi. i guess she's just the kind of person? anyway, she's really smart, well read, brilliant, funny, kind, has a great style etc. sighhh
